UC Prompt #1 Essay Critique - Please help!!

<p>Any comments would be helpful, thank you for reading!</p>

<p>PROMPT: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations."</p>

<p>I love being in the car. The seats may get uncomfortable, the air conditioning may not work, and the radio may be patchy at best, but being in the car gives me time to reflect on everything. There are so many memories clinging to its worn steering wheel, lessons in its little scratches and dings, and thoughts trapped within the spaces between the seats that it has enough experience to take on a life of its own. The car to me is much more than just a mode of transportation; the car is where my world was built.
When I was younger, I was told stories on the way home. My mom would tell me tales of her life growing up on the farm and of her days as a traveler where she went all over the world, as well as the occasional folk tale. They spoke of beliefs and morals that have lost their value in today’s times, of mistakes and lessons learned, and of the hope for those who dream of becoming more than what they originally set out to be. These stories shaped my approach to life as I tried to emulate the values of my favorite characters emphasized in my mom’s stories: compassion, good manners, and hard work.
As I got older, the car was also a source of adventure. I have been on many road trips through the western United States, visiting multiple national parks and nature preserves, including Yellowstone, Mount Rushmore, and the Grand Canyon. The car brought me to all of these beautiful places, opening me up to a world that was far more expansive than the playground or the hallways of my school. Over 25 states, 100 cities, and 17 years of my life I have hiked through, slept in, explored, and even rode a donkey through the natural world thanks to my car, and I have loved every minute of it. Whether I was staring out the window at a misty forest in Washington, or baking on the hot sand of Death Valley, I could always appreciate the diversity and beauty of nature, if only for its wide open spaces to stretch my legs. The car shaped my plans for the future -- it gave me a strong desire to protect the natural world from human interference and destruction and restore what has already been damaged.
These days, the car is my place to slow down and appreciate life; it gives me the time to reflect on where I am, as well as where I am going. This time is important to me, because it helps me focus on what truly matters as well as set goals for myself that motivate me to push through any struggles I may encounter. As Ferris Bueller once said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
In the quiet of my morning commute I can hear whispers of wisdom that my mom passed on to my younger self, as well as remember the experiences that have shaped me into who I would like to become. The car is more than just a car; it is symbolic of my world: full of memories and experience, but constantly moving forward towards a goal, an incredible, wonderful end destination.</p>

<p>I think its a good essay, but if you want to really distinguish yourself you have to dig deeper. The paragraph about your mom’s tales should go; it tells very little about you. </p>

<p>The next paragraph, where you tell us where you went and that you how much you loved it, should be the heart of the essay. Can you find an important anecdote from those trips? Maybe something that led to some personal growth? What happened along the route? How did that change you? How did it make you feel? How did you feel before and after?</p>

<p>Tell us more of a story about who you really are ideally illustrating positive character traits. Do it in a way that makes the reader really like you if you want to distinguish your essay from the hundreds+ that the readers will be reviewing.</p>