<p>This is just a rough draft for the the UC essay two prompt. The prompt is as follows,"Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are." Since its a rough draft I'm sure there's plenty of punctation mistakes but I'm more interested in constructive criticism on form, style, etc. Any feedback is much appreciated. The essay is below.</p>
<p>I was dangling mere yards above the icy torrent when suddenly I dropped the key to my return to civilization. My ice pick had slipped out of my hand, falling onto the far bank of the frigid Coloradan stream making my ascent out of the icy abyss impossible.
The moment replayed in slow motion over and over in my head. How I could I be so clumsy? Realizing retrieving my ice pick and climbing out of the gorge was my only option I shouted over the rushing water hoping my request to be lowered further would reach my companions at the top of the canyon. I received no discernible reply, but after an amount of time I can only describe as insufferably long I was lowered further into the abyss. The rushing of the stream soon overcame all other senses, but I kept focused on my goal. The pick was within inches and the time had come to make my move. I focused and prepared my whole body but all I could muster was an ungainly and desperate swipe.
Somehow the swipe had been successful. I could now begin my ascent out of the chasm. I then did one of the most idiotic things I will ever do; I looked up. Facing me was a wall of pale blue ice that towered 150 feet over me. The prospect of ever climbing out seemed like one rooted in fantasy. I weakly shouted my intent to start climbing but remained frozen. My mind was being tormented by apprehension and doubt. I was paralyzed by the fear that the imposing tower of ice above was unconquerable.
While pausing to franticly search for some piece of advice or knowledge to use against the doubt and fear that was holding me hostage I found of a piece of advice from the ice climbing guide buried within the piles of obnoxiously useless pieces of information. Just clear your ahead and only focus on what you need to do right now. Was it really that easy? In theory maybe, but in practice controlling my wild psyche seemed impossible. After looking down at the water below it dawned on me that inaction was a guarantee of failure so after for what must of been an annoyingly long time I collected my thoughts and stored them somewhere outside of my consciousness because these unnecessary thoughts would keep me imprisoned at the bottom of the canyon if let let them.
I was now mentally ready to climb, and so with a little more confidence I shouted that I was beginning to climb. I kicked one crampon into the ice and then the other before swinging my pick into the ice above. Each completion of this cycle was rewarded by sorer muscles and a shower of ice from above. But I didn’t let the fear of dropping my pick again, or the punishing shower of ice that kept greeting me occupy my thoughts. All that was within my mind was the placement of my crampons and ice picks on the wall of ice. Before I knew it I had done the impossible; I had conquered the canyon below through mental discipline. The ability to overcome the doubt that holds hostage the ability to achieve the most daunting tasks is not an easy skill to learn but it is something I came a little closer to mastering while climbing out of that canyon. </p>