UCSB Letter of Appeal Help 2016

I am a prospective transfer student seeking for some help on my letter of appeal. I know that it is very rough at the moment and requires a ton of help, but please let me know on what areas I can improve on. I was admitted to UCSB for Fall 2016 admissions but fell short of the Conditions of Admissions in my Spring 2016 quarter. I failed my Linear Algebra course, bringing my Spring 2016 GPA to a low 1.85. UCSB informed me that since I failed the course, this brought my GPA below a 2.0 which ultimately led to their decision to revoke my admissions. So I have been in constant contact with UCSB counselors on what I could do. They told me that raising my GPA to a 2.0, this will help my appeal substantially. And suggested I try and get the “P” grade in my GE class changed to the letter grade I would have earned had it not been a Pass/No Pass course.

Supplemental Information:
-Got my Organic Chemistry Grade Changed from a B- to a B
-Got my “P” grade in my GE Class changed to a B
-VA College Fee Waiver Approval Letter

Letter:

Dear UCSB Admissions Review Committee,

First and foremost, I would like to extend my utmost gratitude for taking the additional time to further consider reinstating me to the University of California, Santa Barbara. I am writing to you today because my rigor and drive as a student was not particularly reflected in the shortcoming of my Spring 2016 quarter.

Having graduated high school, I found that I excelled in most of my classes, to the point where I even graduated with Summa Cum Laude honors. However, at the time I did not find passion in any one particular field. I was not ready to be a University student. My time at De Anza College enabled me to grow beyond my education, having learned how to think critically about my work and to challenge what I am learning to further my understanding. Independent thinking became my strong suit, while being able to lead and contribute to group work and progression.

I understand that falling below a 2.0 GPA was a key factor in determining the future status of my admissions. Upon receiving notice about my admissions being retracted, I worked tirelessly going back and forth between my UCSB counselors and my De Anza College counselors to see what I could do. After getting ahold of my Organic Chemistry professor, I explained my situation to him and asked if he could regrade my coursework on the basis of unforeseen circumstances that occurred during the quarter. After his reevaluation, he indicated that I earned a B instead of a B- I received in the course. I was also able to change my “Pass/No Pass” grade to the B I received in the course after talking to admissions at De Anza College. These two changes brought my Spring 2016 GPA well above a 2.0 and my Cumulative GPA from a 3.05 to a 3.2.

Upon receiving acceptances from other Universities, it did not take me long to decide on UC Santa Barbara. I hold this University in the highest regards because I know it is the perfect fit for me. Its world-class education, outstanding research, well-established faculty and its cultural diversity only lured me further in. These core elements will enable me further to strive for excellence in both my studies and wellbeing. I know I will find success in my field as well as outstanding preparation for the career that awaits me.

Final Notes:

I was accepted in the first wave I believe if that matters. I still haven’t found a way to thread in my Veteran Affairs College Fee Waiver Acceptance into the letter if it even matters. That was approved on July 7th, while my admissions was revoked on July 8th. I did all that they ask but retake the course in the summer since all the classes were filed by the time UCSB counselors suggested I do so. So please let me know where I can improve on. Thanks!

Btw, UCSB’s Office of Admissions did not give me any hard deadline for the appeal since I was admitted then later revoked. However I want to get this out as soon as I can to plan ahead for the future. So any input helps tremendously. Thanks!

Too long, too many grammatical errors.

They don’t have time to read your lengthy history. It’s already known that you decided to attend SB.

They’ll be reading other student appeals. Keep only the third paragraph but re-work it. FOCUS on your current grade changes. Put in how you will avert this in the future.

@“aunt bea” Thank you for the constructive criticism! I really apologize for the grammatical error as I only wrote this about an hour prior to posting it here. I know it definitely needs work, but should I aim to be under 250 words?

Also, I’m out of ideas to express why the grade changes merits any appeal since they do not relate to my Linear Algebra class I failed. Do you suggest any ideas? Thank you!

Did you pass the algebra class? I think that’s a primary concern.

@“aunt bea” I indicated in my intro paragraph that I failed it in my Spring 2016 Quarter. However, UCSB admissions indicated that I had my admissions revoked because my GPA fell below a 2.0 for that quarter. So I did everything I could have to get my GPA above a 2.0 just for that quarter. This is why I contacted my Ochem professor to get the grade changed, as well as ask the Admissions office at my CC to change my “Pass/No Pass” grade to the letter grade I would have received.

Initially, my UCSB Counselor recommended that I do not retake the course for the summer quarter when I reported my failing grade. She said it wouldn’t count towards anything if I did it. Now, she told me that I can take the course in the summer to supplement my appeal, but now it is far too late to enroll.

@“aunt bea” The two UCSB Admissions Counselors I’ve been speaking to also indicated that these two grade changes will definitely help my appeal. I’ve been constantly emailing and calling them about what I should do.

Stress that your overall GPA has changed re grade changes from your instructors to meet the minimum transfer requirements, for UCSB. (Which you have)
If you need to address the math, then include this:

Also, if you are VA, they need you, so use the VA service at UCSB to help wth the appeal. They can help.
If you’ve served, thank you for your service.

Good luck!

@“aunt bea” Thank you for the suggestions! I’ll be sure to put in all my brain power this whole weekend and following week if I decide to submit the appeal later.

Also, I do not want to steal any valor from those who have served our country. It is actually my father who served 20 years and my oldest brother who is currently serving 3. The praise belongs to them. It does means a lot though! I’m finding it hard to mesh this into the appeal, however, as I am only a beneficiary of my dad’s hard work.

Use the VA offices anyway; your family sacrificed and put their lives on the line in addition to their time spent away from you. Getting school services is a minimal perk that the country more than owes your family.

If your father didn’t use the school services, and he passed those on to you, you shouldn’t feel uncomfortable using the service that is merited to your family. Your brother will have his service waiting for him.

Keep your essay focused on getting into UCSB. Stick to the facts. Let me know how it goes.

@“aunt bea” Thank you so much for the encouragement. I’ll be sure to call UCSB’s VA Office first thing Monday to see if they can aid my appeal. You’ve given me a lot of insight as to what I should focus on. I hope to draft something much better by tonight. I will definitely let you know how it goes! Thanks again.

hey do u know if grade really matters if u are appealing, I’m in the same situation as @Marshmello but in my case my admission was rescinded for not meeting the minimum 90 units required for transfer. This is because I couldn’t pass 2 classes this spring. the admin counselor ask that I retake’em this summer in order yo appeal. So do u know if they look at the grades I got or they just looking to see that I passed those classes. I must admit, it is the worst feeling in the world to have an admission you worked so hard for just slip through ur hands:(