Unequal in a relationship

College Confidential Community
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<p>I don't want to get too "emoesque" so I'll try to keep this brief. </p>

<p>I've liked this guy all throughout high school, and I finally got the nerve to ask him out our first year in college... blah blah blah we started dating. Things are great, but I can't help but feel bugged about the inequality of our relationship -- it being I feel twice as more strongly about him then he does me.</p>

<p>I know he cares about me, but I can't help but feel bugged knowing that he doesn't like me as much as I like him.</p>

<p>Anyone ever had this problem or some advice?</p>

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<p>my intial reaction, which is not resolutionary type advice is: you should see how things go, use the advice that other people on this thread give you, and if things dont improve, then you have a problem. you cant have a relationship if it goes one way more than another. if it comes this far, you should talk to him about it, possibly risking the stability of the relationship.</p>

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<p>try acting like you like him less, see what kind of a reaction it provokes to really gauge his level of interest</p>

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<p>It's an age old question, is it better to love or be loved? Everyone has to decide for themselves.</p>

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<p>Drunk dial him nonstop. That is what I do and it makes people mad, so on second thought, don't do that.</p>

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<p>he's probably just shy to express his feelings to a girl cuz expressing feelings like that is considered "fag" in guys' circles. It takes time (well at least for me) to get used to a girl's emotions and what she expects. I think he will eventually show it. Just remember, no guy can resist your cute face and loveable disposition for long!</p>

<p>i mean, i can understand what this guy is going through. i bet he likes you dearly, its just... i think you have to give him a clue that its ok to express himself in front of you and not make himself look like an idiot. Being all emotional is making yourself an idiot amongst guys. He's probably making the same connection with you there. he isn't intentionally trying to hurt you...</p>

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<p>It's possible you have higher expectations since you've liked him for so long, and he might just be like, this is now and I'll see where it goes. I agree to wait it out a bit, but if things don't improve, and he can't develop these strong feelings for you, he isn't for you, and there's plenty of other fish in the college sea.</p>

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<p>each and every relationship will have one person more giving/emotional/loved/etc. than the other because all of us are unique human beings...also every1's priorities are diff. coz of their background, previous experience, etc.
what i would recommend is start talking with him about HIM. human nature loves to talk about themselves...so the more you talk about him, what he likes, what he dont like, his family, etc...the more you might understand about why he feels like the way he does...and after you learn the truth...maybe you will stand to accept it or might be able to convince yourself otherwise...</p>

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<p>If you've read The Great Gatsby, you appear to be suffering from what I call the James Gatz complex. He loved Daisy from when they were 17 until they were reunited. In fact, his "rise to riches" was all just to have a second chance with her. During their second go at a relationship Daisy does love him, but when he realizes she hasn't loved him all this time, he's crushed. She says something like, "Isn't it enough that I love you now?" And no, it isn't. The answer is, it definitely isn't.</p>

<p>Though your situation is not to the extreme extense of this, it's understandable that you're hurt/disappointed about him not returning the same level of feelings. In my opinion, realizing that a person doesn't care about you as much as you care for them is probably one of the most hurtful things ever!!!!</p>

<p>However, some would argue differently:</p>

<p>
[quote]
luv is patient n kind. it is not jealous or boa****l proud or rude. it does not demand its own way. love is not irritable and it keeps no record of wen it has been wronged. it is never glad about injustice but rejoices wenever da truth wins out. luv never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful n endured thru ery circumstance.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Sorry for the distorting of that verse from the bible, I got it off my friend's profile. But just to look at it from a diff perspective, you supposedly love someone not because of the way they make you feel, but SIMPLY JUST BECAUSE of who they are period. Unconditional love, I suppose.</p>

<p>I however disagree with that... If you do decide to stay with your boyfriend, and this "inequality" still exists, you'll just have to "settle" for someone who doesn't like you as much.</p>

<p>Sorry for the long post, I've been away from CC for a while. I know that being in that sort of situation has to really hurt, but good luck.</p>

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<p>that was supposed to be
b o a s t f u l</p>

<p>I have no idea how that's a bad word.</p>

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<p>heh, it occurs all the time. you should be glad that you are with him now.</p>

<p>I liked a person for like 4 years and she told me that I am a stalker.</p>

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<p>Yeah it sucks when that happens... I'm pretty certain I am in your shoes lol, I always tend to like the other person more than they like me. For instance, I want to try to go to the same college with my girlfriend a lot more than she does with me... I've kinda gotten used to not being liked as much though, to be honest. Just keep going until you find someone that is equally obsessed over you and you will be happier :)</p>

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<p>i second that.
someone EQUAL OR MORE obsessed over you.</p>

<p>but I prefer not to have a gf like that, it's a major consumation device of your precious time.</p>

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<p>I wouldn't be so sure, Mallory. A guy is going to be less inclined to be very open with his feelings. He might care about you a whole lot, he just prefers not to show it lest he be dumped because he's not man enough.</p>

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<p>depends on the guy, most girls can see whether guys really care or not (I am a guy BTW), whether is a sophisicated guy's attempt at something new or a totally insensitive guy's first crude attempt at being a caring person.</p>