Unhappy at College. Advice?

Parents Forum
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<p>Hi CC, I came to the parents forum hoping for some wisdom from others regarding my situation. If this is in the wrong section, hope a mod can move it to the right place.</p>

<p>You see, I'll be entering my Sophomore year at UT-Austin, but after a year in college, I've become severely depressed and unhappy with my situation. I feel pretty hopeless, and unsure if I'll ever be happy.</p>

<p>For one, academically I just don't feel challenged. Thus far, classes have been pretty easy for me. I claimed a lot of AP credit too (enough to technically be a sophomore), so it's not like I'm taking all Intro level courses either. I mean, I do understand that the first year is going to be somewhat toned down in difficulty, but I don't feel like any class I've had thus far has really pushed me to my limits. It seems like the readings for class are fairly short, and it's generally okay if you skip them (which half the class does) because they will pretty much be taught in lecture anyway. Discussion sections are pretty lackluster, because I feel like my peers aren't nearly as motivated as I am, and I'm not being introduced to interesting insights or perspectives that I wouldn't have thought of myself. In fact, as sad is it may be, I sometimes yearn for my high school English discussions because at least I felt like my peers were all at least somewhat motivated to do the readings, and I felt like interesting discussions sometimes arose from discussions. I can't really say the same here, and it's incredibly frustrating as a student who does want to learn. On that note, I also can't really say I feel like I learn much either. Sure, I'm learning to memorize rote lists of factual information. But really that's all it is, memorization, there's no cognition or critical thinking behind it.
When I graduated high school, I was hoping for college to be this great bastion of intellectualism. That I would be confronted with demanding coursework, but would be rewarded by coming out a more intelligent person. But really, college has just been a big disappointment in that regard thus far. Even as I've moved into upper-division coursework (I took a course here this summer), I feel that while the material was slightly more difficult, my peers were still lackluster. And while I do understand other people have different levels of intelligence/motivation, it is frustrating to be held back by people who do not do the reading for class or simply do not care and just want to graduate.</p>

<p>Socially, I have a similar problem. I don't really feel like I fit in. I do have friends here, and I have been able to get involved extracurricularly in a couple of organizations that I've met some great people in. But they're more like the "hang out once in a while" type of friends. In High School I was always told that "the friends you make in college will be the friends you have for life," but to be completely honest, I don't feel like I've built a relationship with anyone that comes even close to fitting that criteria yet. I do realize I still have 3 years, but it's just tough. Maybe I have set the bar too high. I mean, I'd like to connect with people who are "intellectual" but still would like to have fun. I'm pretty much locked out of Fraternity Parties as a non-Greek male, and I'm under 21 so the (supposedly amazing) Austin nightlife is pretty much a no go. I would just hang out with friends, but a lot of my current friends are always studying, even on weekends, and while I admire them for it, I'm left pretty bored because I keep on top of things pretty easily. I know in a university of nearly 40,000 undergrads there must be someone I would connect with. But it has become incredibly difficult to seek this hypothetical person out.</p>

<p>I can't help but feel like things could've been better nearly anywhere else as far as schools go. I really wanted to leave my home state for college, especially since I'd like to live on the West Coast after graduation, and I know my state's flagship school will diminish in prestige the farther I get from it. The big issue was that I was rejected from every school I applied to except this one. I would've loved to go somewhere where all the kids made 2100+ on their SATs and loved learning, but that's just not the hand I was dealt. So really, I was left without any choice, and while I initially went into college excited--all of the above really just started to bring me down. I started seeing a therapist, and eventually a psychiatrist and started medication (for reasons not limited to, but including this).</p>

<p>The point is, I suppose, that I'm not very optimistic about the future. I'm just generally unhappy here. Somehow despite now struggling through depression, I manage to get out of bed everyday, and I haven't let it significantly hamper my coursework, but it's incredibly difficult. I've considered transferring, but the soonest that's possible is January, meaning I'll have to stick it out for at least another 6 months. That or take a break from school--but the impression I get is that that may look negative on a Transfer Application. On top of that, it's all just exacerbated by the fact, that people here seem to genuinely love their experience everyday, and when I see people on Facebook post pictures at other (often more elite) colleges, I can't help but get jealous and think that "the grass must be greener."</p>

<p>Anyway, I know this is all probably unhealthy thinking, but I'm at a loss. I am seriously considering dropping out this point. I am spending "the best four years of my life" perpetually miserable, and I don't know what to do about it.</p>

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<p>Just because a college is more “Elite” does not mean the grass is always greener. You can find the same sort of things there as well.</p>

<p>Have you considered joining a club?</p>

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<ol>
<li>Icedragon is right about other schools.</li>
<li>What is your intended major? </li>
<li>Is there an honors collge at UT? and are you part of it?</li>
</ol>

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<p>Are you involved in research at all? Could you contact a few profs and see if they would be interested in having you work with them? It might give you something to focus on outside your classes that would stimulate you intellectually.</p>

<p>As an aside, there have been quite a few threads recently along the “college should be the best years of my life” theme. Don’t buy into it. Think about it. You will probably live until you’re in your 80s. Do you really believe it’s all downhill after you leave college? That you will never make any good friends after you graduate?</p>

<p>By hyping the college years up this way, we (society) are setting people up to feel like failures if it doesn’t work out. College should be a formative experience that prepares people to move on to other things. It’s a transitional period, not the end of the game.</p>

<p>Rant over.</p>

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<p>There is nothing wrong with admitting you are unhappy . Time to look into transferring.</p>

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<p>How long have you been on medication? Are you doing other things for depression, like exercise, meditation, seeing a therapist?</p>

<p>I just want to point out a contradiction: you are disappointed in class because other students are not doing the work, but you are disappointed socially because other students ARE doing the work and are busy with it!</p>

<p>Transferring won’t affect your transcript in any negative way, but generally your grades will not transfer to the new school and your GPA will start from scratch at the new school. Don’t worry about what things look like, anyway, and go after what will make you happier.</p>

<p>Your ideas about elite schools are misguided. Students with high SAT’s don’t necessarily love learning. Students who have played the game well and gotten into elite schools may not contribute to interesting discussions either. The student body varies at every school.</p>

<p>Nevertheless, it sounds like the culture or your university does not suit you. Perhaps you need a smaller, more alternative school. Marlboro, Reed, Macalaster, Oberlin, Carleton, Grinnell, Hampshire, Bennington, Sarah Lawrence, Lewis and Clark all come to mind, and there are others. Classes at these schools tend to be small and are often discussion-based, and participation is a priority.</p>

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<p>There is no contradiction in what OP posted. He finds classes to be very easy, hence he doesn’t need to study that much to get good grades. On the other hand, other students find classes to be very challenging, so they need to spend a lot of time studying and do not have as much time to hang out. OP finds himself bored academically and socially.</p>

<p>OP - are in Austin’s honors program? Wht about speaking with your advisor or few of your favorite professors to see if you could get involved with some research. I would also consider transfer. If you have close to 4.0 GPA, transfer shouldn’t be that hard for you. Of course, it is to assume that you wouldn’t need much of FA because it is harder to get aid as a transfer.</p>

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<p>I know that UT has an Honors program, as well as a freshman house. If you cannot get into the latter, at least apply for the Honors program.</p>

<p>I could have written your post decades ago. I didn’t get into the dream schools, and/or wouldn’t burden my parents with the expense. I was underwhelmed by freshmen group, watching the drunken acts, the amount of kids gathered in TV room. I joined several groups so could find more of my people. Once past some of the general requirements, classes became smaller and more focused. Being in Honors, I got to work with a faculty member. My small group were serious students, aiming for med schools or PH.Ds. I took summer classes in novel schools and places, and was done in 3 years.</p>

<p>In today’s world, I would have sought counseling and been more open with the parents. I might have tried to transfer. Back then, I saw it as a job to study hard and set myself up with lots of choices for grad school. Had my major been different, I would have taken a semester abroad. </p>

<p>I cannot emphasize enough that things got better after freshman year. Between honors, working with a prof, a semester abroad, and transferring, I think you have many options. Talk with a counselor and explore what avenues are best for your needs.</p>

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<p>Very much agree with Laylah’s post:</p>

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</p>

<p>My older one really didn’t enjoy college very much and he went to one of the most elite schools anywhere. He was very excited about going to college and by any estimation should have loved the experience but he just didn’t. He graduated in 3 years and has never looked back. Has been infinitely happier since finishing his undergrad education. For some kids, I think that period of life is a confusing time and no matter where they will be it will hold challenges. In son’s case, he probably majored in the wrong field. He sped thru the requirements for that degree and just clearly didn’t like it very much. Then spent his third year taking a lot of classes in what he did like – science. And that is the field he is in and will probably do graduate work in it.</p>

<p>Before throwing in the towel completely, maybe look at your major. It’s possible you haven’t really found the field that excites you yet. But you’re a good student and so that makes it hard to shift gears. That’s sort of what happened with my son. He was so far along in his degree by the time he realized he didn’t like that field, it was difficult to change.</p>

<p>Know that UT Austen is a very prestigious institution by any standard. And getting a great academic record at such a school will give you ample opportunities ahead.</p>

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<p>@enternamehere</p>

<p>great that you have sought help for your depression. as to your colleges issues, I see the following choices (1) stick with UT and try the strategies suggested above such as seeking out honors classes and developing relationships with professors AND start to try to see the glass half full instead of half empty- if you keep focusing on what you don’t have you will never be happy and trust me that in life nothing is ever perfect and learning to adapt and thrive despite the negatives of UT will be a great life skill (2) transfer to another school if financially feasible- I’d recommend this option if you really don’t think you can handle option (1) plenty of kids transfer and often having a year of college behind you will give you a better handle on what you really want from your education and what you really value in a college or (3) take a complete break from school for a year to do work or study abroad- get some real life experience and perhaps write a blog or book about it since you are an English major.</p>

<p>Most of education is what you make of it. If your classes are too easy or you are not stimulated by the class discussion, that doesn’t mean you can’t challenge yourself by trying to go the next step in the analysis or reading more than required. I sense from your post that you feel the present environment is not going to allow you to succeed, but in reality you have the power to succeed anywhere. It’s all within yourself.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

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<p>I could have written your post a few years ago… What helped me was a combination of the following:</p>

<ul>
<li><p>Skipping most of the undergraduate classes and taking graduate classes instead. I started taking graduate classes in my sophomore year. I really appreciated the smaller classes and being surrounded by students who were working hard in school. </p></li>
<li><p>Spending time at more selective colleges. I was lucky that I could enroll in nearby more selective colleges and universities through a consortium agreement. If that hadn’t been an option, I would have probably transferred. </p></li>
</ul>

<p>People might have considered me depressed or thought I had an attitude problem, but changing my academic environment INSTANTLY made me much much happier. It even solved my mood problems that seemed unrelated to school. </p>

<p>Have you talked to a professor in your major? I found their advice to be surprisingly helpful. Professors love working with motivated students! :slight_smile: Unlike some of the above posters, I am not too optimistic that liberal arts colleges are a good fit for you. Their small size really limits your options. If you find yourself more motivated than your peers again (which is a real possibility), you’d be “more” stuck than you are now. I’ve been let down by LACs that have a reputation for their academic rigor and hard-working students…</p>

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<p>One of my kids was unhappy the 1st year plus of school. I’d say a big part of that was unhappiness in her, and I have to blame me (and my wife’s) genetics for a great big part of that. She grew out of it. She did get out in 3 years, but the happiness grew each term and she ended up loving it. </p>

<p>My main point is that the unhappiness is probably more in you than about where you are. Look around. Find stuff you want to do. Look at your parents. I know that I had bouts of unhappiness at that age and so my kid did too. Odds are good your mom or dad or both went through feelings like this. </p>

<p>And also realize that many, many, many people are unhappy at this time of life. They often don’t talk about it much but they are. It’s a real positive that you are able to share your feelings, even if anonymously, if only because you are articulate and rational about your thoughts.</p>

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<p>I’ll second the suggestion of joining a club. You need to find some place/way to find other people with common interests. Maybe there’s a service club or volunteer group?</p>

<p>What is your major? Does it have lock-step requirements or can you do as suggested and jump to senior/graduate level courses?</p>

<p>Is there a weekly seminar in your department where upper level undergraduates or graduates or professors present their research? Have you been attending? My guess is that those insightful students you’re looking for may be found there.</p>

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<p>“Skipping most of the undergraduate classes and taking graduate classes instead. I started taking graduate classes in my sophomore year. I really appreciated the smaller classes and being surrounded by students who were working hard in school.”</p>

<p>This is a great plan. Also consider stepping outside of your major to take some inherently challenging classes that attract motivated kids. You won’t find slackers taking accelerated Japanese.</p>

<p>In my experience, fine arts organizations usually attract intellectual types. If you want to meet people in various majors who care about their classes, join a classical choir, orchestra, or theater troupe. If you don’t have the talent/training to be onstage, groups will still need extra hands behind the scenes, and you can still become friends with everyone. I bet the people in the Spirit of Shakespeare company are people who like to read. I see that there are also a number of literary appreciation and support societies at UT. [University</a> of Texas at Austin - Office of the Dean of Students - Student Activities - Registered Student Organization Database](<a href=“Office of the Dean of Students - Student Activities - View Orgs”>Office of the Dean of Students - Student Activities - View Orgs) Show up to a whole bunch of introductory meetings at the beginning of fall semester – I bet you will know right away when you are in a room full of like-minded individuals.</p>

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<p>Surprised by the amount of support I’m receiving! Thanks for the suggestions.</p>

<p>First of all, I am currently involved in a couple of organizations here as I already mentioned. But I will definitely look into joining more once the Fall semester rolls around.</p>

<p>There are honors programs here at UT in the Liberal Arts, but you have to apply as a freshman typically, which I admittedly did not do because I thought the chances of me attending school here was nil. However, once you have 60 credit hours (which I do,) and fulfill a certain GPA threshold (I also do) you can register for some of these classes that are typically just restricted to those admitted to the programs as freshmen. Additionally, I am an English Honors student, which also gives me access to smaller more motivated classes that I am looking for. Needless to say, I’m registered for classes in both of these disciplines for the Fall.</p>

<p>As for a change in major, people seem to suggest this a lot. I’ve looked over my school’s degree possibilities, and there is pretty much nothing else I’m interested in. Maybe Philosophy, but unfortunately there isn’t much you can do with a Philosophy degree. (Not that English is much better!) But, I’m pretty sure I’d like to stay within the Liberal Arts. Besides, I honestly feel like it’s not the material I’m dissatisfied with, but rather the peers.</p>

<p>Done a little bit of research. Working with a graduate student right now on a project. But it hasn’t really taken off yet. </p>

<p>Don’t really have any Professors I have connected with yet. In fact, within my major I’ve been taught entirely by grad students thus far. I contacted several to see if they needed help with research over the summer–they all politely turned me down.</p>

<p>Above all, I really desperately would like to transfer, but it seems like there are issues there as well. I’m not in significant dire straits financially, but knowing that transfer students often get the shaft when it comes to financial aid is discouraging. I’m not sure if I really want to go into significant amounts of debt, particularly because there’s a strong possibility of graduate school later on. And of course, at such a large school I’ve taken several classes that likely have no equivalent at a small LAC, and thus won’t transfer. Don’t get me wrong–I’d absolutely love to go to a LAC, but the barriers that I might have to hurdle over make it an equally difficult process, but it’s still high on my list of options.</p>