My mother is really upset that I’m considering allowing my son to go out of state to boarding school. She’s in her late 80s, and they have a special bond. I’ve tried explaining to her what boarding schools offers and why my son wants to go. She comes up with a million reasons why he shouldn’t go. I’m going to have my son tell her why he wants to go. I’m also going to make it clear that if my son goes to boarding school, she can visit him anytime. (She has plenty of money to fly out.) Does anyone have any suggestions on how to help her cope with this?
Is she comfortable using Skype or FaceTime? If not, maybe you could have your son teach her how to use it, and do some practice runs with other family members or friends.
Was also going to suggest social media for them to keep in touch. About dealing with the upset Grandma, maybe you should just stop talking about it with her.
How lucky for you and your son that his grandmother is so attached and has such a special bond with you son! Many of us are envious of this. Skype is a good idea. Bring grandma along on dropping your son off at boarding school so she can get an idea of what a special place it will be for your son. Include her on family weekend as well. The more she feels part of the BS family, the easier time she will have to adjusting to the idea. Hopefully, your son will male the time to stay in touch and keep the connection with your mother. Make sure he sets aside time during vacations home to spend some one-on-one time with his grandmother. At her age, I am sure she knows that time may be limited and that is part of what is bothering her.
@CheddarcheeseMN I try not to talk about it. She keeps bringing it up.
@soxmom Skype is a great idea. Thanks!
@doschicos Very good ideas! Thank you. I agree that we’re fortunate that they have that connection.
@CheddarcheeseMN I forgot to say that he is going to camp at a boarding school this summer. I invited my mom to go with me to drop him off. That’s why it’s on her mind now.
He is going to sleep away camp followed by boarding school? Will that be followed by sleep away camp again? Do you not like spending time with your child? Could your child move into his grandmother’s house instead?
I don’t know if this applies to your son’s school but my daughter’s school is very active on social media and on their own website. They included grandparents on the sign up for the weekly newsletter that goes out with what is happening that week/happened last week usually with links to photos or videos. That has given her grandparent a greater sense of what she’s doing and also all the cool stuff that happens at the school.
LOL. I thought maybe my comment was a bit harsh until I read Lostaccount’s.
You are the parent, and it is your decision to make. But, you are also a daughter, and maybe you never worked out an appropriate adult relationship with your mom. This is not meant to be an insult, but an insight.
If you are a single parent, or got pregnant as a teenager, or live with your mom, or live very close by, any of these factors could increase the amount of power you may have given to your mom in making decisions regarding your son.
Do you bend to your moms will on lots of things? If your mom doesn’t usually butt into your business, you can have a bit more patience with her about this big decision that will affect her greatly.
If you are living with your mom, or accepting monetary support from her, she may feel more entitled to voice her opinion.
You can choose to change the way you interact with your mom, or she may be at an age where no amount of discussion will make her see reason.
If you believe BS is best overall for your son, and your son agrees, then go for it. Grandmaw might come around with visits and skype. She may carry the grudge and not forgive you for sending her grandson away. You can’t control her behavior.
I hope you pay no attention to lostaccount’s comment.
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Ignoring mean comments above, no sense in engaging with bad people<<
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In addition to social media, I think many schools invite grandparents to visit campus. At Hotchkiss, they have a parents’ weekend in the fall, and a grandparents’ weekend in the spring. The grandparents get to attend class with their grandchildren, get a tour of campus, see some of the performing arts, etc. It’s really fabulous, my parents and in-laws have loved it (and my children have been unexpectedly gracious about have to entertain all 4 of their grandparents at once).
I can relate. My DD and my mom are very close. My parents were not supportive at first. My Dad went to BS in the 60’s when it was different. I invited my mom with us for some of our visits last fall. She was blown away by the schools- the students warmth, intelligence and all of the opportunities. We had many, manny talks about a parents role of sacrificing for our children’s growth and happiness. She is fully supporting DD now and is coming to parents weekend in the Fall! Maybe a visit to the school would help? Drop off or parents weekend. And yes, setting her up with Facebook. My DD is also spending a week with them this summer alone for some quality time.
@lostaccount My son is in 7th grade. He’s going to camp to get a feel for boarding school and decide if he wants to apply next year.
@powercropper I’m not sure why you seem to be thinking that my mom has any influence in this decision. I don’t live with her, I’m not a single mom, I’m don’t bend to her will, etc. I am not trying to control her behavior. I want to help my mom get through this. I want to help her cope.
@soxmom Thanks for that info. I had no idea some schools had grandparents’ day.
@copperboom I think a visit would help too. My son has gone on a week-long vacation with her a couple of times. I love that he has such a great relationship with her.
@ThacherParent Thanks for the support!
@Momof7thgrader Good ideas! She likes Facebook. She can follow the school he goes to! I bet she’d love to read newsletters too.