<p>D lives in an on campus apartment with five other housemates. One of the housemates screams and yells and cries and kicks walls( in her single room in the apt) quite often Sleep nights are few and far between for any of them.. At one point the other hm worried she was being abused by bf who is always there- and told the resident CA who met with her and gave her referrals and literature. She and bf are always in her room. This girl is totally uncommunicative with the others who have become quite close.
Two nights ago she ran screaming out of her room in only her underwear-one hm called the police who found her on a roof screaming " I don't cut anymore" and threatening to jump... she was taken to the hospital and put under a "72hour" observation. #6 hours later she walks back in and proceeds to her room.
So a meeting is called with the five hm ,CA and his boss who tells them that even though they want the suicidal hm to move to a safe place-that won't happen. "This is not the first time she has done this all I can tell you is she has a thick file from last year as well- call the police when she screams and yells" then" Everyone has a right to kill themselves- I know that her screaming must be hard for you but it is not in my job description to keep anyone safe." " If you all want to move out you can and we will fill it with 5 others"WHAT?????
My heart breaks for this poor young girl who needs help!Now, D and the others feel responsible and frightened she is going to do something to herself or to them when they call the police again...d is coming home for the weekend very upset about the whole thing but really upset that the people in charge just don't care about this poor girl or anyone!
Is this right? Do they have to live in fear that this fragile girl will do this again?Am I wrong to feel angry? maybe I need to get involved...</p>
<p>Don’t have any experience with this kind of thing, and probably don’t have any great advice for you, just want to say I am sorry your D is having to experience a literal life and death drama in her own apartment.</p>
<p>It may sound callous, but I would focus on your own D first. Glad you will have her under your own roof for a couple of days. Love on her, let her know you will support her in getting through this. If she is up to it, listen to her stories about this situation. Ask questions when you feel she is up to it. Ask what she wants to do? Did she know this rm before they moved in together? Or was this a randomly assigned rm? Is your D scared for her own safety? Ask how your D wants you to be of help.</p>
<p>I would personally push for my D to leave the apartment immediately. How do you handle the regular pressures of college academics when you either have drama or are waiting for the drama to play out in your apartment? I wouldn’t want my child to witness a suicide and the aftermath of emotions she will feel.</p>
<p>Maybe there is something you can do to push college administration to get the child help. Or maybe the roommates might be able to contact the student’s parents?? I would suggest you take your cues from your own D, and be there to listen/talk/act as she needs you.</p>
<p>That is a ludicrous response on the part of the school. I’d be firing up my helicopter and flying up the chain of command, since the girls have tried and are getting nowhere. This roommate has given housing reason to move her - she’s disruptive to the other girls - and leaving those girls with this fragile roommate and telling them to call the police is about the dumbest thing I’ve heard. It’s not fair to the troubled girl or to the roommates.</p>
<p>Thank you! It is ridiculous at best! They were randomly assigned and have bonded even more so over this situation! I am trying to figure out who to call- d asked me to wait till she gets home to call anyone so I am trying to respect this but ugh…they are all locking their doors now- good idea talking to her parents but none of them even know where she is from! It is very sad but Power you have a good point in" focusing on my own d first" ugh!</p>
<p>This is unusual. I don’t understand. Schools usually send a suicidal student home, for his or her safety but also to protect the school from liability: parents have sued schools where their child has committed suicide.</p>
<p>I would also think the school would be afraid of lawsuits from housemates’ families as well. After you talk with an administrator, I would check with a lawyer. You can talk with a lawyer for maybe $200 for an hour or so, and then repeat what the lawyer says to the administrator. That should be as effective as paying the lawyer for more than that hour, if money is an issue.</p>
<p>I am not sure what can be done for the troubled housemate on your end. I hope she has a home to go to with understanding and capable parents and professional help.</p>
<p>Your message seems to have some implicit compassion, as well as concern for your own.</p>
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<p>Ludicrous and puzzling. This is a potential serious lawsuit waiting to happen and the school admins are playing stereotypical ostrich. </p>
<p>In this case, parental intervention isn’t helicopter parenting…but highly appropriate. </p>
<p>Students have exhausted all their options and the school’s being grossly irresponsible here. </p>
<p>Especially the one who said:</p>
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<p>You need to document who said it and when as this statement alone illustrates the callous lack of responsibility and concern a school employee has over the incidents.</p>
<p>If it’s an on-campus apartment as stated in OP, then it’s the school’s responsibility…whether they want to admit it or not.</p>
<p>Read the housing contract, concentrating on rules being broken by the girl, such as excessive noise and having the boyfriend there too much.
Go up the chain of command.
Call her parents, who have been dealing with this and would want to know what is going on.</p>
<p>It sounds to me like she is on drugs. Suicidal people do not run normally around screaming their intentions and go out on the roof naked. This sounds drug induced to me and you do NOT want your daughter living with an unstable drug addict. I would get her out immediately.</p>
<p>I would do a couple of things. Find out if there is a mental health health service: many schools have them to prevent suicide. Have at least one housemate call to report the poor girl. Her actions need to be put on file on the medical half of campus, not just in police reports or in residential life. Then see if student health service has any counseling/advice for the housemates. Call residential living and again report the situation. See what can be done. No one can sustain sanity living in this situation for very long, not the troubled student, not the housemates.</p>
<p>Keep escalating until the housemates receive some response other than the one they got from the CA.</p>
<p>Don’t attempt to get in contact with the student’s parents. They may not welcome the news about their child. I would leave the contact to the university. I would focus on the safety of your child and the housemates.</p>
<p>Slacker is right - escalate as high as needed (even if you have to go to the dean of housing) and escalate on the mental health side as well (again there will be somebody in charge of the health services area)</p>
<p>I’m surprised that no one has pointed out yet that the mentally unstable roommate may pose a risk not only to herself, but also to her roommates.</p>
<p>Escalate this yourself . . . and do it NOW!</p>
<p>P.S. I’d also suggest that your daughter and her roomies go back to “CA and his boss” and request an explanation in writing as to why the housemate can’t be moved out of the apartment.</p>
<p>ugh, phone typing. I meant to say this is an unsustainable situation. No one can live this way for the entire school year. The housemates and parents need to escalate the reporting.</p>
<p>Well, if your D (or you) can’t get anywhere in a short amount of time, I’d tell the other girls to take up the offer to move out. It’s not the RIGHT thing to do, but it does remove them from this disruptive (and scary) roommate.</p>
<p>The CA(?) stated that they had this problem with this student tenant last year and they have a thick file on her.</p>
<p>So this is recurring behavior that just might be the way this person exists.</p>
<p>Since it is an on campus student apartment the school should do something.</p>
<p>I would have the girls videotape these episodes in their own living space and take this to the proper people and demand something be done. Easier for them to move 1 student into her own space than move 4 other students.</p>
<p>You never know, however, how the school will handle it.</p>
<p>Videos and written complaints will bring about action. You just can’t anticipate what action they will take.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>I would not bother trying to help this girl. She obviously has some history. She has been seen by emergency psych and let go. they are aware of her and she has been given the info she needs to secure help. </p>
<p>This should be about your kid. That will take more than enough of your energy.</p>
<p>I would tell the school administration that if anything were to happen to my kid I would hold them responsible. Sheesh.</p>
<p>Everything I have read recently shows that college administrators want to find students like this and get them help (also prevent Virginia Tech type incidents). So I am wondering if the right people know. A CA (is that like an RA) may be a student and may not know what to do. Perhaps your DD should talk to the Dean of Students or the Mental Health people at school about her roommate.</p>
<p>The college already said they can move…seems stupid for move all these girls instead of moving one girl, but bureaucracies can be a tad screwy sometimes. </p>
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<p>I"d definitely get things in writing, including the response so far from the CA and school and move up to head of housing and head of mental health at the school. The responses to date have been extremely odd for a school. Would also advise having a recording of the girl yelling and whatever for use as needed in talking with school.</p>
<p>Frankly, the purported response from the school is so bizarre that I have a hard time believing it. </p>
<p>Are you SURE you are getting the whole story here?</p>