I am currently a freshmen at a school in the middle of nowhere. The school is more than 5 hours away from my home and the only reason why I choose it was because I needed a change. I wasn’t happy at home, so I felt like I HAD to leave. I always wanted a friend group that I could have fun with and rely on - which is what I did not have at home.
I finally have that friend group here, however, I am not happy here. There is nothing to do at this school but drink and go to the bar…I feel like i am living in a different world where time is not passing by. I don’t have a fake (unlike everyone else here) so I sit in my room doing nothing. I know you will tell me that not everyone drinks and I should get involved on campus, however I have tried. I have joined clubs and sports, yet at 11pm everyone still goes out to the bar after their extracurriculars. I have a family of police officers so they have brainwashed me into well - not doing anything illegal. Literally everyone here goes out…some how I knew everything about this school but exactly that. I love the friends I have made here however they even go out themselves. I feel like they have a place here and I don’t. The days drag and I feel like I am not living. I came here to live, however I feel like this place isn’t what I thought it was going to be. I have severe anxiety and depression and being here is making it worse, so it would make sense to leave to deal with it at home. However, I do not want to leave these people. I have made amazing connections that I want to keep forever.
The town the school is in has nothing in it and i don’t have a car, so I feel trapped on campus. I get very anxious here because at home (which is in the NYC area) it is very different from upstate NY.
Although I know you will say that I can make friends at a different school back home and stay in touch with my college friends, I do not feel like i will have the same connection with my new friends like i have with these ones because unlike if i went to college at home, i live with these people here. Even though the logical thing is to transfer, i don’t want to regret the decision. My friends understand where I am coming from and tell me I should do whatever makes me happy, but even though I am in this wasteland I want to stay at the same time (because of them).
The college I am at now is a decent school with a ton of majors whereas the school I would transfer to isn’t looked upon as a good school, although all my credits would transfer and I still don’t have a major (it would make sense financially to do that), I don’t want to give up on this experience I have up here. I feel like I am looking for reasons to stay here even though I am miserable. I am so conflicted on what to do even though the answer seems so clear… has anyone else been in this position that can help me?