<p>Wow, this seems to be the week of the roommates. I think there are 2 other threads going on about roommates as well. </p>
<p>As a student, I’d also say to have your son and Cal check with Trey first. I know I’d be a bit surprised if a roommate’s parent took such an interest in me, but also, I wouldn’t be offended (I’d probably feel touched that someone cared about me). And it would also depend on how close I was with the roommate. </p>
<p>I’m sorry if I missed this, but how long have your son and Cal known Trey? Did they just meet up last school year? If they’ve known him longer, it’d probably be easier to talk to him about his new lifestyle, but if they’re still relatively “new” to each other, I’d tread a bit more carefully.</p>
<p>In freshman year, all three guys roomed on the same dorm floor on campus, tho they were not roommates. This is when they all became acquainted. Next year son and Cal roomed together then decided to move off campus at end of school year. Trey was interested in moving too, and that all went smoothly. All of them are very easy going guys. I don’t foresee a showdown at the OK corral or anything (unlike Breaking Bad!) and I’m sure for the better or worse, things will eventually work out. It’s helped me a lot to read all the different sides that this set of circumstances could potentially have. I appreciate all the posts on the matter…the legal stuff was over my head, tho! lol</p>
<p>Most young adults IME…especially men wouldn’t interpret parental interest in that manner as touching. Especially if they’re teens to early twentysomethings. </p>
<p>IME, most would regard that as an unwarranted intrusion into what they perceive to be their personal business.</p>
<p>Oh, c’mon. Most kids know parents are parents, a different generation with a different perspective. I talk to my daughters’ friends (male and female, some barely ahead of Trey in terms of what they are doing with their lives, including some who now have their degrees) and they generally appreciate the attention and occasional mild advice. </p>
<p>Unwarranted intrusion? Or simple interaction? Huge difference between “buttonholing” him and sharing a few words. The more Miller pipes in, the more reasonable he/she seems.</p>
<p>As I posted previously, the matter of Trey staying at home and not seeming to have a job is a matter which from what I’ve seen…could only be broached with some possibility of success if the roommate’s parent had already previously had a long-established relationship with him/his parents. And even then, they rarely tend to end well due to great potentials for retorts of the MYOB variety and having those relationships broken as a result. </p>
<p>If it’s a parent he never met before or only on a passing acquaintance variety, that parent will likely be regarded as a “nosy parker” in MommaJ’s words. </p>
<p>It will also reflect poorly on the parent’s child as well as in most young adult roommate situations, this is a matter which should be dealt with/settled among the roommates themselves. Especially considering they are all on the lease. </p>
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<p>It’s not a matter of whether the OP sounds or is reasonable. It’s whether her broaching the topic would seem reasonable in the mindset of Trey…or many young adults in similar positions. </p>
<p>OP can offer advice/ideas for her son, but her son and the roommates should handle any conversations themselves and tread carefully. If it goes south for any reason, there could be much unintended blowback on OP’s son and/or other roommate, however unfortunate and unfair it may be.</p>
<p>What are you projecting? OP had a simple conversation, at most. I don’t think OP got even close to the stage or state where MYOB could be called for. Broaching what subject? A parent runs into a college kid/roommate and asks, how are classes going? </p>
<p>Blowback? Again, what are you projecting? Please don’t tell me it happened to you or someone you know or someone they know, etc. Many of us parents speak to kids in our line of sight. Many kids know how to mumble some pleasantries back. The end. No crisis. Read what OP actually said, throughout the thread.</p>
<p>I was saying if OP probed further once she found Trey wasn’t taking classes and found he doesn’t seem to have an apparent job. </p>
<p>The conversation OP recounted was fine. She was asking about possible further inquiries she was considering after that conversation in light of those facts.</p>
<p>Any further involvement is really up to the son, other roommate, and Trey. Especially considering Trey is on the lease and has been current on his rent so far.</p>
<p>I was not “asking about possible further inquiries she was considering” at the time of my original post. I was not considering anything. I came here asking for advice and insight. I think perhaps you’re reading something into what I posted that isn’t there.</p>
That sounded like “considering” to me, and I’m sure to others. What kind of involvement did you had in mind? If your post was just about just advising your kid, then I see your point.</p>
<p>I think I’ve been given good advice on this thread as to how to look at the situation. That’s what I was going for. It seems others have come across similar scenarios. I was asking what other parents would do if they were in my shoes.</p>
<p>Update:
After about six months of no school or work, Trey is now gainfully employed.</p>
<p>Several weeks ago, Son and Cal came up with their own strategy to try to nudge Trey out into the workforce. Among other things, they decided to keep asking Trey how his job search was going. They would do it one-on-one, and would tell him of any places they saw around that was hiring. Individually, they offered to go out with him when he filled out applications. </p>
<p>In doing so, they found out a few things. For one, Trey didn’t want have to enter any kind of large building in the city that housed a number of shops and restaurants, ect. He wanted to be able to walk right off the street into a store. Also, he didn’t want to apply for a job and have follow-up interviews. As it turned out, there was a section of town where he liked to walk and hang out, and along that route, there was a specialty sandwich shop. He went in and applied for a job and was hired on the spot.</p>
<p>Even better, after working part time for just a short week or so, his employer found Trey had a nice, easy-going personality and offered him a 44 hour work week and the job even pays above the minimum wage by a dollar or so.</p>
<p>I cannot say Son and Cal’s approach played any part in Trey finally started work. Another thing that happened is Trey’s dad came and visited him for a weekend just before all this. So perhaps the father and son get-together was a turning point for Trey.</p>
<p>It sounds like Trey may be working on some issues, and if so, good for him for getting a job and doing well. It also sounds like his family is keeping an eye on the situation. Which is a good thing.</p>
<p>Miller 514- your son and Cal were great friends to help him. I’m glad he found a job. It surely means a lot to him to have been successful. I’m also glad his dad came to visit, and hopefully will continue to be a support for this young man.</p>