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No, that’s just being a nosy parker. I can think of a long list of things in my life that are strictly my business, no matter what anyone else chooses. Basically, notwithstanding the title of this thread. there is no “roommate situation” for OP to be concerned with or seek advice about.</p>
<p>I didn’t get the impression at all that the OP was being nosy. On the contrary, it seemed she was mostly concerned about Trey’s well-being. It also seemed she was looking for feedback and maybe even some support for what seemed to her unusual. </p>
<p>I feel strongly it’s possible to involve oneself in a troubling situation out of good intentions. I also feel it’s up to each of us to decide what we make our business, with the hope of having a positive impact. If the other party doesn’t agree, they are of course free to tell us to mind our own business!</p>
<p>While I agree that boundaries and respect for personal business is important, I think some of these posts are a little harsh on the OP for being concerned.
Parents have less contact with their child than room mates do. They see the person day to day and while their personal life is private, it’s hard to ignore self destructive behavior. It seems the concern about Trey comes primarily from his room mates, who have tried to help him and remain concerned. The OP is trying to decide when, and if, Trey would need assistance.
College juniors are legal adults, but many are still financially dependent on parents, who, if paying rent, do have a stake in the safety and finances of where they live. I think it is fine to have room mates with different interests, goals, and who may be doing different things, however, even some adults will have life situations that require help, and the OP is considering what to do in that case. Sometimes parental concern is intrusive, but sometimes it is reasonable, and it’s not always easy to know what to do.</p>
<p>Pennylane and Kelly, you read my intentions correctly. Having a son in college is new territory for my husband and I. We are bound to encounter situations that seem unusual to us, based on our limited experience. I liked hearing from others who’ve encounter something similar.</p>
<p>From my original post:<br>
"I’m just not sure if I should have any involvement here. "</p>
<p>It’s not saying I want to get involved. I’m asking if I should have any involvement at all. </p>
<p>People interpret what they want. </p>
<p>I appreciate the varied responses. They were enlightening.</p>
<p>In original post, I wrote: I talked to Trey and learned: he is not taking classes this semester.</p>
<p>We were having a casual conversation while I was waiting for son to pack to go home. I wasn’t grilling the guy about his life. Since college classes started that week, a natural topic of conversation seemed to me to be “How are your classes going?” Trey offered the information about not being enrolled from that simple question. Certainly, I had no idea that was going to be his reply. I said something like, “Oh, okay, uh-huh.” Then the conversation steered away from that subject towards my going back to work the following week as I had the summer off. Soon, son was packed and we headed out. It’s funny that some posters seem to find it offensive that I even spoke with Trey!</p>
<p>No need to be defensive. I would have done the same thing. Red flag would have gone up for me because 1) if a kid is not in school and not working, what could he be doing all day (partying, dealing drugs?), 2) could he possibly lose his funding for the apartment. </p>
<p>When D1 signed a lease for the first time, I added in the lease that each roommate would be responsible for their own rent, AND if one RM should move out, 1) D1 would have the option of finding another RM, 2) if D1 should decide not to look for another RM then the landlord would be responsible, the new RM would need to be a student from her college. </p>
<p>All of that verbiage was to make sure D1 wouldn’t be stuck paying someone else’s rent and be living with someone with different life style.</p>
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<p>If the slacker roommate is on the lease and has been meeting his rent obligations so far, what do you expect the other leaseholders/their parents to do?</p>
<p>Up until the point he stops paying rent or otherwise violates leasing terms which gives the landlord the right to kick him(and in some cases, possibly the other roommates) out provided he/she follows the eviction procedures very carefully, that slacker roommate has the same legal rights to the apartment as the other tenants until the lease is up. </p>
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<p>I’m surprised that landlord accepted those added conditions. </p>
<p>Most landlords IME and from later befriending folks who are landlords prefer the commonplace “jointly and separately responsible” clause in apartment leases involving 2 or more roommates as it simplifies the legal administration/hassles of collecting overdue rent. Landlords typically don’t care from which of the roommates the rent is coming from so long as the full stipulated rent is paid on schedule and he/she has the means of suing any and/or all roommates on the lease for any arrears if and when they arise. </p>
<p>Also, #2 restriction of the roommate needing to be from her college may not only be problematic for the landlord trying to find a replacement roommate, but may also not be legally enforceable in some jurisdictions. While some cities like NYC or Boston have laws highly favorable to tenants, I’d doubt many housing courts would be thrilled over having the remaining tenant(s) restrict the landlord’s ability to find a replacement tenant in such a manner…especially if the remaining tenant(s) are unable/unwilling to find another suitable roommate within a reasonable period.</p>
<p>cobrat - everything is negotiable in this world. You give some and you take some. I made myself on the hook for the rent in exchange for the verbiage. My sister, a lawyer, drafted the language, and the landlord agreed to it. I am sharing this because it is possible, and also to support OP that there are other parents with similar concerns.</p>
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Why? Are you a lawyer? Contract is something which can be agreed by both parties.</p>
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<p>Just because a given contract is drawn up and agreed upon by two or more parties does not necessarily mean all or some of the terms and stipulations are legally enforceable because they may be illegal in a given jurisdiction or be considered unreasonable impositions on one of the parties by a given judge if it is brought before him/her in court. </p>
<p>For instance, one gated community that’s about a 45 minute walk from my area once had a covenant which barred the selling of homes in that community to African-Americans, Hispanics, Jews, and those working in “working class occupations” until the '70s. Even if it had remained in their gated community rules, it would not have been legally enforceable due to Federal, State, and Local Civil Rights and Housing Laws. A reason why when it was challenged in the '70s, that covenant restriction was ruled illegal and thus, struck down. </p>
<p>Many contracts or ultimately legally groundless “cease & desist letters” I’ve seen/read about have been struck down in court or easily parried away as legal pablum/puffery meant to intimidate those unaware of their legal rights because of the factors I cited above were also drafted by lawyers…and then successfully challenged by people with or sometimes without their own lawyers.</p>
<p>A landlord owning multiple buildings “unaware of their legal rights”? Sheesh.
cobrat - are you a lawyer? I know, one of your friends or cousins is. Just because you worked at a law firm as an IT person also doesn’t qualify you for giving legal advice either. I did consult a lawyer about D1’s lease.</p>
<p>But everyone is presuming that this young man will cease paying rent. I would not make that assumption. It’s possible he has a source of income (trust fund etc.) or that his parents are supporting a break from academics (e.g. academic suspension, a gap etc.). If some parent I didn’t know called me and I knew what was going on with one of my kids, I’d probably tell that phone caller to butt out. The OP does not know what that roommate’s parent(s) know or don’t know. Who really knows what is going on with the rooommate. I think the OP needs to keep in touch with their child and maintain a wait and see attitude for now.</p>
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<p>Landlords are human like the rest of us. Some are more aware of their legal rights than others. The ones who aren’t end up getting burned by tenants who do know more about their legal rights. Some of my landlord friends ended up getting burned in this very manner because they were very naive about being landlords or had an extreme long string of good luck of having no problem tenants before encountering a seriously problematic one with a litigious streak. All one needs to do to enter the landlord business is to have enough cash to buy a rental property and the willingness to assume the responsibilities/hassles it entails. </p>
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<p>What I posted above is information which could be gained from having rented apartments as a tenant while being observant of the lease terms, tenants rights organizations, talking with those experienced with rental issues on both the landlord/tenant sides, and working closely with lawyers on cases where they successfully challenged various terms/clauses within a given contract or got an entire contract declared unenforceable because they managed to produce citations proving those terms were illegal or convinced the judge the terms placed an unreasonable imposition on one or more parties in a given business/contractual transaction. </p>
<p>While the law firm I worked for didn’t do housing contracts, the lawyers there explained that the basic principles apply to any contract…including housing contracts. </p>
<p>All contracts are not only negotiable…but could also be successfully legally challenged IF some/all terms within them are illegal under the laws of a given jurisdiction and/or it places an unreasonable imposition on one or more parties. Of course, what constitutes “unreasonable” depends on the laws of a given jurisdiction and the judge who happens to be on the case.</p>
<p>Is this where you’d insert a hun-like youtube Haggle scene?? Lemme help [Monty</a> Python - Life of Brian - The Haggle scene - YouTube](<a href=“- YouTube”>- YouTube) Actually, I think the counteroffer scene from “My Cousin Vinny” is more a propos, but it has a few salty words in it, so am not sure if its ok to link… If anyone wants a trip down memory lane, look at the youtube “conditional acceptance counteroffer (My Cousin Vinny)” video for a good chuckle.</p>
<p>cobrat - have you personally challenged any contract in a court? I haven’t. The only experience (knowledge) I have has been advice given to me by my attorney. For work, I regularly negotiate with vendors, business partners and clients. I don’t think I’ve ever come across any contract which hasn’t been heavily revised and negotiated by various parties. </p>
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If your law firm doesn’t deal with housing contracts, why would they be talking about it? Lawyers I deal with do not regularly give out information for free.</p>
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<p>Sounded a bit like a talk my study abroad hosts had right before we went to shop for souvenirs/knickknacks in Mainland China. :)</p>
<p>Incidentally, if something was being offered for 20 shekels, I’d start my haggling by offering 2-3 and go from there. :)</p>
<p>Just in case, figure out the other two apartment-mates legal obligations if he suddenly stops paying bills.</p>
<p>It’s unorthodox, but when you mentioned Trey being able to pay the rent and playing Pokemon on his laptop all day, I was wondering if playing Pokemon and recording it (hence the laptop) could, in fact, be his job. There are a number of Youtubers who make a decent salary off of playing games on Youtube (especially Pokemon), and a few who make a full–and good–living off of it. It’s not likely, of course, but it could be.</p>
<p>There’s something perversely entertaining about two non-lawyers expressing authoritative opinions on legal matters.</p>
<p>annasdad - how is Anna doing? Has she been motivated enough to find her major yet? Nice to see you popping in.</p>
<p>So, annasdad. What’s YOUR opinion on the legal matter? Do you have one, or are you just here to be snarky?</p>