<p>Let go.</p>
<p>Tank parents...that's hilarious.</p>
<p>I never understood the worrying about laundry, phone calls, and eating habits. Those were the least of my worries. Mostly, I wanted my child to be happy and enthusiastic about his education and his life. That's the biggest concern I had. I could care less if his clothes are wrinkled or he eats Golden Grahams for lunch.</p>
<p>That's awesome (especially since I have orientation for UVA transfers tomorrow!). My parents wern't really helicopters during the admission process, nor my first year. Instead, it was more "is everything in line in your life?", unless it was something really important. I talked to my mom usually once a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. Came home once or twice in addition to breaks. But, honestly, i'm so glad that they respect me enough to let me handle my own life. Even transferring they left up to me, as I applied/researched on my own and spent a ridiculous time on my own doing so, and they saw that. They still try to tell me how to cut a steak or change a lightbulb or set a curfew or whatever sometimes, but for the most part, they let me go, which is really nice. My mom told me the other day that the reason that they do this is because I've demonstrated responsibility to them over the years and have observed that I don't really let important stuff get out of control, and thus know that they don't always have to be watching over.
What parents need to realize is that we're becoming adults and need to start making decisions on our own. Unless it's going to kill us, hurt others, or financially/academically screw us, we need to make mistakes to learn from them. Parent's can still act as a safety net, but that net needs to be lowered, a lot, upon college entrance, and needs to be lowered a bit at a time after that. We promise we'll come to you before anything goes horribly wrong, so promise us you'll trust us and back off while standing close by if we need you (think back to the days of learning how to ride a bike...dad can't hold on for forever, but can certainly run right behind you)</p>
<p>Only problem is that thanks to my brother's football, last year only my mom came for parent's weekend and we had a blast together alone. Now that I'm only 2 hours away, I have a feeling I might be getting the "rescue me" call from my mother, instead of my mother getting it from me =P</p>
<p>There was an interesting comment from a professor on another thread. He said that mother's were interupting their children's intellectual development by calling them incessantly during the day. Rather than discuss the class ahead or behind them, students were glued to the phone telling mom what went on in their day.</p>
<p>That did it for me.</p>
<p>No more day time phone calls!</p>
<p>Students answer phone calls from their parents?</p>
<p>I have one and only one concern about my daughter who will start college in three weeks.</p>
<p>I'm worried that she will fall asleep without taking out her contact lenses and will thereby damage her eyes.</p>
<p>I realize that this is stupid. She has worn contacts for five years and has never fallen asleep accidentally. She deliberately trained herself not to fall asleep unintentionally because she's as scared about the contacts as I am. But can she keep it up at college, with the late nights and the resulting constant exhaustion that so many students experience?</p>
<p>I am absolutely obsessing about this. I am not worried at all about drinking, drugs, sex, or academics, let alone eating habits and laundry. But I can't get the contact issue out of my mind.</p>
<p>I don't wear contacts but my H does, and he's fallen asleep with them in before. He can still see. It does hurt though when you do that.</p>
<p>I accidentally fall asleep in my contacts about once a week (at home). I have a friend that's left hers in for a month straight...</p>
<p>No eye damage yet. :P.</p>
<p>Marion- Ds leaves them in for days!!! regardless of me telling him to take them out. I really did obsess over this for years.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I never understood the worrying about laundry, phone calls, and eating habits. Those were the least of my worries. Mostly, I wanted my child to be happy and enthusiastic about his education and his life. That's the biggest concern I had. I could care less if his clothes are wrinkled or he eats Golden Grahams for lunch.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>My parents mostly bother me about assignments, but I just ignore them anyway LOL However like you said when they ask me about things it is mostly to make sure everything is working out and I am happy and I don't need help. They have never been the kind to be making sure that my clothes are perfect or whatever. I can't imagine. I see some people whose parents are sooo overbearing and it isn't good. People start to rebel and do all kinds of things just to prove to themselves that their parents are wrong, etc. It's counterproductive. </p>
<p>My parents don't even like to go to those "parents ask questions!" sessions because it's all sorts of craziness about stuff that people should be able to handle on their own. I was seriously on a tour where a parent questioned a current student for like five minutes about where his kid could hang their flat screen TV if they couldn't nail a hole in the wall. The student's answer was get a stand or prop it up. I feel like people should have this sort of problem solving ability and I wonder if it is really necessary to have that constant assurance of every little situation that might crop up. I know people are insecure because we have so many choices but I can't imagine living like that. It just would never occur to me to even think about such a situation until move in day, and at that point it would take me about five seconds to figure out to prop it up on something. Someone asked if their kid would be able to take a shower and it must be so hard to share. Student answer "ummmm...not really." Again that is something that is easily worked out and by 18 years old everyone knows how to take turns and not try to use the showers all exactly at 9:01 pm. </p>
<p>I am not trying to be snarky, but I wonder if it's something deeper people need reassurance about. It is scary, what with all we see about things happening to kids on campus. I guess people just want to control whatever little things they can because you can't control the bigger things. I understand the fear but at the same time we have to realize that it's not worth wasting our lives over. What I mean is, as tempting as it is to try and figure out what your kid is eating for lunch everyday, you're more likely to alienate them with extreme questioning along those lines. When my parent start getting into details I consider inconsequential, that's when I go into on line answer mode. I am willing to discuss what I'm learning with my dad if it's a topic he's interested in or tell him what the focus is/listen to suggestions. I don't like to have a conversation about what I drank with breakfast. </p>
<p>Marian: maybe she should get the contacts that are supposed to be used for an extended period of time, including sleeping. That might put your mind at ease? I am not sure what the difference is, but they are more breathable I guess. I know some people who definitely have ones like that.</p>
<p>Marian - Your post made me laugh out loud. I remember worrying about the same thing with son #1! (He never did. Or at least I never heard about it if he did. I must confess to throwing in a new contact lens case with a care package of cookies once. I could just IMAGINE what his looked like. Ick. LOL)</p>
<p>
[quote]
Students answer phone calls from their parents?
[/quote]
My oldest d quickly programmed her phone with a different ring for every family member when she went off to school. So she only answered my calls when she wanted to talk to me - which was by no means every time I called. I soon learned that it worked better to have her call me, which she did every week or so. Now that she's graduated, on her own and lives 6 hours away, she calls me every day :) ! </p>
<p>
[quote]
I'm worried that she will fall asleep without taking out her contact lenses and will thereby damage her eyes.
[/quote]
Marian, I shared that very fear - and I'm sorry to say that both my older kids did indeed fall asleep with their lenses in many times while they were in college. I argued, pleaded, sent links to articles about proper contact care, but to little avail. Thankfully, there have been no problems so far (<em>knocks wood vigorously</em>). I realized that there was nothing I could do from 600 and 900 miles away, so I pushed it to the back of my mind with the realization that if there are complications, I did my best to warn them. I recommend a little occasional nagging during first semester, then letting it go. :)</p>
<p>My friends and I discussed the reason why our kids would call us between classes. We decided the students thought that they were being good by touching base and then if the parents had any uncomfortable questions, the kids could use the "I'm already at my class, gotta go!" line to avoid an answer.</p>
<p>I too liked to avoid the parents Q&A, particularly since D was the 4th one to go, but we were at a parents Q&A that I could not avoid, a Mom asked how they made sure the students were in at a reasonable hour and were not out "in the town" and unaccounted for. Tank coming :)</p>
<p>Marian, many types of soft contacts allow for overnights now. My eye doctor asked me whether I slept in mine, and I didn't even know you were allowed to! If you and your daughter are nervous about this, it's easy to ask the eye doctor for a type of contact lens that can be ocassionally left in. If she may be the party type, she may find herself spending the night in a friend's room or somewhere else not in her dorm where she won't have her lens case. I keep a spare one filled with solution in my bag/purse in case I don't make it back to my room at night because I don't like sleeping in mine.</p>
<p>I usually jsut carry around my contact lens´case in my back pocket. Its way too small to bother me, and its great to have it in case you need to take them off.</p>
<p>Each to his own. I think it's great that our generation of children are as close with their parents as they are. They"ll grow up eventually and learn all the different ways to be independent in the world. It's the mental health that is the most important and if adult children are connected interdependently with their parents, that's a good thing in my book. So what, if a parent worries about what their child eats or where they sleep - old habits die hard and by the time those children are seniors most parents won't be worrying about that - they'll be on to new things, like health insurance.</p>
<p>How could someone name their child Candy Cain?</p>
<p>I'm absolutely pathological in my worry about ZG. I can't stand to even have her out of my line of sight. Which, of course, she knows very well, and knows that it comes from her wandering off and getting lost in a forest on a class trip in kindergarten. We've worked out a way of dealing with this by having me bite my tongue often and having ZG be among the most competent, sensible people I've ever met. She is also, thankfully, compassionate and takes no offense at calling to check in more often than her friends. She also has a great sense of humor about it -- she'll call me from the beach and say "Mom, I'm in the sun with no sunblock (not really) and there's nothing you can do about it!" Which allows me to be comfortable in letting her pretty much do her thing because I know I'll hear from her pretty often. The goal for move-in day is to stay calm (me) until I get back in the car, then I'm allowed to have hysterics. We have agreed that she will spend orientation weekend totally immersing herself in the college experience (they have the whole weekend scheduled) and that she will call me after her first day of classes and then at her discretion thereafter. I AM going to live through this.</p>
<p>Dear Posters,</p>
<p>We are all adults. Probably most of us went to college, and all of us have lived through our teen years, and twenties. Did you never stray from the garden path in school? Did you never do things you might not want to sit down and discuss with your parents? Did your parents know where you were and what you were doing at all times of the day and night? </p>
<p>My question is this: did we not all live through our adolescent years and emerge as competent, caring adults who frequent message boards? Where does all this fear for our children doing the same come from?</p>