Venting, as I try not to helicopter; kid dealing with a sticky situation

College Majors Music Major
1

<p>If only college was the end of the story! So. Son's a singer, working with a wonderful teacher at a state university far, far from home. Barrier exams today. Two weeks ago, his teacher told him that one of the teachers who'll be judging him, actively dislikes him and finds him "arrogant". This floored son, who to the best of his knowledge has never actually exchanged more than "hello" with the woman in question, has never been taught by her or worked with her at all. None of this apparently stops her from spreading her opinion of son around, since HIS teacher had heard about it. Backstory is son has a hard time singing for this group of adjudicators - FIRST situation in which he's ever had that difficulty, but there it is. Did not do well on previous exam and is dead certain he'll perform badly in this one, which with that attitude, he well may. </p>

<p>I know that there's not a darn thing I can do about this, except vent. He considered seeking her out to try and make peace, but didn't know where to start or how, since he doesn't know how he offended her to begin with. Ugh.</p>

2

<p>As a performing artist, peoples preconceived notions are just one of those things that you need to come to terms with. An attitude that one person perceives to be self-assuredness , another might perceive to be arrogance. You can’t make everyone like you. And the world of voice is a very small world. It gets smaller and smaller as you move through the ranks. He will inevitably encounter adjudicators who love him and those who hate him. He just needs to continue to be polite, personable and sing really really really well. If he is not arrogant and sings really well, chances are that this woman will come to find out that she was wrong.</p>

<p>I know that this seems overly simplistic…but as parents it’s the simple things that we have no control over that distress us the most. This too shall pass.</p>

3

<p>That’s what I needed to hear, Musica. Bless your good sense!</p>

4

<p>My son received some really nasty comments on his judging sheet at Classical Singer last year (as a 16 year old). I was really upset. But he was able to just shrug it off and say “Guess I wasn’t their cup of tea.” I’m glad he’s got that attitude now because he will really need it in this business. Fortunately, his voice teacher is still performing and competing and has also received mixed reviews so they can commiserate together! My D is an actress and has had to put up with casting directors telling her she needs a nose job! or that she’s a little too “ethnic” - which is funny because her ancestors got off the Mayflower! At least we parents can vent to one another!</p>

5

<p>I’m not so concerned about his being liked as I am about his barrier exam being torpedoed, because that does have consequences. We’ll see.</p>

6

<p>Nothing you or he can really do at this point. Just keep a positive attitude. I’m sure he will do his best.</p>

7

<p>Sometimes when you try and fix things you make them worse. I agree with musicamusica - sing his heart out and be humble and let her think what she wants. Nothing is better than being prepared - as long as he has his pieces down backwards and forwards, his good training and hardwork should overcome his anxiety and his performance will be excellent and there will be no question that he should pass through. Have him pretend he is singing only for his teacher. Best of luck for his continued success.</p>

8

<p>If you are any good at what you do in the arts, some people are going to love you and some people are going to hate you and that’s OK. What is worse is to offend or excite no one. I’ve known more than one singer that was perceived as arrogant or aloof when in fact they were just painfully shy. Who can figure? I would just be nice to everyone and be amazing when you open your mouth.</p>

9

<p>I know only too well what you are going through, as others have written, it is part of the music process. Despite claims of collegiality, there often can be tensions between teachers and their studios, I have heard, for example, some stories from people who went through Juilliard after Galamian and Delay had their falling out, and how both of them would use the jury process to get back at each other by ripping each others students. I experienced this in one of the competitions my S did several years ago, where on a 3 judge panel 2 loved him, praised him, and one wrote things that his own teacher didn’t believe (and believe me,his teacher is not the warm and cuddly type, if it was things she knows he routinely did wrong, she would agree with the commenter). Best we can figure out, the judge had a chip on their shoulder 3 miles wide because she saw the program my son was in and decided he must be one of those arrogant you know what’s or something, because the comments didn’t fit the weaknesses he knew he had …and yeah,. I was angry. </p>

<p>Unfortunately, that is the nature of the beast, music teachers often have egos the size of mount everest, justified or not, and they will have perceptions of kids you wonder where it came from, and generally there is very little to check this kind of thing. </p>

<p>I don’t think your S talking to the teacher would do much, and if this teacher told his teacher she thought he was arrogant, his own teacher should be dealing with that with her, managing those perceptions, or if he feels that her bias hurts him on his juries or whatever they call it, his teacher should be advocating for him. </p>

<p>Most importantly, he has to realize there will be people like this, critics, even morons on the street, who won’t like him. George Bernard Shaw used to rip performances of Brahm’s music (Tchaikovsky called him an untalented SOB), another famous viennese critic of the day called Tchaikovsky “fast, stupid Russian music” and called his Violin concerto something a 5 year old could write better (prob a Brahm’s partisan), and critics called Bizet’s Carmen the french word for crap…(the impolite term I cannot use on here), and people hate Rite of Spring so much they rioted <em>shrug</em>. He has to just go in and give his best performance, and if woman with the attitude doesn’t like him, so be it, and if her rating severely impacts him, then talk to his teacher and file a complaint.</p>

10

<p>The hard part is seeing it impact on his nerves; the certainty that at least one of his adjudicators is looking at him as a jerk, and that along with singing very challenging music he has somehow to overcome her dislike and win her over, which he’s already given up on and who can blame him? I frankly question the judgement of his own teacher in this instance, for telling him this ahead of the exams. What purpose could it serve, other than to exacerbate his nerves? Afterwards, maybe, but before? It’s not gonna make him sing better.</p>

11

<p>Maybe you can suggest he use some of the public speaking tricks to calm butterflies. Think of her in her underwear? Just kidding. Focus on the other adjudicators. Sing to an imaginary audience. Visualize himself doing all of these things well ahead of time. </p>

<p>He should make sure he is practicing effectively and has his music down cold, understands it’s background and translations, be uber prepared. Excellence is the best revenge. And no, do not talk to the that teacher. It will do no good and may do harm.</p>

12

<p>I’m of the mind that the teacher needs to be honest and your son should appreciate that. Your S needs to know where he stands. For some reason he is coming across as arrogant to this particular woman…(It does not mean that he is arrogant ) It may be just something your S has to work on, especially if another teacher has mentioned it to his teacher. One of those cases where perception is everything. Lot’s of (really good) singers project this. After all it takes a certain amount of security and bravado to pull the whole thing off and sometimes this seems like arrogance. I do not know if you are familiar with the term “sprezzatura”. It’s an untranslatable Italian word coined by Baldassare Castiglione in the 16th century to convey a certain self assured ease and nonchalance. A combination of security and style, with just a bit of humility thrown in. Placido Domingo has it in spades and it’s something every singer needs to learn. And learn it he can.
He can win her over by singing well. No one is going to tank him if he performs well. Tell him that her attitude is a wall of ice and his rich voice is the sun. Sing beautifully and melt her.</p>

<p>Singersmom07 is correct:
Singing well is the best revenge.</p>

13

<p>Remind him to use body language to his advantage: [Amy</a> Cuddy: Your body language shapes who you are | Video on TED.com](<a href=“http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are.html]Amy”>http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are.html). It might not help, but it probably can’t hurt!</p>

14

<p>Hopefully, all will go well with your son’s exam and that there are 3 or more judges on the panel. As he goes forward, your son will find that different teachers/listeners will hone in on different things. He just needs to convince the majority of the panel that he has mastered this level. As others have pointed out, it is not unusual to have different panelists react with wildly differing opinions while listening to the same piece. At son’s level last year, he played a piece exactly the way the studio teacher wanted it and the studio teacher gave him rave reviews but another studio teacher hated it and suggested that he got it all wrong… Son also had this happen at a summer workshop. Tell your son to do his best and if you are religious that you’ll be praying for him. (The praying part always makes me feel better and less helpless.)</p>

15

<p>Barrier exams are a difficult experience, but they serve a very valuable purpose, especially for the student. They seem like an obstacle course, but they are more than that. They are a time for assessment and a reality check. No matter the talent, intelligence, and the drive of the student, some do not progress appropriately. It happens. It is far better to have this decided after two years of college than after four. </p>

<p>I hope your son will have had a positive experience from this, however it goes. He will know more about the world, others, himself, and reality. Best wishes to him and to you. It is so difficult to witness their struggles. I don’t know that it is any easier or harder to know or not know all that much about the field and the process, how things work, because your perspective is about your son and his well-being. As long as he knows he has your support, he will be fine. </p>

<p>Lorelei</p>

16

<p>I have a question about his teacher revealing this information. What good did it do for his teacher to tell him that one of the adjudicators dislikes him? There was nothing he could do about it at that point. </p>

<p>I hope things went well for him.</p>

17

<p>I have to agree with cartera45. Telling the student that another teacher dislikes him can only undermine his confidence.</p>

18

<p>What is a “barrier exam?” Is this only for voice students?</p>

19

<p>A barrier exam is one that the student has to pass in order to advance or stay in the school. At son’s school, it is called a level. Everyone in the school of music has to pass the level A playing exam. They get 2 chances and it needs to be completed by the end of sophomore year. If the student fails twice then they are no longer a student at the school. In addition, son’s school also does a sophomore evaluation for music ed majors which evaluates whether or not the student is someone that the faculty would recommend to be a teacher from their school. Besides having to complete the level A playing exam and having a B average and passing all the requirements to date, it is subjective and a student may not be recommended if the faculty does not vote for you. Some schools have them these types of barriers and some do not. It is good to know what each schools policy is before entering. In son’s studio, the teacher actually told 2 students at the end of freshman year that they were not on track to pass their level A and they either needed to work very hard or pursue another major. One stayed and ultimately dropped out and the other transferred out for the fall.</p>

20

<p>To me the teacher telling your son about the arrogant comment, was to have him be aware of the impression some people are getting. My husband has had that comment at work because he was so quiet.</p>

<p>What LA Spotlight taught us was to enter the room with a smile stating “good morning” as you scan your eyes with the judges eyes. Then, and only then, do you change to look just above their heads as if to look at someone in seats beyond them when you perform. If you look at the ceiling or the floor you are projecting a feeling you don’t want. </p>

<p>If you son has barely said Hello to the teacher, there in might be the problem. If he sees her he needs to give her eye contact and not break it while saying hello. Yes, it is borderline flirting, but that will change the perception!</p>

<p>Yes some teachers don’t work on stage presence, when it can be critical.</p>