Competitions are hard on this momma's heart

College Majors Music Major
1

<p>OK, I may not be cut out to be the mother of a competition participant. How many baffling and sad days do you have to go through before it becomes no big deal? How do you reconcile the emotion of "the judges must be idiots" with the knowledge that they are university professors brought in because they are good at this?</p>

<p>And on a more technical note, if a singer is supposed to arrive with three songs... the first one sung is the singer's choice, the second is the judges' choice, and the third will be performed if you make it to the finals.... ... should you "save your best for the finals" or "lead with your strongest" ????</p>

<p>He saved his best (Bring Him Home in A Major that I found with CC's help) for the final round... but didn't make it to the final round.</p>

<p>I realize that this could end up being a good wake-up call to help him avoid complacency in the upcoming college audition/scholarship process. But there is no good way to make that point today. </p>

<p>Previously, every show he's been in and every song he's sung have been widely praised. People still stop me at the grocery store to mention Les Mis.</p>

<p>How long does it take to grow thick calluses on a parent's skin?</p>

2

<p>Oh Mary…I don’t think this ever ends. Musicians have to audition all the time…it’s like an endless competition (unless they land the perfect job the first time out of the gate). I finally got to the point where I didn’t even want to know when my son’s auditions were taking place because I worried too much. It was better for me to hear about them after the fact. Even now…I worry…and he has a job. So there you go.</p>

<p>Most of the music parents on this forum understand how you feel. Feel free to come here for a virtual hug. Believe me, we all need them every so often!!</p>

3

<p>Thick skin - probably never. {{{hugs}}}} You always feel for them. However, do note that competitions are not the same as auditions. Lack of success in competitions does not mean that they will have poor school auditions, or even show auditions. They are looking for different things. DD did not do well in competitions but was very successful with school auditions, acceptances with merit money. </p>

<p>Just listened to DD gripe about not getting a role. But her voice teacher and coach love what she is doing. It is hard for her to live with the different maturity pace of a mezzo vs sopranos. My skin is thin and I feel awful for her even after several years. . But I shut up and listen and maybe ask what she wants/plans to do about it. Hardest role they ever invented.</p>

4

<p>“I realize that this could end up being a good wake-up call to help him avoid complacency in the upcoming college audition/scholarship process.”</p>

<pre><code> THAT IS the upside of competition for the young artist. If he has comments and notes from the judges, he can now work,work,work with his teacher. We have all been there and it is never easy. Singing well is the best revenge.
</code></pre>

<p>ps: I am always reminding D of an eighteen year old Cecilia Bartoli who lost a talent competition in Rome to a guy who spun plates on sticks.</p>

5

<p>Mary, none of us like to see our kids hurting, so thumper is right, stop by for a hug any time. As for vocal competitions, honestly, at this point in time, they are no idicator of his success in college auditions. A couple of years ago, there was a girl around here who won everything- it didn’t matter what anyone else did, the girl was “golden” and never lost. Based upon all of her local praise and success, she applied at a large number of schools and wasn’t accepted by any of them. She was a year or two older, yes, but she beat out the same two girls each and every time- and those girls are now at CIM (my D) and Shepherd (the other young lady). You and your son need to understand that judging/grading performance is subjective- for something more definitive, try swimming! You just never know what they are looking for and again, sometimes, especially at local levels, there are a lot of other factors which can influence the adjudicators.Will someone from Texas please jump in and help me out, but didn’t they (maybe still do) used to have competitors for All-State sing from behind a drape or something so that their “identity” was hidden?
I am guessing from his choice of music that your son may be looking into an MT major. If so, take a look in that forum as they have some great info and some folks who are very “in the know” when it comes to college auditions. " Bring Him Home" from Les Mis is perfectly acceptable (if he “owns” it, and it sounds like he does!) in an MT competition, but should never be sung if he’s competing on the " classical " side. He should also rely upon his voice teacher, as it is usual to have the decision of “what to sing and when to sing it” be left in their hands. He/she knows your son’s voice, nerves, stamina what pieces show his voice to it’s best and it is vital to get that input and to have him put his faith and trust in his teacher’s hands. Frankly, I can’t understand why your son was left in the position of having to rank his selections- that is something that should have been worked out with his voice teacher months ago, and they should have been practiced in the order that they were to be sung. No kid should be left with that kind of responsibility,that’s part of what the teacher does.
One last thing- and I am not intending to be mean, it’s just something that all our kids have had to face- they may have been the best in their class, their group, their school, the locality, but when it comes time for college auditions, most of those kids fit that description in their own towns. He’ll be competing for something, one way or another, from now on, and he’ll be on his own once he goes to college. Talk with your S and find out exactly what his goals are and get him working on a list of prospective colleges (if he’s a senior, you should have been at this months ago, but you still have time, if you get going). Have him go over everything with his voice teacher, get his audition rep set in stone and prepare for the pre-screening CDs/DVDs. Then,I would suggest that you sit down with his voice teacher also-perhaps meet for breakfast or coffee, since taking it out of the studio can create a more relaxed atmosphere- and map out a plan for auditions. Which schools does the teacher think would be a good fit? Which are a reach, which are realistic, a safety? Take a deep breath, give yourself a break and know that you are a good mom and it’s natural to feel the way you do. I’m stll fuming over a bad call in a soccer game this week, but, oh,that’s another story!
PS- as far as “competitions” go, take a look at how many times some of the entrants for the Met Council auditions have a go! Some have tried three times before they made it out of the local regions.I know that Renee Fleming’s accompanist was laughing on stage during her first go, she was that bad! And the rest, as they say, is history!</p>

6

<p>Been there done that. Some judges are crazy. Some just have a very different set of standards than others of what is important and what is good.</p>

<p>Very fine line these kids have to walk between the judge is crazy, I could have prepared better and will next time as you mentioned as a wake up, and as Mezzo’sMom said that sometimes they have to understand that there are ton of very talented kids out there and maybe they are jumping into a lake or ocean and the big fish they were in that pond, is not so big next to the whales. That is the toughest one. Toughest to live with, toughest to know if there is anything they can do about it.</p>

<p>But the pain, aggrevation, annoyance is something that comes with the territory. For all the joy we get listening to them and happiness we have for them when they accomplish their goals, we bleed at every setback.</p>

7

<p>Agree with the others. There sometimes seems to be neither rhyme nor reason to competition results. Judging is so subjective that sometimes you just aren’t what a particular judge wants to hear and sometimes you are. If a competitor feels that he or she didn’t prepare long enough or well enough, then that is different, but most people know whether that is the case or whether it just feels arbitrary. Hopefully, a lot was learned about the rep and what works and what doesn’t. Sometimes you can’t help questioning the time put into a competition if the results aren’t good since kids work on rep for major competitions for the better part of a year. If nothing else, it is good training for auditions since so much time is needed to prepare for them. I assume he can use or is using some of the same rep - the classical pieces that is - for auditions? That is, if he is a senior.</p>

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<p>Thanks to everybody. :slight_smile: I have never posted anything like this before but somehow I knew you would understand.</p>

<p>To answer some of your questions/comments.</p>

<p>– In TN, they do sing behind a sheet during the first round of mid-state/all-state. There is a lot of vocal talent in TN. People may make fun of country music but Nashville has much more than that and the folks here are raising musically talented kids.</p>

<p>– Most of the singers in today’s competition had two classical and one Broadway listed in the program. S’s voice teacher is a lovely and supportive woman who has taught some amazing kids over the years but I don’t think she is a “do this/don’t do that” teacher.</p>

<p>– S is a senior and wants to do Music Education. He thinks he can be a great HS choral director. :smiley: He takes dance lessons but does not want to consider a Musical Theater major. I didn’t like one of his three songs today but I also would have judged the finals very differently so I assumed it was my lack of understanding.</p>

<p>– It is interesting that you all say competitions and college auditions may look for different things. </p>

<p>– Soccer … I remember vividly the first time D1 (now 20 and off the soccer field for 5 years) was shoved to the ground from behind by an opposing player… in first grade. I stood up and shouted, “Hey” but the refs didn’t see it and no one was listening. When S played big boy soccer in middle school, I could not stand to watch the body bumping/collisions. I had the memory of the day D1 had two front teeth knocked out in 8th grade!</p>

<p>– Thanks again.</p>

9

<p>MaryTN - welcome to the roller coaster. Isn’t it so gratifying when people praise your kid? Congratulations to him for getting as far as he did!</p>

<p>I’m going to go a bit against the grain and say it DOES get easier. There comes a time when I just have to either calm down or die young. My S is in his last year of masters (and I came to CC when he was a HS senior on his way to auditions - so I’ve been here wayyyyy too long) and I’ve learned to cope a bit. I didn’t say it is easy, but at least I am not a basket case. S has been a semi-finalist (roughly in the top 10 or so) for the past 5 auditions he’s taken - and those include Philly, NY Phil, Met, etc. I am thrilled for this encouragement that he’s in the right field, but it is tempered with the anxiety that comes from being the mother of an unemployed adult! :)</p>

<p>Generally, there are lows that are frustrating and disappointing, and cause doubt. And there are highs that are gratifying and fulfilling and make it all worthwhile - when someone else finally acknowledges what you’ve known all along! </p>

<p>We’ve gotten into a rhythm of our own - what works for us. My job has evolved into being “support staff.” You’ll get there, too. You wil be old and gray (or bald) before your time, but in the end, if you hang in there, perhaps you’ll get a few comp tickets.</p>

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<p>Yep, I’m with binx. </p>

<p>Our experience is that college auditions, competitions, festivals, and now pro auditions is that we were always more anxious than he. </p>

<p>And we’ve gotten better. Sometimes there is a feeling of bias, or “what were they thinking”, but he’s quite willing to acknowledge a greater talent, an errant passage, or whim of the gods in the decision process. </p>

<p>Rolling with the punches is part of the learning curve, often more so for the 'rents than the candidate.</p>

11

<p>Mary,</p>

<p>If you go to the New Forum For Classical Singers and look for an entry by a guy who uses the name TS, he’s easy to find he posts a lot. He is a singer and a teacher and he has a blog. He puts a link to his blog at the end of each of his post. On his blog a post or two ago he has a whole thing about competitions and the order to sing what songs and some other very helpful information. He writes it as he is sitting there watching one of his students in a competition. I have booked marked it to pass along to my son before he enters the next competition. I really don’t even want to know when he’s auditioning or competing for anything until it’s over. I can’t stand sitting at home and waiting to hear. But rarely do I get to be in blissful ignorance!</p>

12

<p>“Rolling with the punches is part of the learning curve”</p>

<p>^a good idea to have this needlepointed and placed above the piano…and when your hair goes gray, as mine has, do not dye it.You have earned every white hair.</p>

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<p>I’m not sure what type of competition your boy is entering, but a fairly valid generalization that I’ve heard is that competitions are generally looking for a more finished product while school auditions are looking for a voice they can work with.</p>

<p>I also didn’t catch what year he is but, especially if he’s a junior or even a sophomore this year, I’d strongly recommend the Classical Singer Magazine High School Competition (see:[Classical</a> Singer Community](<a href=“http://www.classicalsinger.com/convention/hscomp/]Classical”>http://www.classicalsinger.com/convention/hscomp/)) as a warm-up for college auditions and go into it with that as your goal since the atmosphere there is very much what you will find when you hit the college circuit. We approached it that way and, while my D didn’t make the semi-finals, the experience was pure gold when it came to the auditions that really mattered. </p>

<p>For that contest, at least, I agree with those who think you might want to think hard about using something from Les Miz. While it’s pretty easy to make the case that the only reason that show isn’t an opera is marketing, it’s still perceived as a musical and he might be better served coming in with Italian, German, and English art songs.</p>

14

<p>Mary,</p>

<p>Much sympathy - and empathy - from an instrumentalist! Sometimes results are obvious - but frequently not - and it can be painful.</p>

<p>Just a couple quick additions on the general topic that haven’t been addressed in the wonderful posts above.</p>

<p>1) Auditions (vs prescribed competition order) - Double check for vocalists (don’t know the protocols) but for instrumentalists -when given the chance to choose what to begin with - begin with the STRONGEST work. The panel will not always hear every work prepared and they are likely to listen longest to the 1st selection of the auditioner’s choosing. So choose to show yourself off well. Students should carefully consider their audition order - it’s important psychologically for the student to begin well and confidently. The order can influence how the faculty hears things - a strong 1st piece will set the student up favorably. Don’t try the strategy of “getting this one out of the way early”!</p>

<p>2) Auditions are definitely different than competitions. Competitions represent a finished product, one point in time, one performance. Auditions evaluations will go beyond that - evaluation of the accomplishment to date - does performance indicate solid training, good technique, fine musical sensibilities, etc and is there a promise for more? Does the student present something that a teacher wants to work with (not just evaluate?). **cross-posted - Thanks Don!</p>

<p>3) In my observation, at the college level, summer festival audition results are sometimes very “interesting”. For those rejected, it may well be best not to take personal offense at the invitations others receive. Not the OP’s original concern now, but may be in the future! </p>

<p>4) I noticed, like others, less pain as the kids get older. I think it comes from the over-all letting go process. Being there for a young professional is different from being a parent to a high school musician which is still a bit different from supporting college-age off-spring. I think that’s positive - we trust them enough to let go!</p>

<p>5) Competitions in general. Look at them as learning opportunities - getting a work up to the next level, practice before an audience, a chance to try new relaxation techniques, etc. Some fine teachers don’t have students do competitions at all - others have students in everything that comes along. Many different approaches - make it work for you!</p>

<p>Best wishes for everything else coming along.</p>

15

<p>Begin any audition with the piece which works best for you right from the start. For a singer, if nerves are a factor until settled into the piece, start either high or low and with a piece that moves a bit more. Sustained, middle voice lines can be harder to present and control until the breath and nerves settle. No matter how much you love the piece, do not pick anything for your auditions which reveals your inadequacies…they might suspect you do not have a certain high note, but they will not know. Experienced judges have a good idea how they will react within the first minute or so, if not sooner. and it is what it is…there are those intangibles which are not easily discerned by parents and friends. So, you might as well enjoy the performance, pick something you love and do well. Good luck.</p>

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<p>Maybe just a little lighter take on this thread’s title.</p>

<p>When I first saw the thread, I thought maybe you were going to write about experiencing dangerous heart palpitations when your child was performing! </p>

<p>The thought didn’t strike me as implausible. Several parents I’ve known have been unable to listen to their kid’s performances due to the PARENT’S severe performance anxiety. Always waited outside the room till their kid was done. Kudos for being “in there” with your Son!</p>

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<p>fiddlestix, LOL!</p>

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<p>Nothing substantive to add, but lots of hugs and good thoughts … it’s HARD being the parent of a performer! As hard as it is to understand the judges’ decision when your kid loses, sometimes it’s just as hard to figure it out when your kid wins! (although much more pleasant) </p>

<p>Here’s to non-devasting losses and heart-warming wins to all of our kids.</p>

19

<p>Thank you all once again for your support and advice. I will pass along the ideas… when S is a little less sensitive. :D</p>

20

<p>Binx, you have NOT been here way too long- what would we do without your wisdom and sense of humor?!
Mary,you’ll get all kinds of support from this place. I know that they made it so much easier for those of us who had kids wading into the audition process last winter and it was a place to blow off steam, cry, rant and share joy. Stick around, you’ll have a great time. Besides, we’re all nosy and now we want to vicariously follow YOUR son’s journey!
As far as competitions/ auditions, I really urge you (and this came to me after reading your response post) to go with your son to talk to his voice teacher. I honestly believe that I am steering you in the right direction by saying that his teacher MUST get more involved with this whole process. Your S is a student, still learning, which means he DOESN’T know the ropes. It’s not a matter of “do this/don’t do that”,
that’s part of being a teacher of this level of student. Please, for your son’s sake, go with him and meet with the teacher and go over these things. She SHOULD be directing him and helping him get ready for college auditions and, if needed, the pre-screening materials. His audition rep should be set in stone now, and that includes the order in which they will be presented to the panels. Have him look at the requirements for the auditions at his chosen schools and he and his teacher should select pieces from material he is already comfortable with and which shows him at his best. The web sites are very clear as to what each school wants- even make a spread sheet if you want, and take that along to his teacher, it might help all of you work on this together.
Most of the time, the panels at colleges will be familiar with what he is singing (I now say MOST of the time, because my D actually ended up singing a piece during an audition at a very well known school, and the head of the department actually told her that she had never heard of the piece before!), so they will be listening to what he brings to the selection. I’ve never talked to anyone who didn’t get to sing all of each piece that they have prepared, so Lorelei’s advice is great.
I’m kind of amazed by the thought of a competition which calls for both classical and MT pieces. With the emphasis on belting in MT today, the difference in the techniques required for each is even more glaring.The selection from Les Mis isn’t all that different, but can you imagine, there must have been at least one girl singing Voi che sapete and Defying Gravity!! The mere thought of that will give me nightmares tonight!
Re. Soccer- no teeth missing, thankfully, but youngest S took a terrible hit last week and sustained a concussion. He’s tall, but the other boy outweighed him by at least 50 pounds and he knocked my S down, hard. Then, because the larger boy got handed a yellow card and was ejected from the game, his team mate drew a bead on my boy and kicked a ball right at him. Of course, S misjudged it, thinking he could settle it down with his chest- wrong, it hit him right smack in the face. It was so hard to stay glued to that folding chair on the side lines when I wanted to rush across the field!</p>