Very concerned about daughter...

<p>On the other freshman daughter thread, I told the story of my D's experience, who ended up transfering from a school somewhat similar to UVA to a LAC where she felt very much at home. To summarize, she had the insensitive roommate issue, plus the antipathy to the frat/paarty/drinking atmosphere. On the other hand, UVA is a great school, and your daughter might be able to fix her issues without transfering--the suggestions to get involved with the Muslim group, and to request a room change, I think are key. Maybe she can also find a group of people in her major or other interest she has--I imagine that though finding good Muslim friends is important, finding diverse but otherwise likeminded friends would also be important to her positive college experience.</p>

<p>thanks everyone for your advice! I will definitely pass it on! I do not think it is depression but she just seems stressed to the ultimate level. I have seen her stressed before but not this badly... she came back from UVA with bags as big as who knows what under her eyes and with such a pale face (i think from the lack of sleeping). the roommate is definitely a big issue, and the funny thing is that this girl was one of her friends from high school... as if she didn't already know who my daughter was! and I told her about the MSA and she said she would try to join so hopefully that will help a little. I hate that her diabetes is being made fun of! The poor thing has had it since she was one and her roommate who is perfectly fine did not even offer to help walk with her to get something sweet from the snack machine 3 floors down (in case my daughter would fall because that's what happens to hypoglycemics)... she just simply said no I don't feel like getting up!!! WHAT??? oh well... any more advice?</p>

<p>Great advice here. I would add two things, one I would push her to change roommates, not just suggest - it is hard for kids who are shy or different to put themselves forward and demand something like a change - I was that way as a young adult, and I was a part of the dominant culture. The reason in my mind for parental "interference" is that this is effecting her health. E-mail the RA, or call the Housing Office and speak to a counselor, if you explain the situation to them, expressingthat you are not trying to live her life, but are concerned for her health, I think they would be helpful.</p>

<p>Secondly, have her visit her local doctor who cares for her diabetes, particularly if she is an insulin dependent diabetic. It is hard to sort out without seeing and speaking to her how much of her problems are due adjustment issue with the social situation, how much is from being overwhelmed with schoolwork, how much is depression and how much is physical problems with diabetes. Low sugar spells are a warning sign, she needs to be evaluated by her MD. I would also call him/her and tell a little of the background with the roommate and schoolwork. It will warn them to ask more questions than
"How's college?" Answer, "OK, fine."</p>

<p>I agree with Cangel about seeing an MD. My son has insulin dependent diabetes and stress can cause blood sugar levels to fluctuate. Just being in a new livng situation with different eating habits can throw your sugar levels off. She may need to adjust her insulin. Low blood sugar is not unusual but too many lows is a signal that something needs to be adjusted.</p>

<p>I also agree with speaking with the RA about the roommate situation. Low blood sugar can be life threatening if ignored. Roommates have to be willing to be educated about diabetes so that they can help if a situation arises.</p>

<p>For starters, get a new room-mate! It should not be hard to do that. My S who is a sr in h.s. attends a residential school and had a nightmarish roommate his first semester who would not shower or wash his clothes. Switched roommates in January and all was well!</p>

<p>Ditto lizschup et al about the blood sugar. Its easy to forget to eat when you are studying and under stress. Definately ditch the roomie. And remember to take care of yourself, too. I'm sure this is hard on all of you.</p>

<p>'That roommate sounds creepy - laughing at your daughter when she had low blood sugar. Ugh. I'd call the school residence life and see what other room options may be available. Sometimes just a better living situation can make a huge difference."</p>

<p>Sounds like she needs a belt taen to her tail....(the roomate)</p>

<p>"Uh...no Yale...low blood sugar is a medical condition brought on through no fault of her own....and is unrelated to any cry for help. Low blood sugar can and does trigger mood swings and depression. But, the condition of having low blood sugar does not automatically signal depression. I am hypoglycemic......so I understand blood sugar issues."</p>

<p>I also thought Yale's statement was strange. I though low blood sugar went with diabetes, which I think the OP said her daughter had.</p>

<p>"Hopefully, some of the drinking and partying will calm down in the second semester. For one thing, the partiers probably did not take home 3.2 GPAs! On the other hand, partying is cultural--something your D would confront at most universities. With time and a bit of effort, she may find a niche group and a great group of friends."</p>

<p>Here's what I don't understand. Why aren't the kids who are not yet 21 getting busted for drinking?? Is alcohol even allowed on college campuses? I know that weapons are not.</p>

<p>I can't believe how awful her roommate sounds- I have two diabetic brothers (diagnosed at 6 and 12), and there's nothing less funny than a reaction. I wish I had some good advice to offer- transitioning to college is hard enough without the added complications of diabetes. I think it's a great idea for her to join the Muslim group, and also any other club that would give her a chance to meet some kids more like herself- a community service group, maybe?</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

<p>One other thing: maybe it would be a good idea to keep some snacks in her room so she wouldn't have to walk so far to get a snack when she's low? We've got food in practically every place imaginable...each of the cars, each floor of the house, etc, just in case.</p>

<p>thanks again everyone.
elizabeth22: she has snacks in her room... the problem is that her roommate (well at least my daughter says) is constantly taking them!</p>

<p>"thanks again everyone.
elizabeth22: she has snacks in her room... the problem is that her roommate (well at least my daughter says) is constantly taking them!"</p>

<p>I wonder if she can be reported for stealing....hmmm...that should straighten her up really quickly. It's funny--when I watch Maury sometimes he does shows with kids that cannot behave (stealing, doing drugs, prostituting themselves, etc.), and when Maury's friend D. West comes out to take the kids to jail they have smart mouths, but when they are actually in jail getting yelled at by prisoners, they cry for mommy. Just a thought. I wonder if she can be reported by your daughter for theft.</p>

<p>I disagree with the advice that presumes a greater value in 'suffering through.' Since I am from a neighboring state, I know several young adults who have attended UVA and parents who have students currently attending UVA. Its social reputation does indeed seem to be, still, somewhat flavored with southern old-boy and a relatively high % of drinking, partying types. Even if she does have some friends and connects with the Muslim Association, I am of the opinion that she should not feel as if she must swim upstream according to external dictates about how she "should" adjust, or a moral imperative that she "should" bend over backwards to cope with a situation that she finds unsatisfactory. (Shouldn't be a question of "Are you man enough, big and bad enough?")</p>

<p>College should be an adventurous, happy, launching period, both intellectually and socially. It's important to feel some degree of welcome and comfort to concentrate on your studies and nuture your psyche. If there are other schools that she researched and passed up for UVA, that might be a better fit for her as an individual (possibly WillM or MaryW, if she wants to stay in VA?), she should consider a transfer. You mentioned that her GPA has been lower - that makes me think she may not thrive in the large class lecture environment of a state U, and may benefit from a smaller school with smaller classes. Sometimes "grow where you are planted" should be supplanted with "voting with your feet." It would be supportive if you engaged her in brainstorming about various options, including a transfer, without communicating any strong preferences or negative judgement.</p>

<p>Personally, I did change schools, more than once, and it was the right decision. I would feel free to do it again, if I were in the position of a dissatisfied customer.</p>

<p>worriedUVAparent - You have received a lot of great advice and thoughts from everyone else and I have nothing to add in that regard. But I must say that the idea of a roommate taking snacks from someone who needs to have snacks available for a MEDICAL condition is horrifying and inexcusable! Your daughter should not put up with this!</p>

<p>Many colleges have dorms which are known for partying and others known for the study-oriented students. Is this the case at UVa? If your daughter would consider talking to the Dean of Students, taking a short list of her medical and social concerns, this might get a little farther than to the RA. My D had a roommate freshman year who had a difficult personality and who insisted upon typing until four a.m. every night. D got very ill the second term, I think partly because of the stress and sleep-depriviation, and I was so very grateful when she was able to change roommates and dorms the next year. Best wishes to you!</p>

<p>"worriedUVAparent - You have received a lot of great advice and thoughts from everyone else and I have nothing to add in that regard. But I must say that the idea of a roommate taking snacks from someone who needs to have snacks available for a MEDICAL condition is horrifying and inexcusable! Your daughter should not put up with this!"</p>

<p>That's why I'm wondering if the kid can be reported for stealing or theft or whatever they officially call.</p>

<p>I have a college junior son who is diabetic. I believe he has told his roommates that he is diabetic and might have low blood sugar reactions. At this point he is in charge of his diabetes care without input from me (when he was diagnosed at age 8, I was very involved). At college I know he has plenty of snacks and beverages around and they can be used for a low blood sugar. If I heard that his roommate was specifically
taking the snacks he used for a low blood sugar or refused to help in such a situation,
I would encourage him talk to the RA about the situation and see about changing to another roommate. If he refused my advice, I'd probably go over his head and contact the RA. As someone else suggested, if this failed, I'd talk to the Dean of Students. The roommate ultimately is not responsible for your daughter but her total unwillingness to help and tendency to take your D's snacks could lead to a worse medical emergency for your daughter. I think the posters here have given you good advice.</p>

<p>A few thoughts from a recent college grad:</p>

<p>*Tell her to work LESS. There is no way that she's going to work well on only a few hours of sleep per night. In college, you learn that you can't get everything done the way you want it done, and you learn what is important to do and what is not important. Solid grades across all classes (B+ and A- range) will give her a very strong GPA.</p>

<p>*Tell her to not be afraid to take easy/survey courses next semester; it will help her get a really solid foundation and help her confidence. </p>

<p>*If it is at all possible, she should move to a substance free floor. They don't allow drinking, smoking, or drugs; at my alma mater, they didn't even allow you to be drunk on the floor. The people there are less interested in partying and more interested in doing other things for fun. Charlottesville is a lovely town with a lot to do besides drinking. It's just a matter of finding like-minded friends.</p>

<p>*I like the idea of MSA. Also, some other activities might be good - intramural sports or the like if she is interested in that. Athletics will help her mood (natural high) and she'll meet more people. </p>

<p>*I had some trouble freshman year - just shyness - and my aunt gave me great advice. She said that I shouldn't give up on meeting good friends until I had met all 5,000 people who went to the school. Tell your daughter the same - because it's true. She'll eventually meet people that she really likes; it's a matter of luck to have them on your hall freshman year.</p>

<p>*Re: low blood sugar. As a hypoglycemic, I can really sympathize with how she felt then (I've had people really do some mean things)... transfer rooms! There is no need to live in such an environment.</p>

<p>*Also, if she doesn't have one, get a refrigerator for her and make sure that she can keep food in it. No need to add low blood sugar on to her stress.</p>

<p>*A visit with her advisor or a counselor could be helpful. Many people have a rough time first semester, but it does get better. </p>

<p>*Finally, transferring: if she were to transfer, I would suggest a smaller school with less of a reputation for partying. Generally, the more frats/sororities there are, the more partying will happen.</p>

<p>bluealien01, what you have is different. This student is diabetic, meaning she takes insulin. Taking too much can lower blood sugar, often dangerously.</p>

<p>Your form of hypoglycemia is usually caused by thinking too much about food. How's the Atkins diet working for you.</p>

<p>I don't have diabetes.What are you talking about?? Maybe you are reading the post incorrectly. What Atkins diet??</p>