<p>Just posted on a very similar forum so please be assured you are not alone in this situation. My own D's first complaint was how hard college was compared to hs. Your first semester will probably be one of the hardest as you didn't know which classes to take & who to take them from on top of all of the social adjustments you are going through. Older students can be wonderful resources for classes that might just be the trigger you need to feel more into your school. Remember, you have only been there a few months. Another suggestion - don't wait to be asked to join a function. Find out something that might interest you (a play, movie, sport, outdoor hike, etc) and ask others to join you. You might be surprised to find how many others are in the same boat as you.</p>
<p>Along with all the other good advice here, reread "just"aMom's post #15. Do you like your classes? They are the main reason you chose this college, the other aspects can be worked on if the academics work.</p>
<p>i'm not really enjoying my classes, but i hope that will change next semester.</p>
<p>i know this is sort of hypocritical, as i am having a hard time adjusting to school, but what is sort of getting me down is my friends. of the 8 girls i hang out with reglularly, 3 of them are consistently sad. they are always having bad days or feeling mopey. on eof them is even severely depressed. being around all this unhappiness makes me unhappy. and i know that people say i should ust go hang out with new people, but it isnt that easy. these are the girls i am friends with, and others have their groups. its hard to just go out and make new friends.</p>
<p>how do i deal with this? ive never been around consistently sad people before. i feel liek they are bringing me down too.</p>
<p>Wow, jerseygirl, they can really affect your mood. I bet you're not the only one with this problem. Will all three of them be continuing next semester? Any chance they will seek help? And -- the other five girls you hang with -- I assume they're positive. Do they have any remedies? As you go into second semester you'll be making a choice for next year's housing, assuming you have thoughts of staying. I'd certainly recommend getting away from depressed people as house/room mates. I'll be interested in what others, perhaps mental health professionals, have to say about this issue.</p>
<p>Jerseygirl, what about the other girls in your group? I'd say to try and spend less time with the girls that are depressed and more time with the other girls. As I'm sure you already know, hanging out with kids who are down while you are also struggling isn't helpful and will bring you down too.</p>
<p>While I understand that it feels that everyone is already in groups, you can still make an effort to spend more time with kids you meet in class or in any groups/clubs you may belong too. Try and gravitate towards people who seem upbeat and involved.<br>
It's sometimes easier to fall into just spending time with just your group of friends, but I think you might want to slowly widen your group friends and meanwhile try tolimit the time you spend with people who are always down because moods are infectious.</p>
<p>jerseygirl,
I understand that your comfort zone is the group of friends that you have and while it may seem impossible to find new ones, it's really not. to echo what sarha just said, what you need to do is to widen your group of friends. My daughter had one great group of friends her first year in college. She did everything with them and I was suprised because it was a smaller group then what she had had in HS. Something happened in her sophomore year and I started hearing less and less of the old group and she started mentioning some other kids names more often. At first it was just two girls and then it was a guy and then it was a couple of other people. </p>
<p>She ended up going on a trip to Florida with her new group of friends that year and has been very close to them ever since (she's a senior). I've heard from other parents of juniors and seniors in college that the people their kids were friends with changed after Freshman year. </p>
<p>Volunteering is also a good strategy often recommended to take the emphasis off ones self. Most colleges have some sort of community action group like habitat for humanity. Good place to meet new friends!</p>
<p>i will offer the following which is based on my personal experience in college many years ago as well as that of my d who is now a sophmore--</p>
<p>the beginning of freshman year, freshman find groups of students they become friends often fairly quickly -- often based on immediate common interests -- eveyone is in the same boat and looking for a group to be part of. these early freshman year friends may OR may not end up being the college friends that get you thru your 4 years and you keep in touch with for years later. it is not at all uncommon that once students are there for a while and getting more involved in the school, that these early friendships give way to other friendships that are based on more evolving interests.</p>
<p>for example -- early freshman year it may be easy to keep with the kids on your dorm floor, or easy to stay with a group that may be going thru the same problems you are. as you get involved in other areas, you meet more people with common interests and widen your group of friends. the original friends may or may not remain important -- ONLY TIME WILL TELL.</p>
<p>I won't pretend to be able to give you advise about your specific group of friends. just remember -- it can take time to form the type of supportive network you may have had in HS. It is easy to assume that everyone else has found their group of lifelong friends and that you are too late -- its NOT the case -- just like you, other freshman may be clinging to the early friendships they've made, but that doesn't mean that groups have somehow been finalized for the next four years.</p>
<p>good luck -- keep up with the counseling.</p>
<p>So true, bizymom. I've seen that with both my my college kids.</p>
<p>jerseygirl im a freshman now and i feel much the same as you. i have no intentions of leaving in the middle of the year, but i think i am going to transfer after the year..since this is not where I wanted to be anyway and it has proven true. i had such great friends from high school and now in college i cant say ive made any real friends. im not a partier and i dont drink, which will put anyone as a disadvantage in college, so i have really considered transferring home, but i know i would be disappointed in myself if i did that. basically i am hoping that people arent right about college being the best four years, otherwise my life is going to suck, so i definitely understand what youre talking about</p>
<p>Lots and lots of good advice and I don't have much to add. I've moved probably 7 or 8 times (too tired to count) in my adult life. In retrospect the person or persons who became my "good" friends never really came on the scene until about 6 months after I moved. So you just may find that over the next couple months that you find your true group of friends. My "best" friend ended up being a gal that lived down the dorm hall from me. We are very, very different people but for some reason sometime after the middle of my freshman year we just ended up being best friends. Ying Yan or something like that. She brought a few folks to our "group", I brought a few folks to our "group". A couple of the girls that we bonded with immediately in the early months of college dropped off. The friends part just takes time. It's good you have someone to talk to. I know I visited the "Dean of Woman" a few times in college. You are so right that "home" is changed too and each year as you and your old friends establish yourselves in your new life you'll drift more apart and become different. You'll still enjoy the holidays and time "back home" and your friendships will change with college, with weddings, with children - but this year is really all about separation and becoming totally your own adult person. Try new things; you just never know what will happen. I got "dragged" to the radio station my freshman fall and by senior year I was general manager. Never in a million years would I have predicted that and I didn't go to the original meeting very willingly. If your schedule allows, stretch and take a class each term that sounds interesting, you may just be sparked by something you never thought of. I'm a glass is half full person and maybe right now you're feeling like your glass is half empty. Half is half. If we don't hear from you, write back in March and let us know how you are doing.</p>
<p>When I was in high school and college, my mother always used to say "college is the best four years of your life." I think that was because she didn't have the chance to go to college. That statement, much repeated, weighed on me. I am 51 years old now, and have had a most interesting life: lots of friends, four years spent overseas in two different countries, great husband and kids, comfortable home, good health, etc. etc. but I can unequivocally say that my college years were NOT my best years; in reality they were neutral -- not bad, not good. </p>
<p>I hate to sound negative on a college discussion site, but I would like to encourage you to lift your expectations of this time. You shouldn't settle for bad, but "wonderful" or "best" might not be realistic either.</p>
<p>Interesting side note: my son had an awful senior year last year, and he made it worse for himself because he kept thinking about how he'd always looked up to the seniors at his school because they had it all together and were enjoying a perfect time of life. So he constantly wondered what was wrong with him and his senior year. Last summer, after graduation, he became close to a couple of girls from his class who he hadn't previously known well, and he confided to them about his horrible year. Although they were in a class of only 94, the girls commented that they had had no idea he was miserable; they had perceived him as happy and popular.</p>
<p>
[quote]
basically i am hoping that people arent right about college being the best four years, otherwise my life is going to suck
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I had a conversation about this with my son just today. He also said that he feels that nothing has lived up to his expectations---looked forward to high school and it really wasn't all that great, couldn't wait for college and hasn't been enjoying it--is questioning if there is something wrong with him that he isn't ever satisfied--always looking for something better on the horizon.</p>
<p>As SuNa stated, often to us others look happy, got it all together.... but if we could see inside their minds, we might be surprised.</p>
<p>Wow, it sounds like the biggest issue is the people you're hanging with. Dark clouds can definitely affect others. Get thee into the sunlight, immediately! </p>
<p>It's a big place. I find it highly unlikely that ALL the other people have already settled into their little groups. Even if they have, there is always room for another person.</p>
<p>As others have suggested, reach out. Join some clubs. Decline next time your depressed friends ask you to hang out, and go do something else instead. If they are your roommates, see about getting a new roommate. Even if you think you have nowhere to go, just go hang out at a coffee shop or a library or the rec room or something. Join the gym and start working out, or some other physical activity. You're bound to meet some new people if you start getting more active. What are you interested in? Special interest clubs and physical activities are great for bonding people - suddenly you have something in common. Nothing beats the blues better than sunlight and exercise! Seriously!</p>
<p>If they ask why you've suddenly started doing other things, tell them the truth. Suggest that they get some counseling too. Invite them to join you on some physical activity, and if they don't, go anyway. (But avoid secluded places, obviously.) Then think about yourself and take care of yourself. Just making the decision to get active can help tremendously!</p>
<p>I’m feeling the same way. I’m at a big school and it’s hard to adjust. I just miss my family and friends back at home. I’m a freshman and keep thinking I should transfer. It’s a very good school, but Idk if it’s my type. All I can think about is if I made the right choice. But are these problems common throughout colleges?</p>
<p>Funny to see this thread bumped back up. When I posted on it, my daughter was a College senior. She’s 28 now. </p>
<p>Anyway, Jaishrikrisna, Yes, what you are going through is very, very normal. The biggest lesson that we all neglect to tell our kids when they go off to college is that first semester will be a combination of highs and lows and at some point every single freshman feels alone, and friendless. This too shall pass.</p>
<p>jaish, start a new thread. This one is seven years old and eventually will get closed.</p>