This discussion was accidentally merged into another one, so I have moved it back.
<p>You need avenues for meeting people in a situation where you are put together for a period of time to warm up to each other. It sounds like you chose the school for some strong specific programs, so I would look for ways to get involved in those programs outside the classroom. Do they have tutoring? Even if you don’t need help, you might meet more studious people or upperclass people in your major that could link you up with like minded people and groups.</p>
<p>You need to get out of your dorm/common room. Those mean girls sound toxic. Go to the library, try to set a study date with people from your classes. Are there midterms coming up or any project you could collaborate on? There must be other clubs. Do you have a religious background? Those would be options for clubs that might go more out of their way to be welcoming. Do you have a job or volunteer activity? Keep showing up to the dog training club. The girls on phones will either drop out or open up. </p>
<p>Hang in there. It will get better. </p>
<p>It isn’t too late to join clubs. Go check them out. Another thing to do is look for ways to volunteer. Here is the thing about dogs… some people who do those types of activities like dogs better than people. Pick something that doesn’t have animals involved, unless you are so into the puppy training you want to continue for that reason. 
Newpaper and theater are a couple of areas where you spend enough time with people to get to know them. Do you have a job? Another good way to meet people. </p>
<p>If you are still having trouble when it is time to sign up for housing next year, look into special interest housing, or cooperative housing if your college offers it. Both good ways to meet people who are pretty friendly and not too pretentious.</p>
<pre><code>Ok so my freshman year in college tale of woe is similar to many I’ve read but not exactly the same. To start with, I can be a shy person, but I want to clarify that once I am somewhat accepted, I am funny and outgoing. My problem can be navigating the new stages of a relationship and saying enough to get people to know about you without seeming desperate, pushing too hard if people just aren’t into you, or coming off as self-indulgent. Anyway during the first week or so ( I’ve been here for five weeks now) we had orientation and meetings and everyone talked and mingled. I was friendly and exhaustingly put myself out their everyday. I got nervous because soon it seemed that people were making friends and I had nobody really. My roommate started out as really quiet and then soon became arrogant, rude, annoying, and only wanted to talk about herself. On top of this she is out at the library from 8:00 am to 10:00 pm even on weekends, so I rarely see her which is good in this case, but didn’t allow our intiatial friendship to grow, it’s odd. Also she has already made the decision to transfer so she isn’t even someone worth trying with. It would have been nice to have her as a buddy to hang out with early on but it never happened. I also talked to the other girls on my floor and went to events with them to try to make at least one friend. Well it backfired, because somehow they all got really close and phased me out. They would avoid conversations with me and pretend I wasn’t around even when I tried to inject myself into the conversation just to not feel so alone. (One day I walked through the common room of our floor where they all were sitting and said “hi how are you guys?”, a few looked up at me and then turned away and said nothing!) On top of this, they still sometimes say hi to me in the hall as if everything is fine, yet they don’t want to be around me. It’s as if they are mean and socially unaware. This is especially bad when the boys on our floor are around because they have given me death stares when I even walk passed the area. And finally another girl on my floor complained of having no friends but then refused my invitations to hang out and was just standoffish to me.
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<p>So in trying to branch out I wanted to join clubs but only joined one because the time commitment or day the meetings were on didn’t work with my schedule and I didn’t know what my work load would be. Now even if I did join another club, everyone would already know each other and it would be awkward but I don’t even know if I’m allowed join now if I wanted to because we are into the year. So the club I did join is a start-up service dog training club and we had to take care of these puppies in groups an hour at a time. You’d think it would be perfect for conversation but no, many girls were on their phones the whole time and were cold when I even make little jokes or tried to start a conversation. I have noticed that many people especially the girls here are caddy and cold and even just bitchy. I expected a school with people from all over and so good academically to attract more mature people and not just book smart people.
Anyway now I’m looking towards my classes for friends, but again many people are already in cliques and It’s harder and harder to talk to people without seeming odd because that newness gap is closing up. My lab and French class hold the most promise in terms of friends, but that is just because we spend so much time together and are a small group. Still though people have made friends or go to class and then go off to do something with someone else. I’s frustrating and tiring to constantly be trying to interact causally and make friends normally. I’ve taken a break to just focus on me and my studies and hobbies while still being open and friendly but not trying so hard. Now I spend weekends at my dorm for the most part being lonely and I have to break up going to the caf with getting an on the go option so everyone doesn’t always see that I’m alone. It’s fine to sit alone sometimes, but I am almost always alone and I’m afraid people will think I’m weird or just pathetic even though I know I have done my best. I am very close with my family and they have agreed that with the crap I’ve been through, to just do what I’m doing now and focus on my classes and self and talk about it further when I come home in October for midsemester pause.
With all of this transferring is possible, but is not a great option because this school has a great program for the specific dual major I’m going for. Also it is not too far from home (2.5 hours) which was hard to find for a school with this major, and it’s beautiful and sustainable ( my major is environmental/wildlife science so that was a great fit). Other colleges I had looked at would mean a lot more piecing together of classes and even then it would not be as complete as this education I believe. I really do love my classes and teachers and even the look of the school and the town around it, but the people are nearly a deal breaker. I expect so much more from this place and I feel like I’ve have let myself down for having high expectations and the schools population has let me down for being so damn cold to me so far. I want to do well in school, but have a little fun instead of being in my dorm homesick all the time calling my family. Sometimes I see the odd, nice person in passing, but they are usually older and I can’t just go up and say high because then I come off as sad without other friends.
I always thought my friends back home had been immature until senior year when they grew up a little and we got really close. The people at school are worse than they used to be and many only care about parties, drinking, and boys, but try to hide it. The girls here are especially mean and the guys are only a bit better. I would love to just have a guy friend or two because some of my best friends in my high school group were guys and I get along really well with them. Instead, these guys just want sex it seems or they don’t want it from me so they ignore me. Finally I don’t think this shouldn’t matter, but for the record I would say that I am fairly pretty with no weird mannerisms or ticks that may scare people off so I don’t know why people have been so negative to me specifically, but not those around me. I would just like some advice on what to do. I am really sorry this is so long, but I wanted to explain that I have explored many options and already feel I’ve hit a dead end 5 weeks in. Any constructive comments would be appreciated greatly. P.S. those girls are in the common room right now talking so loud that I feel like they are mocking me lol.</p>
<p>First of all, it is entirely possible that the people on your floor are all jerks. However, when I saw your comment
“P.S. those girls are in the common room right now talking so loud that I feel like they are mocking me lol,” it made me think that you might be projecting your own fears onto others. Besides, if they wanted to talk about you behind your back, they wouldn’t be so loud, lol. If you lack confidence and are always afraid that people are talking about you or that you are annoying others, it may start to manifest itself as reality. Try visualizing yourself in a more positive way. One book for building confidence that I recommend is “Awaken the Giant Within” by Anthony Robbins. </p>