<p>Our newly minted freshman is 5 hours away from home and seems to be adjusting fine -- he calls weekly on Sunday, only texts mid-week if there is an issue/question he needs help resolving, he seems to have found friends and be doing a mix of work/fun things, and we're trying to give him space by not contacting him between phone calls. The first week or so was okay on this end, but now I'm really starting to miss him, since he's been gone now longer than he ever has been before. Predictable, understandable, but still hard to adjust. We will be going down to visit him in October -- he will have been there 6 weeks by that time. I want to keep my expectations for the visit realistic ... but not sure what "realistic" really is. It is Parents' Weekend, so there are activities available for us to do if we choose. I'm curious about whether we should plan things to do, leave it up to him, or (most probably) strike a happy medium where we have some ideas of things to do but let him take the lead and only default to our ideas if he doesn't have any. He's busy with school and friends and just figuring out how to balance everything, so I don't want our visit to be an additional "thing he has to get ready for" in terms of planning anything; on the other hand, if he has things in mind he wants to do, that's cool too.... In my perfect world, we'd show up Friday evening and get a chance to see him for a bit; then Saturday spend the afternoon together doing something (whether on campus or off) and take him and some of his friends off campus for dinner and/or a movie or whatever (our treat...). Then maybe see him for breakfast Sunday AM before we head home. I know it will depend on what he has going on, his mood, etc., but overall, is that a completely unrealistic/over-the-top scenario?</p>
<p>My daughter is usually pretty busy on parent’s weekend (with homework) We have been able to have dinner with her on Friday night and spend some of Saturday afternoon with her (they have a big family bbq on the quad .) We always let her sleep in on Sunday when we visit on a weekend we leave before she wakes up. Typically, we go to all of the parent’s weekend sessions on campus without her (and there are usually some good ones). She is in Boston and we also use this October weekend to bring her winter clothes and bring back her summer clothes. Before our first parents weekend, I had this dream of taking her and her friends who had parents too far away to visit out for dinner together - it has never happened!</p>
<p>Often parents weekend is around mid terms.
My oldest wasnt able to spend more than a few minutes with us.
You might check the academic schedule and plan to see him at a time when he is the least busy.</p>
<p>After freshman year, our kids have asked us to visit on a weekend other than Parent’s Weekend…Maybe they’re hoping that “kiddie” will invite them out to dinner on Parent’s weekend. 
But more probably because it’s less busy, or their club team is playing, so we get to watch them play, which they know is exciting for us. So we love to go, but only when we get invited. </p>
<p>We attended freshman year PW for all three of ours. I think your happy medium idea is the way to go. Flexibility is key. One of ours wound up with a major test (all sections of freshman bio test together) the Friday night of PW. We were happy for the time we were able to spend with them and also happy to see them settled and not needing to spend all their time with us. One was grateful to be able to spend a night in the hotel with us rather than in the noisy dorm. He slept for hours and hours! Have a great visit.</p>
<p>Part of growing up and being an adult is the ability to balance work, play, and family obligations. Your son knows you are coming for Parents weekend, he can plan on getting a lot of his work done before the weekend. You are driving 5 hours to see him, so it’s a lot of effort on your part. I am sure he will be excited to see you too.</p>
<p>For parents weekend, there will be events your son or you would want to attend. My kid’s school had special entertainment at night that we had to get tickets for way ahead of time. Talk it over with him on how he wants to spend his time with you. Remember, it is going to his turf (school), he is going to be proud to show you his new home. Our biggest mistake with D1 for her freshman PW was I assumed she would want to spend all of her time with us, and when she didn’t it was a great disappointment for me. We talked it out and came to a compromise for our future visits. With D2 it was easier, I knew what to expect.</p>
<p>After the first year, I stopped going to PW, I started going to visit when kids had dance performances at school or I wanted to do a girl’s weekend. I would usually go up Sat and get there by lunch time. We would spend the afternoon together and then have dinner. After dinner, my kids would then go out with their friends at night. We would have brunch Sun morning before I took off.</p>
<p>Oh yes, D1 enjoyed our hotel’s bathroom. She took a shower/bath there and slept in our king size bed.</p>
<p>Our son was a freshman last year, 1800 miles away. We moved him in Labor Day weekend and then first returned the last weekend of October for Family/Alumni Weekend. Subsequently we visited a few other times and basically we go out to dinner each night, working around his plans for the night, eating and then returning him to campus for the night. We do go shopping with him to get whatever he might need, attend a sports game, although he’ll sit in the student section. </p>
<p>I think it’s best to be flexible. I’ll tell him ahead of time what our thoughts are about what to do and he’s usually good with that. But we always say we’ll work around his schedule.</p>
<p>I don’t think your scenario is over the top, but you should prepare yourself to do less than that and still be happy. Honestly, I really think by the time parents’ weekend rolls around you will be much better adjusted. It does get easier, especially when you know your child is doing well.</p>
<p>My kid goes to a school where it is tough to get to a Target or similar store. A run over to Target for a few supplies was a welcome activity when I went to see her last year.</p>
<p>My parents did not come on Parents’ Weekend (I only went to college 20 minutes from home, and I think they were otherwise occupied that weekend), but I actually did go out with my roommates’ parents for dinner on PW. I loved her parents and I welcomed the invitation I knew a couple of other people who went out to dinner or lunch with their roommates’ or friends’ parents when their own parents couldn’t make the trip.</p>
<p>I knew some people who did everything with their parents over PW and some people who just did a few events, and then one or two whose parents were basically on their own lol.</p>
<p>Target, ha, or WalMart. Ours are girls. We did the first PW for each and told them we’d like to have a dinner together, go to the evening vocal concert together (a big deal there, for everyone,) and maybe walk around campus together, but played the rest by ear. We offered to bring a friend or two to dinner, if their parents weren’t around. After the first year, we skipped the official functions, sometimes going on PW, sometimes the weekend before or after. Ours were happy to have us eat in the dining hall with them and meet their friends. Other than shopping, it does help to try to take off your “parents hats” and be flexible- but imo, you can ask for portions of their time- after all, that’s why you’re there.</p>
<p>OP, I could have written your post 4 years ago. Our only child attended an LAC 5 hours from our home. He seemed to have adjusted well, had made some friends, and was busy. I told him that we were coming for family Weekend and that he should look at the schedule to see if I should pre-order tickets for anything. I think that first year we took him out to dinner Friday, had lunch with him on Saturday, went to the football game without him, had the campus dinner together, and saw him briefly Sunday before he left for his club sport’s away match. Soph yr. we went but took him off campus for dinner on Friday, an extended shopping trip and dinner on Saturday when his sport was cancelled due to a freak Oct snowstorm, and left Early Sunday so he could get work done. By Jr. Year, I figured he wouldn’t want us to come but his club sport had a match off-campus so he invited us to see him play finally. and, of course, dinner off-campus. Sr year, his film internship was doing a stage show in town. We went on Thursday for the show and after party, took him to dinner on Friday, and left Saturday before most of the college activities started. </p>
<p>In retrospect, I would say things worked out pretty well when I didn’t have great expectations of spending hours together experiencing all of his new college life. I met a few of his friends and saw a few places so that I had better context for our phone conversations. I was really happy to see that he was busy, had some good friends, he knew how to budget his time, and each time that I saw him I could see his personal growth. I hope that your son has as great an experience as mine did. It was a wonderful four years.</p>
<p>If he wants you to visit, then visit. Participate in activities of his choice, unless he solicits your list of wishes. Say every so often, that the whole event is for him, and while you wish to see him, you will survive if he is busy with something else.
Yep, you are correct, you will adjust especially that you do not need to worry about your student who is apparently doing well.</p>
<p>We didn’t come up during parents weekend, but waited about six weeks to visit our then freshman. We told him we wanted to visit, made sure he was free, then made plans. We ate one meal together, inviting his friends/roomies. We didn’t stay overnight. If we had stayed, we likely would have had two meals. Subsequent visits were pretty similar.</p>
<p>Your attitude seems right, OP. You want to see him but are being respectful of his plans. Go in with modest expectations. </p>
<p>Our son is closer, so a drop in visit is easier. We resist. I do go up for performances during the week, but he knows I am coming. Sometimes he has been so busy we barely get to talk. It does make me said we can’t spend more time together, but I am pleased to see him happy and busy. </p>
<p>Talk to your son and ask what works for him. </p>
<p>Once nice thing you can do is tell him that if he has a good friend whose parents can’t come that they’d be welcome to join you for dinner or something. That way you can meet a friend or two and he can mix being with you and his friends. My kids always appreciated this offer.</p>
<p>If your school offers activities that require registration, go ahead and sign up now. He may not be able to go to all the events, but you will be prepared. I know that food with roomies and/or friends is always a welcome event, as are trips to the store where you pay for treats (or necessities). It is a great chance for him to show you his new world, but he may not feel comfortable doing that yet. I recommend trying to fit in a liitle bit of private time in case homesickness hits as you are leaving. </p>
<p>We are closer, so we come down for football games and any performance that he is in. By now (DS is a jr) he feels comfortable telling us to leave. </p>
<p>Our son’s school published a parents guide that covers the freshman year with examples and highlights throughout the year and focuses on expectations and suggestions for contact and visits both home and to the school. See if your school has something like that to offer.</p>
<p>We never expect to spend all that much time with our D when we visit her. Usually if we are there for friday dinner, she will meet us. Sometimes she has other plans, and will see us for an hour or so before dinner. If we arrive after friday dinner, we might meet sat. for lunch, if she is not too busy. Usually we have dinner on Sat night, and may or may not meet briefly Sunday for breakfast/brunch. It goes without saying that meals are preferably in an off campus spot that is a common place for her to go. All the rest of the time, H and I entertain ourselves. We go to sporting events, concerts, lectures etc. The college is not too close to home, but we do not want to go months without seeing her, so we are willing to travel for even a couple of meals together. Depending on the exam schedule and other demands, OP’s son may not have a free Saturday afternoon. Best to find out in advance.</p>