<p>How often do you visit your child (if at all) who is at a far-away college?</p>
<p>Thanks!</p>
<p>Less frequently each year! Seriously, I would consider once a year, especially Freshman year I would plan to visit during Parents Weekend or the weekend just prior to or after Parents Weekend or if they’re in a performance or big competition. After Freshman year, on an “as needed” basis. Some schools have the kids on break around every six weeks or so which makes the more correct question - why do they come home so often? (JK)</p>
<p>We’ve only gone on parents weekend. I know some parents might go more frequently if kid is involved in sports, performances, etc to attend a specific event. We also go to assist with move in.</p>
<p>Uh, never?</p>
<p>My daughter attended a college a seven-hour drive from home. I drove up there with her every August to drop off her stuff and went back every May to retrieve the stuff and her. I never went to the campus on any other occasion, nor did she expect me to. If she came home for breaks (which she did most of the time but not always), she took a bus.</p>
<p>My son’s campus was less than an hour from home, and I did go there fairly often, mostly to pick him up when he wanted to come home for a break, weekend, or medical appointment, or to bring him back afterwards. But later, when he went to graduate school on the other side of the country, I never even saw the campus, except in the photos he sent me.</p>
<p>D2 went far, far away (3000+ miles). I went with her to move-in, we flew. Took boxes of stuff on southwest instead of luggage. My stuff was in a carry-on.</p>
<p>I stayed a few days, helped her move-in, looked around and left. We had never visited before. She enrolled sight unseen. Talked with her coach (D1 athlete) excessively, she knew his rep.</p>
<p>I left and never went back, too far, too expensive. She had someone take pictures at graduation, sent them to me via email. She moved back to our area day after graduation, lives about 5 minutes away now.</p>
<p>Kat</p>
<p>Both my kids (boys) stayed instate. One went three hours away, the other four hours away. We helped them move in freshman year and never laid eyes on their dorms after that. They both have pick-up trucks and were able to handle all moves themselves. </p>
<p>Several times a year when we passed through their respective college towns on our way to our vacation home, we’d call them and take them out for a meal if they had time. Otherwise, we just saw them when they came home for breaks. Neither of them ever moved back home for summer break.
Never attended any parent weekends or football games with them.</p>
<p>Yeah, now I don’t feel like a slacker mom for just kicking them to the curb! Once they are on campus and fledged is the time to build that support system and truly see what they can do on their own. I let them know they were not minoring in learned helplessness!</p>
<p>Throwing in an opinion from the other side…I went to school about 1300 miles from home. I had one visit at parents weekend my freshman year and one my senior year (but mostly because Dad just wanted to go to a football game!). It was MORE than enough for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents, but there was a new, and appropriate, boundary there when I went to school. I appreciate they never pushed it.</p>
<p>My husband, who went to the same school, loves to tell the story of his parents showing up unannounced at this dorm one day! They happened to have a connecting flight through the local airport and enough of a layover that they decided to pop in. He was mortified and they never went back until graduation :)</p>
<p>My advice would be to wait to have a discussion about visiting until after she’s on campus, then let her decide when and how often. If she wants you to come, great. If not, great. It will be just fine either way.</p>
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<p>Besides inconvenience, this is the reason why many parents don’t visit.</p>
<p>College is the student’s territory. Parents don’t really belong there. The world that parents and students share is at home. Moreover, students are busy when they’re at college; a visiting parent is an interruption. During breaks, they’re usually bored silly, which means that a conversation or activity with a parent is something they welcome rather than resent.</p>
<p>I would say one time, and then that’s it.</p>
<p>My mom is a single parent and I most likely will go to college up north (I’m in florida). She says she will visit me once a month. I’m not sure if she is kidding or exaggerating, but I can’t spend 3 days every 3 weeks with her! I have an older sibling at UM and a younger brother, so it’s not like I’m an only child. </p>
<p>Will her want to fly up to see me every month wane in time or is there something I should say? My mom is not crazy in any way but we have a strong relationship.</p>
<p>S1 went to school about 400 miles from home. We visited on Freshman and Junior Parents’ Weekends and commencement and always joked that DS would be checking the visit off the list as soon as we hit the road. We were also in his city every spring because DH runs the marathon there. On those weekends we would meet him for dinner and, if he had time, he would sometimes join me along the race route for an hour or so when we expected DH to be passing by.</p>
<p>S2 went to school one mile from home. We’ve probably seen less of him than his brother.</p>
<p>We went up for parent’s weekend freshman year even for our “close” school kid. We picked him up to come home a few times but mostly he rode the bus home. Our D is considering a far away school but will be an athlete so we will probably make an effort to see her play a few times, hopefully at schools closer to us vs going to her home contests, but that is still off in the future some. If they asked us to come, we would certainly go anytime though.</p>
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<p>D2 will be attending DH’s alma mater. We have had season football tickets for a decade; we go and socialize with DH’s college friends. We have no plans to change this, and D2 has said she looks forward to seeing us at game weekends. We will leave the ball in her court as to how much we see her, but in our case, the college is not strictly the student’s territory.</p>
<p>With our other daughter, we visited no more than once or twice a year, always at her request.</p>
<p>I only visit on parents weekend and one weekend when my mom and aunt came to tour the city my D was in, My D has come ohome on holidays, and breaks and that is enough for her and us.</p>
<p>Back in the last century, I went to college about 800 miles from my hometown. Parents dropped me off at one aunt’s near there a couple weeks before school started, and a different aunt dropped me at college. She also swung by on another occasion that first fall term to take my roommate and I to dinner. Roommate (1000 miles from home) was also dropped off by a local relative. Both sets of parents turned up for graduation. At least one US classmate had no parents at graduation because of the cost of travel. Many international classmates didn’t even go home for vacations for all four years.</p>
<p>None of us turned into ax-murderers. If you can’t visit your kid, chances are that he/she will turn out fine too.</p>
<p>I ask because I have not been to S3’s campus since Fall 2010. Thanks for making me feel like that is okay! :)</p>
<p>Once a year - when D played in the national tournament of her sport. Otherwise the $$$$ (a lot of it!) went to fly her home for Thanksgiving, Christmas break and summer.</p>
<p>My response is similar to Nrdsb’s. Our son is attending the school where my husband and I went and we have season tickets for football. We had one for my son also, but he’s in the student section now. He swings by our tailgate on gameday, and/or we take him and his roommate out after. We always let him tell us what best fits his plans. We also go to campus a few other times a year and meet him for lunch or dinner if he is available. We aren’t specifically there to see him, but it is a nice bonus. He grew up going to that school a few times a year with us so he knew this going into it.</p>
<p>Adad^^It is definitely fine…</p>
<p>But we were actually shocked that our daughters have asked us to come…often…and they are both very, very happy and settled in their schools…</p>
<p>Move-in, Parents Weekend, Mother-Daughter sorority weekend…</p>
<p>It usually works out to once or twice a semester other than move-in…</p>
<p>Fine with us…cheap short flight (to the one who is farther away) or a three hour drive…usually comes out to the same total time travelling…</p>