Wanna rate my essay?

<p>Small Fish Against a Whirlpool</p>

<pre><code>What's an Asian guy doing wearing a kilt and playing in a team full of girls? People often saw me and either praised or criticized for my involvement in field hockey. I participated in this sport to lose weight and to go where most guys would never dare venture while facing ridicules for my decision.
My trek to get in shape started with tennis. Seeing disappointing results, I decided to join another activity to further reach my goal. At first, soccer and team sports in general piqued little interest in me. However, I came to appreciate and relate to them after learning about teamwork and team skills by playing with the girls. Having engaged in three sports, I felt that the level of intensity imposed by field hockey was greater than that of tennis and a notch below indoor track's. Nay-sayers must experience the dangerous life of field hockey—broken teeth anyone?—to feel the love and the pain.

Making friends wasn't my first priority for joining this female sport; however, I left my last season with that being the most important. Being part of this “band of sisters” motivated me to further lose weight. I ran alone for miles across the city while battling my fear of drivers' hostile opinions, struggled through 200 daily sit-ups, and committed to a low-fat diet. The strength I built I contributed back to the team by gaining speed advantages during games. I was ashamed to be sucked in by our beauty-concerned society but more proud to be part of a health-conscious world.
Despite the strive, my parents criticized my diet plans. How I view “healthy” differed from my parents' idea of “healthy”. Although our beliefs conflicted, I stood firm against their oppositions. My noncompliance carried me to where I am today—having lost 30 pounds, reaching average weight.
On top of these issues, I dealt with taunts from students for my involvement in field hockey. During pep rallies and in classes, some students have made snide remarks; out on the field, certain athletes from other teams insulted me. I ignored them and pondered why such foolishness exists. The lack of acceptance is a global concern of which I will tackle by educating others on diversity.
Even though a whirlpool of struggles entrapped me, I pulled through with pride. Spiteful words tried wrenching my dignity but I combatted with peace. From playing on the field hockey team, I understood more about people on both their negative and positive aspects. Personal discussions plopped me into various shoes sizes and opened my eyes to different lifestyles. With jerks nagging and supporters cheering me on, my prior opinions about people strengthened: some ignorantly judge while others embrace differences. Moments of self-discovery allowed me to compare myself to other people in order to avoid hypocrisy and to find the virtuous qualities in the world veiled by immoral judgments.
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<p>wanna rate my "begging" letter?</p>

<p>Dear X University,</p>

<p>Purple. I never really liked purple. In fact it was one of my least favorite color. After watching videos made by X University on Youtube, I came to appreciate this unique blend of blue and red. The newfound attraction I have stems from the pictorial of a diverse student population on the University's campus. The Campus Kitchen has shown me how caring your students are toward the needy, as well as people in general. This act of kindness is also demonstrated when an inmate was released from the death sentence by the help from a group of X student journalists who founded evidence to prove his innocence. Let's not forget the huge amount of student organizations like ones for AIDS awareness, aid for victims of the genocide in Darfur, concern for the environment, gay and lesbian support, and advocation for religious peace. What a group of motivated students! These are the kinds of people I would love to be around with. In addition to having big hearts, they have large brains. Swimming in a sea of studious peers would allow me to discuss topics such as France's decision to ban religious symbols in their public schools and its possible infringement on religious freedom. Hopefully, being accepted to X University will allow me to immerse myself in the color purple as well as in the color of diversity blended by the numerous people of different backgrounds on campus.</p>

<p>Go [team mascot] and purple pride!</p>

<p>p.s. some might figure out what college this is.</p>

<p>First essay is good. It's unique at least. </p>

<p>Second essay is very generic and cliche. Seriously, at least dozens of other applicants are going to have a nearly identical essay to that one.</p>