<p>I don’t think a semester in France is some kind of far-out extra for a person who is a French major. It’s a good idea. The question is whether OP can afford it–and it sounds like she can. The only issue is whether she should give it up in order to help her mother financially in the short term.</p>
<p>I agree, Hunt. And I don’t think that the OP is responsible for mom. As a mom, I would NOT want my kids to make that kind of sacrifice for me. This is a window of opportunity. I would feel terrible if my kid passed it up because they thought they needed to care for me financially.</p>
<p>I agree with Hunt. I think it might be helpful to think of it this way, </p>
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<p>On the other hand, unless your French is already excellent, going abroad will probably not help it very much. Immersion is most useful when the learner is at a very high standard of speaking and listening already.</p>
<p>harvestmoon, it is clear you love your mother very much, and that she loves you. and you both have been through tremendous heartbreak with the loss of your father. it seems that the thought of “losing” you is causing your mom a lot of anxiety on top of what she is already dealing with.</p>
<p>i grew up very poor, with a single mother. the opportunity arose in high school for me to go to Germany (i’d chosen to study German in high school, and my German teacher knew i had a rough life and knew a family who was willing to host me, free of charge, for a semester in Germany. i just had to cover my flight, spending money, and help out around the house). my mom was staunchly against it, even though none of it would come out of her pocket (i worked to pay for everything). she just didn’t want to lose control over me (she has mental issues). i was a very responsible person, and made the most of my difficult situation (i became a natl. merit scholar, for one thing). fortunately, my grandmother realized this for the amazing opportunity that it was, and stepped in to make sure i went to Germany. i had to take the SAT in and apply to college FROM Germany (and this was in the late 80s, so no internet) and still managed to get in everywhere i applied. it was a great, important experience in my life, those 7 months of seeing the world through an entirely different lens, and i’m very glad i went.</p>
<p>now my daughter is going off to college. she just arrived at Princeton Preview this morning, and will be going on to ADOCH at Brown directly afterward. we have a lowish income in a high cost area, and she’s been offered significant financial aid (though it will still be a challenge to send her to college). i also have some health issues. but i would not dream of asking her for financial help, unless it was the difference between being indigent, or not. actually, at this stage of her life and with all the hardships we’ve been through, even at that point, i’d want her to pursue HER dreams. if i needed help i would look to my grandmother before my daughter, and it seems that’s an option for your mother, as well.</p>
<p>your plan sounds very well thought out. your feelings of guilt are palpable, as is your desire to go to France. you have valid academic reasons for wanting to go, but i think it would also be a wonderful getaway for you, with all you’ve been through with losing your father. since your mom is not funding your education, and you have worked out reasonable financing (i am a very loan-averse person, but this amount, in this circumstance, seems like a reasonable exception). i think you should go. i am also extremely close to my daughter (we can’t fathom how i will handle her leaving in a few short months) but with that love comes a strong need to put her first. from the way you are considering helping your mom out with funds that are meant for your education, it is clear how much you love your mom. but i sense that you need this study abroad. you need to get away from being looked upon as a provider, for a while. immerse yourself in France for a semester and come back fluent, refreshed and renewed and better able to tackle whatever comes next in your life. it will probably work out better in the long run, for both you AND your mom.</p>
<p>I agree with Hunt and the others.</p>
<p>keepittoyourself - everyone is different. We have had quite a few young engineers come in from another country who were schooled in English for years, but were not conversational. In a few months there was DRASTIC improvement.</p>
<p>Sometimes, it’s that immersion that gets you past the roadblock.</p>
<p>Have you considered perhaps Quebec as another opportunity for immersion?</p>
<p>I’d like to thank everyone for their posts and insight. This new turn of events is still somewhat raw and fresh, and it’s nice to know there’s a place to go where we can all try to be logical about a situation. </p>
<p>Hunt and cromette, and everyone else that’s taken time to work through my situation: thank you for your support and for putting things into perspective for me. That helps a lot, and I’m sure I’ll have to be applying these kinds of principles for most of my life. And for those who feel that studying abroad isn’t a wise decision, I appreciate your input, too. I know that at this point, it’s hard to tell what’s wrong and what’s right. </p>
<p>And PostPunkMom, thank you for sharing your story. That also really does help put things into perspective, and it’s nice to see that something similar worked out for someone else. I too think it’d be nice to get away for a while, but of course I don’t want that to be turned into running away from my responsibilities. I’ll try to make it academically AND financially reasonable. Just have to do some more math. </p>
<p>I know it may not be my direct responsibility to help take care of my mom’s financials, but I’m going to try my hardest to make both helping her out and studying abroad work. I still have time to either ultimately either go or back out, but it’s better to plan for a go than to never try, right? I don’t know what my dad would have wanted, but I know he would’ve wanted me to be happy. </p>
<p>Maybe I can turn this into inspiration to work harder both at work and with my French.</p>
<p>Harvestmoon, yes - right - you should try.</p>
<p>And best of luck to you! I hope things work out for your mom. You’re a great kid for CARING about your mom’s financial situation and understanding she’s tender right now.</p>
<p>Take care of YOU too, okay?!</p>
<p>Let us know how things turn out. :)</p>
<p>I was a French major who only managed to do a 6-week summer abroad in France session the summer before my senior year due to financial difficulties. I got there and quickly realized I was sunk; it was too little, too late. OP, it sounds like you have an excellent plan and you have really thought things through. An entire semester of immersion at this point will be invaluable to your education and career goals, and the additional research you have planned on the side is a huge bonus. The amount of money you are talking about is very reasonable and you have a plan to pay it back. You will be getting a semester’s worth of experience for the cost of a short, summer experience (anyone check prices lately??) I understand your mom’s anxiety and your concern for her, but this sounds like a fantastic opportunity for you. Go for it!</p>
<p>It isn’t the child’s responsibility to take care of the parent.</p>
<p>This statement infuriates me. Back in 1980, my father passed away suddenly leaving mom with 5 children, 2 of whom were in college and 2 in high school, and $12K in life insurance. We were eligible for SS survivors’ benefits, all of which we signed over to mom so we could survive (eat, etc.) My dad owned a store & mom sold real estate. The economic conditions were lousy and w/o the SS, there is no way she could have kept things together without her children helping out. She ran the business, we worked there with her while we also had our (paying) part-time jobs. </p>
<p>2 of us commuted to college - no going away for us, no junior year abroad, no sororities. It never occurred to us to let mom hang in the wind and try to take care of the youngest two without our 2 SS checks. Our dreams were put on hold for a few years until we were out of college and self-supporting. By then, the business environment was better & she could do it w/o us.</p>
<p>WE were (and are) a family. Families take care of each other. The dynamics of a 50 YO child and an 84 YO mother are far, far different than those of a 20 YO and a 50 YO. Doing what you can to help when, through no fault of her own, she is struggling is the right thing.</p>
<p>To turn your back on your parent. Unbelievable.</p>
<p>And to the people who suggest teaching ESL in France. Not going to happen. There are a lot of English speakers/teachers in France, enough that they don’t (or didn’t in the recent past) allow work permits for American ESL teachers. Visa restrictions will keep you from staying.</p>
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That hasn’t been my experience at all. I spent a year in France after four years of high school French. I’d been really terrible at French, and it was a huge help. I went to Germany for a summer after just one year of college German and it was a huge help. My husband who has a much better ear than I do, was speaking Germany fluently after less than a year in Germany despite having only one semester of community college German before going there.</p>
<p>zeebamom, it doesn’t sound like the OP’s mother’s situation is anywhere are dire as yours. There don’t appear to be younger kids, there are other relatives to help out, and OP’s plan is for a single semester.</p>
<p>Also, I suspect that some of us–this is certainly true of me–suspect that the mother is really trying to use the financial argument to guilt OP into not going away, because she just really doesn’t want her to go. Sadly, that’s pretty believable, if you’ve been following CC for a while.</p>
<p>I do not understand either. When our oldest spent a semester abroad the incremental cost was the plane trip to get to Europe and back … and the cost of any side trips (which our daughter paid on her own).</p>
<p>You’re explained the tuition would be a wash in your case. This is the line that gets me …
That is your room and board bill at your school in the US? Or do you live at home? </p>
<p>For my daughter the room and board expense at her school in England was about the same as here (actually a tad less in England than here). </p>
<p>The 6K difference in room and board seems strange without some difference in what you are paying for.</p>
<p>To me it sounds like mom would be paying no more if you study abroad…because she isn’t paying now. You just wouldn’t be working and giving her money. </p>
<p>Another way to think about it is if you want to go to Grad school and study french then you should do all you can now to do as well as you can and that means you should study abroad. You should emotionally support your mom, of course, but you have to live your life for you as well.</p>
<p>3togo-- the 2.5k would be the remaining balance of my housing at my university. It costs roughly about 5k a semester, and after all my scholarships would go through, I’d have a 2.5k bill left to pay, like I’m going to have for this upcoming fall. </p>
<p>For France, after all the applicable scholarships go through, I’ll have a remaining balance of about 8k for the housing, food, health insurance, excursions, etc. The 4-5k comes from what I feel I need to make/borrow in order to bride the gap and have spending money, though of course I can’t be entirely sure of both the direct and extra costs and my contributions yet. </p>
<p>Also, I don’t think I mentioned this, but the reason housing is going to be more expensive in France is because we stay with host families through this program. We pay a certain amount to stay there, and we receive breakfast daily and then 3 dinners/wk. For the rest of our meals, the host families give us a kind of allowance for us to go buy our other meals. (The application & info said there’s a caf</p>
<p>Oh, and health insurance. Her job doesn’t give it to her, and as long as I can remember, she’s been paying for independent insurance. So, that itself is probably the main priority for her in addition to the heat and natural gas bills.</p>
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<p>Harvestmoon, I am so impressed at your exceedingly mature and self-controlled response.</p>
<p>I didn’t see anyone mention this but I believe a study abroad summer would be cheaper than 16K. You could do 6-8-10 or 12 weeks depending on the program. </p>
<p>So if the Canada idea, which is a very good one, is not one you want. Go during the summer then you don’t have any conflict with classes and any of your other plans could be shifted interms of the connections you have set up with other people.</p>