Want to study abroad but Mom and financials are making me feel guilty? HELP!

Parents Forum
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<p>I’m surprised that no one has mentioned the Gilman Scholarship yet. I’m not sure when the deadline is, but if you are receiving Pell Grants you can get up to $5,000 for study abroad through Gilman (more if you’re studying a critical language, which unfortunately French is not), which sounds like it would be enough to prevent you from having to take loans. [Benjamin</a> A. Gilman International Scholarship Program](<a href=“http://www.iie.org/Programs/Gilman-Scholarship-Program]Benjamin”>Benjamin A. Gilman International Scholarship Program | IIE - The Power of International Education). </p>

<p>On their website, there is also a link which lists other scholarships for study abroad. There are actually quite a few out there if you know where to look. You should also ask your office of study abroad if they have any. I know sometimes schools will give 1,000$ stipends or so for study abroad bloggers… it seems like small amounts of funding like that could help you out.</p>

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<p>Hello everyone, </p>

<p>I have a bit of an update, and I thought I would share since it seems promising. </p>

<p>Some classes became open and I’ve managed to condense my schedule to having classes 3 days a week in the fall, allowing me to commute to my school instead of staying there. That frees up both money I’d have to spend for housing and money that can be refunded to me, so this makes me feel a lot better. </p>

<p>Also, I applied to an on-campus job to supplement my off-campus job, so if that goes through, I’ll get both some extra hours and a higher wage per hour, which would help a lot. </p>

<p>Mom is keeping her eye out for a new job, but she’s also looking at lowering her health insurance and some other bills to perhaps make up the difference if she can’t secure a new one. </p>

<p>I have my study abroad interview a week from Tuesday, so hopefully I’ll be able to get the definite costs and then get the “approved” papers to apply for scholarships. </p>

<p>And thank you for the Gilman Scholarship link. I will check that and any other ones listed as well!</p>

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<p>Havestmoon- I have been reading your post and replays by others…I feel you should go to France. You seem like a very responsible person and your Mom will be OK. It will all work out.</p>

<p>Good luck and enjoy France! You deserve to be Happy!</p>

64

<p>Hello everyone, </p>

<p>You’ve all been so kind and supportive, and I’d like to thank you again. Your encouragement and support is very important to me. Also, I have more news about this issue, and I’m pretty sure that it’s promising. </p>

<p>I’ve been officially accepted into the program and so can now apply for scholarships. I was told to wait on the ones from my school until the fall (not all professors are here for the recommendations and they’re still dealing with fall departure stuff), but I’ve been looking around on the Web for other scholarships. (including the Gillman one). </p>

<p>Come fall, I can sit down with the International Education person and fill out a financial aid worksheet that denotes all of the exact costs and expenses of the program. (He won’t even know until then because the program has to adjust their costs for the rising rates of tuition and whatnot.) After we do that, I’ll turn it in to financial aid and they’ll readjust my eligibility and might be able to offer me more scholarships/loans. (Probably loans, but they’ll be the good kind. Unsubsidized, is it? Or subsidized? I can’t remember which is which) </p>

<p>I’ve been working really hard and have saved up 2k more since school got out in April. I’ve been doing extra jobs and saving money and everything I can. Also, I’ll start up my new campus job in September, so that will definitely help since I can work there during the week and at my other job on weekends. </p>

<p>My mom’s hours are still getting cut, but she’s working with someone to lower her health insurance and auto insurance, and she’s also going to pick up a few extra hours at a part-time job this summer. It’ll still be tight for us, but she’s determined to stay where she’s at since she loves it, and I’m the LAST person to criticize her for following her heart. </p>

<p>So far so good, and though my mom still rolls her eyes and starts yelling whenever I mentioned France, I’m still going to make it work. I’m proud to say that my drive is as strong as ever and that my mind’s still set on the prize. </p>

<p>Just thought I’d update on that. Thanks again for everything! It’s truly appreciated.</p>

65

<p>Congratulations. It sounds like things are falling into place. Keep us apprised of the situation. Taking a 25% pay cut is difficult especially when there is already little room to cut back. Once she gets settled with another part-time job, the financial pressure will ease up for her. Maybe she could also find some occasional babysitting jobs. If she sees that things will work financially, she may stop yelling at you.</p>

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<p>harvestmoon, wow, your perseverance and hard work really stand out. You will appreciate your experience all the more because you have invested so much effort into making it happen. Remember to be easy on your mom, your maturity in looking at things from her point of view can ease the path for both of you. Best of luck!</p>

67

<p>So glad for the update . . . have been thinking about you.</p>

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<p>harvestmoon, I am SO GLAD things are working out for you. I’ve been reading this and didn’t dare speak up.
I am very impressed with your maturity and reasoning. Truly.
I was worried that if it didn’t work out what I’d tell you would dishearten you too much.
The reality is that for a french major, not going abroad is a red flag that severely limits your job prospects and makes it all-but-impossible for you to go to a reputable grad school.
French is very useful if you have a good background in technical writing and translation (not literary translation), or if you plan to teach. There are jobs in international law, too. If you plan to teach, you can get into a PHD program in French, go to the Master’s level, then decide if you want to stay on for the PHD or try and look for a job at the secondary level. (for better stipends, you apply directly to the PHD). It’s better if you have another foreign language (especially Spanish, but other languages also) since many high schools ask their French teacher to teach beginning Spanish (or Beginning something else).
Be aware that many PHD programs will expect you to have started literature or history rather your sophomore year and junior year at the latest. (If your college does not offer many “civilization” classes - history, economics, etc, of French speaking countries, look at what the History dept and other depts. offer. Classes in French history or even European history will be very useful and will “beef up” your trasncript).
In all cases, you’ll be in competition for jobs or graduate stipends with people who studied abroad. There’s no substitute for that.
Some people here seem to confuse study abroad trips for non language majors and study abroad for language majors. For a language major, it’s crucial. It’s impossible to gain fluency without immersion in a language (your difficulty in speaking is due to that - your brain simply won’t click until <em>everything</em> around you is in French) and it’s naive to think you can know a culture without experiencing it. Fluency cannot be acquired over 4 or 6 weeks. Every little bit helps, of course, but it’s no substitute for a semester abroad (in fact, you’ll see graduate programs recommend 1 year during the Master’s - and we’re talking people who are already fluent.)
Are you by any chance going to UCO (universit</p>

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<p>MYOS- Oh gosh, thanks for your reply!! It’s very encouraging, and I’m excited that you seem to know quite a bit about the situation and the overall experience! </p>

<p>The program does set me up at l’Universit</p>

70

<p>I don’t know your actual level so what follows may not apply, but if you’re close to a 4.0 and can develop your French skills…
[Vermont</a> Law School Dual Degree: University of Cergy-Pontoise, France - Vermont Law School](<a href=“http://www.vermontlaw.edu/academics/degrees/dual_degrees/university_of_cergy-pontoise_france.htm]Vermont”>http://www.vermontlaw.edu/academics/degrees/dual_degrees/university_of_cergy-pontoise_france.htm)
[Dual-Degree</a> Programs - University of Virginia School of Law](<a href=“http://www.law.virginia.edu/html/academics/combinedegree.htm]Dual-Degree”>Dual-Degree Programs | University of Virginia School of Law)
[JD/Master</a> in French Law (4-year) Program | International Programs | Columbia Law School](<a href=“http://web.law.columbia.edu/international-programs/study-abroad-programs/foreign-dual-degree-programs/jd-master-french-law-4-year-program]JD/Master”>http://web.law.columbia.edu/international-programs/study-abroad-programs/foreign-dual-degree-programs/jd-master-french-law-4-year-program)
[Canada:</a> McGill University Faculty of Law](<a href=“http://www.top-law-schools.com/mcgill-faculty-of-law.html]Canada:”>Canada: McGill University Faculty of Law)
[Cornell</a> Law School: Dual Degrees](<a href=“http://www.lawschool.cornell.edu/admissions/degrees/dual_degree.cfm]Cornell”>International Degrees and Specializations | Cornell Law School)
[BU</a> Law | Prospective Students | J.D. Program | Dual Degrees | J.D./LL.M. in European Law](<a href=“http://www.bu.edu/law/prospective/jd/dual/european.shtml]BU”>http://www.bu.edu/law/prospective/jd/dual/european.shtml)
[NYU</a> Law - Dual Degree Programs: J.D./M.A. in French Studies](<a href=“http://www.law.nyu.edu/admissions/jdadmissions/dualdegreeprograms/jdma_frenchstudies/index.htm]NYU”>http://www.law.nyu.edu/admissions/jdadmissions/dualdegreeprograms/jdma_frenchstudies/index.htm)
(Unlike in the US, bilingual law school graduates are in high demand in Qu</p>

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<p>So, so happy for you!</p>

<p>Your maturity and perseverance are so impressive…and although you won’t realize it now, what you have gone through, both in process and emotionally, will have given you skills that will make you successful in facing all the challenges that life has ahead for you. It is wonderful to be a person that sets a goal, and makes a plan, and executes a plan, rather than a person who sets a goal…and then says “woe is me.”</p>

<p>Just an idea because I don’t know how practical it is…but when I was learning Spanish, I listened to Spanish radio and TV shows to increase my fluency. My sons did the same thing when they studied foreign languages (they found some sources they could stream). It really helped with comprehension given the speed of natives’ speech.</p>

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<p>Hello there, </p>

<p>I wanted to post again because to be honest, I’m now starting to have my first flair of some serious doubt and guilt about this whole thing… I really don’t know what to think or what to feel. </p>

<p>I don’t know if I can do it morally or emotionally. Even though things are starting to get a little better financially, we’re still barely making it, so why would I study out of the country and leave all the worries to my mom?! Lately I’ve been hearing my mom cry at night when she’s paying bills, and it truly breaks my heart because she’s my rock and my everything and she’s starting to fall apart. She deserves the world after everything she’s been through, and I really want to give it to her!! She’ll be needing a new vehicle soon (of course with our luck her truck is rusting itself through), and i know very well that my France money could pay for it. I could continue to help out with the bills and the chores at home and make her hard life that much easier; I could just be with her and make MY life easier and happier. </p>

<p>Deep down in my heart, I know we’re teetering on this weird kind of balance, and I know that my going away would probably offset that precarious equilibrium. We’re making it work, and we’re doing it TOGETHER. It’s always been her and I, and we’ve been one heck of a team. </p>

<p>Also, I think about how I felt my first night away at college. I felt so alone and miserable without my mother, and I actually went home the next day. Being away at France would be ten times worse since I can’t just come home for a hug and some homemade pie. </p>

<p>I’m very optimistic that I can make studying abroad work financially, but what about the rest of it?? I’m 19 years-old, and quite honestly, I don’t know if I’m ready to go at it alone. I can’t wait another year because I won’t get the credits that I need in time while pursuing my other major, so it’s really now or never, and it’s something I REALLY want to do and that I dream about. But as of now I still rely heavily on my mom for emotional support, and as for never or forever, who knows if I’ll ever be ready? </p>

<p>Basically, I may resent some of the choices I’ve been forced to make due to my father’s death and family income, but I DON’T resent my mother, and I DON’T want studying abroad or not studying abroad to become just another thing that I should’ve done/shouldn’t have done due to my family circumstances.</p>

<p>Thank you all very much for your time and support on all of this, and I’m sorry if my wave of emotions is uncalled for.</p>

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<p>Is it not all very temporary? And isn’t studying abroad sort of necessary for your future?</p>

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<p>May I offer another perspective on your mother? My oldest leaves for college in 7 weeks. Although she’s been fiercely independent from Day One, I thought I’d be better prepared for her leaving. It absolutely breaks my heart that she’s going away. She’s going out of state, plans to do a semester abroad, and hopes to teach abroad after graduation, so this is only the beginning of her departure, really–I know she won’t be back, not really. her heart will settle elsewhere. As a mom, this is completely devastating to me,.</p>

<p>Yet, I know she must go. This is her life, her path. For her to give up her dreams to to my feelings or financial situation would be completely wrong. </p>

<p>I grew up poor, and have ongoing “money insecurity” issues because of it. My D knows this–I’ll always “feel” poor, even though we do okay. We were having some money issues with her college–her grandmother had promised her money, D chose her college based on that, then Grandma said it wasn’t available. D would have chosen very differently had she known. So, we’re in a bit of a financial pickle. The good news is, I have retirement savings that could make up the shortfall, even though I know this isn’t recommended. I looked at my daughter and said, “When weighing my financial security against your education, it’s not even a close call.” Of course, I then threatened to move in with her in my later years! But my point is, parents have money issues. They cry about a lot of things. It’s painful watching your child leave. But, the point is to raise a strong, confident adult, who learns to work hard and enjoys the benefit of a wide range of experiences. </p>

<p>If you give up your dream to help your mom, it’ll only be a temporary fix on your mother’s current financial and emotional issues. But, you’ll likely lose your study opportunities permanently.</p>

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<p>OP, I would have worried if you had flown away without a care. But now that you’ve committed to this course of action, give it your all. (or as Tony Hawk once said about the key to learning to skateboard:“you have to commit to the trick”)-</p>

<p>Try and think of this as an investment in your futures ---- you will have better job offers, more of them, with more money, than if you stayed at home. That can only help your mom. Yes, you could buy her a truck. But that is not going to help your future prospects, which seem to be the key to more security for you and mom. </p>

<p>will it be hard? absolutely. will it perfect? of course not. Sometimes we have to think with our heads, not with our hearts. Don’t disasterize ! You will get homesick, and momsick…and you will find a way to cope, because you’ll have to. That’s a good life skill at any price. Travel safe</p>

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<p>Harvest moon - I have followed this thread with interest and have been very impressed with your maturity and compassion. You absolutely cannot duplicate the progress you will make in your language studies without immersion. It is understandable to have some anxiety about leaving your mother, but this will come at some point anyway - graduate school, employment, etc. it will be a difficult adjustment at any time. At least this will be short term. And this experience is something that will enrich your education and your life. Can I also suggest another little trick to improve language skills? When I was living in Italy I did simple crossword puzzles, with my dictionary nearby, to improve vocabulary. They also include many clues relating to culture, literature, etc. Many clues are repeated, so after awhile I really improved. You will really know you are fluent when you can’t think of the English word for something! Best of luck to you and I hope you have a wonderful experience. It might be a great opportunity for your mom to grow in independence as well. She might find more confidence in herself if she has you far away for a few months. Good luck.</p>

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<p>As a mom, I would be truly heartbroken if my finances stopped one of my children from pursuing a dream he/she’s worked for/saved for so hard and so long. </p>

<p>Go, Harvest Moon, for your sake and hers. Money troubles come and go in life, but a chance to study abroad may never be an option again. Don’t deny yourself this life-changing/life-enhancing opportunity. You deserve it!</p>

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<p>GO! My D just completed her semester in Angers and went on her own without knowing a single word of French, so everyone has their challenges! </p>

<p>Study abroad is life changing and Angers is a delightful, charming, beautiful city teeming with university students.</p>

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<p>After reading many (but not all) of these posts, I think the healthiest thing you can do for your mom and yourself is to go to France. Although she is suffering right now, you cannot be her emotional support. This isn’t healthy for her, because it gives her a false sense of dependency on you. And you need space to develop good boundaries.</p>

<p>You need to leave for a while so that she can heal and develop other supports for herself, while you’re maturing on your own. There is nothing like being immersed in a foreign culture to help a person grow up quickly.</p>

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<p>It is a bit melodramatic to say you are sacrificing your dream. Life is a long timeline. There is no reason why you cannot go at a later time when you are financially able. You do not have to do it all now. Things happen, financial issues arise. it sounds like you cannot afford it. You should not do what you cannot afford. Taking out a loan for this is not a wise thing to do.</p>