<p>holymomma--Amen!</p>
<p>I remember with one child we finally decided on the very good school that gave excellent money, and we cheerfully sent back his decline to the other, "elite" school with the hand-written notation on the envelope, "Thin Envelope." </p>
<p>You have to understand they were the smarty-pants school that put "Fat Envelope" on the acceptance letters! But if they don't back it up with money, they're just teasing, IMO.
:D</p>
<p>mommusic - funny. Bet it got a big smile from some admissions clerk.</p>
<p>Jo7 -- all of your options are great and you will not be more or less successful in life if you pick Princeton over Duke or Duke over Princeton (assuming those are your choices). Lots of kids will turn down Princeton for something else that "fits" better (my own included), and the same goes for Duke. The cultures at the two schools are different -- which school has the culture you want to be part of? You can go with your gut. Then don't look back.</p>
<p>Here's a new one for y'all</p>
<p>I need to give my S a pep talk re: how mature he really is. </p>
<p>The surprise around here is that the college accepting our S won't let him take a gap year, only a leave of absence. He skipped 11th grade to earn himself the gap year after h.s., and had hoped to gain some age maturity by volunteering in Israel for a year, not to mention resting our pocketbooks for a year after we retire big sister's college tuition bill with graduation May '07. </p>
<p>He had even secured scholarships locally, with more promised from Israel. The year's plan was to volunteer in Israel on kibbutz/ulpan (farmwork + language immersion classes), then volunteer for Magen David Adom, Israel's Red Cross, on ambulance crews; then hike and get strong with a group that uses only Hebrew. He planned it without an American teen program, just plugged into Israeli institutions. </p>
<p>He imagined himself walking onto campus at age l8, not 17 and have these interesting experiences to bring. </p>
<p>At this particular college where he'll go, he just got clarification of policy. There had been a slight misunderstanding: he can do his plan as a "leave of absence" but not a "gap year." But, he MUST do at least a semester there first. I'm sure that some schools have had negative experiences with gap year deferrals; anyway that IS their policy and we've checked it carefully ourselves and don't want to appeal it. It was also too hard to get in (5% admit rate to his program) to ever risk reapplying! We're grateful he got in.</p>
<p>Postponing isn't so terrible, but he feels uncomfortable about breaking up the 4-year uninterrrupted flow of working with the other film students, only 20 in the program. </p>
<p>The status of the local charitable scholarships to get him to Israel is "iffy" once he's no longer a local teen, so it remains to be seen if they'll carry over to future years. I told him there might be new funding sources for college students, and we just don't know of them yet. But with time we'll unearth those, too.</p>
<p>ANYWAY, with all that, he's going to GO to college this coming September. He just feels disappointed to lose the sequence of a great plan he'd put into place. Of all things, he's also worried he might not be mature when he begins as a freshman. I noticed he lost a little ground socially when bumped up to "Senior" this year, so maybe that's what he's projecting forward now. I see him as mature but he's suddenly not so certain of himself.</p>
<p>If anyone has any additional "spin" I can give to help shore up his confidence, please post here. All i could think of so far is that it's a lot harder to do what he'd laid out for himself in Israel than to show up and be a freshman on an American campus. And that once he gets to college, he'll be able to determine if it'd be so bad to interrupt his four-year program with his peer student cohort. Plus we shared the famous BERURAH HUGS...</p>
<p>Many thanks for listening.</p>
<p>Any kid who has organized a trip to Israel like his is certainly mature enough to go to a film program! Perhaps he could just go to Israel for the summer and defer a year-long trip until junior year?<br>
Every school handles these things differently -- and sometimes doesn't adhere to its own policy. My older kid wanted to defer graduate programs for a year, and the school that had a written no-deferral policy turned out to be the one that allowed him to defer, while another school, that had a written deferral policy, offered to put him on the top of the waiting list for the following year... It might be worth trying to work with the administration at your son's school about this.</p>
<p>I badgered WashDadJr into cutting his list to two choices, then he stalled out. A couple of weeks ago I just point-blank asked him, "So which is it?" He gave me the Jr stare for five seconds and named a school. That was it. Since then, he's been sanguine about it. He responds to any mention of other colleges with, "Leave me alone. I already picked." Sometimes, I really like this kid. So, no, waffling hasn't been a real problem.</p>
<p>We are still trying to decide. I just find CC two weeks ago--too bad it was so late--but at least there is a sounding board for this part of the process. My daughter did not get into her top two choices. It was pretty devastating. She was accepted at the four other schools to which she applied. </p>
<p>It's now down to Ohio State (in state with some scholarship money) and Virginia Tech (oos with no scholarship money). She plans to study engineering. Each day she is favoring a different school. Today it's Ohio State.</p>
<p>Like many of you mentioned, I think she is feeling a little bit guilty, upset, or shafted that she received nothing from VT. We are trying to tell her she needs to choose the school that fits her best and we will figure out the money portion of things. She worked so hard for four years . . .wow, I just can't wait for this to be over.</p>
<p>Paying3tuitions, your son sounds amazingly mature! Can he do a short trip to Israel this summer, then resume after the first semester of college? It's too bad the school can't see what a well-thought-out plan he has and accomodate him.</p>
<p>Our S had it down to 2 schools, one with $10k and the other full price. He was truly undecided. He made a 2 page list with 3 columns. In the center he listed traits that mattered to him such as "academic calendar", "sports", "travel", "surrounding neighborhood" "dorms" etc. He listed the details of each trait for college A in the left column and college B in the right. Then he put a check mark next to the trait he preferred (or a dash if it was a draw). He totalled them up - College A won 21 - 13 over college B. After a day or so he realized that his scoring was correct - he felt "right" about the decision for College A. </p>
<p>Anyone whose kid is still up in the air might want to try this method!</p>
<p>WashDad:
[quote]
He responds to any mention of other colleges with, "Leave me alone. I already picked." Sometimes, I really like this kid. So, no, waffling hasn't been a real problem.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I love boys.</p>
<p>My D was actually making herself sick trying to decide. She was upset with herself for not being able to come to a decision, and she couldn't concentrate on her schoolwork. Finally, she pressed me to say where I thought she should go. I refused (it's not ME, after all). She said, "Just tell me where you can SEE me." I gave in & told her where I "saw" her. She actually looked like a weight was lifted from her ... she suddenly brightened and told me that that was where she also saw herself. She signed the form, had me write the check, put it in the envelope, and that was that.</p>
<p>She has since joined the school's facebook & she has received messages from a couple other students with similar interests. She is thrilled not only to have made her decision, but WITH her decision. Her attitude is terrific, and she can't wait for college.</p>
<p>I can empathize with those of you who are experiencing the pain of indecision. I hope your kids will all find the same happiness in their decisions as my D has!</p>
<p>mommusic,
I LOVE the "thin envelope" on the decline! I hope that the admissions person who saw it and got a good laugh -- and hung it on a bulletin board for all to see. The tables are really turned at this time of the year!</p>
<p>S also accepted at about ten schools but the ones he didn't eventually put on the top of the list are the ones who offered money.. We have two more coming along to college in4 and 7 years. He loves USC and really wants to go there but our EFC gives us zero money from the school. UCSD would be cheaper and is a great school but the USC small classes in Computer science and network are not here. We'd also prefer U of Washington but he would have to reapply to Comp Science during sophomore year and all the other schools he is considering start computer science on day one.</p>
<p>paying3tuitions--the D of our friends had the same problem, wanting to spend a yr. in Israel before college. She & her parents talked with the administration, wrote a thoughtful letter, and actually got their policy changed. She is the first student they ever let do the gap year with deferred admission!</p>
<p>My son is having difficulty choosing between Oberlin and Skidmore.
Anyone else have a child with this choice?
Any strong opinions regarding either school?</p>
<p>Someone mentioned facebook. My daughter factored into her choice her impressions of the postings on one school's facebook. She felt that (unnamed) school's posters' comments were rather juvenile, and her ultimate choice school's posts were more insightful, indicating the type of students she preferred. Anyway, I am glad the selection process is over.</p>
<p>Checking out facebook sounds like a good idea. I'd bet most of the kids who end up transferring after freshman year do so for social reasons. May as well see who some of your classmates would be - as THEY present themselves, not as the school presents them in the pretty brochures!</p>
<p>Paying, congrats on having a mensch for a son! You may have already done this, but have you (not just your s) exhausted all possible avenues at his college of choice regarding letting him take a gap year?</p>
<p>A classmate of my s had the same problem--accepted to an Ivy, all set to do a youth group program for a year, and then got flak from the college about deferral. The parents eventually got the school to agree to the gap, but it took some pushing and arm twisting.</p>
<p>IF there's a way you can pursue this further,it could be worth the effort.
Good luck!</p>
<p>Is anyone able to view the Facebook entries?</p>
<p>Anyone who has a Facebook account can view the entries. Some parents get accounts so they can check things out ... others, like me, look on with our kids. The Facebook entries are public, although I think some groups might be private (I'm not up on all of that!). In fact, one young man from a college posted to remind the class of 2011 that everything they post can & IS read by others at the school! It definitely is a good way to get a handle on what is going on ... while it is just a sample, it seems pretty representative.</p>
<p>condolences to all of you going through this.</p>
<p>It was terrible with D1, agonizing all the way to the end like many here. It affected everything about her, and the tension in the house was unbearable.</p>
<p>And then she made the decision, since she had to- and eveything lifted like magic.</p>
<p>This time through, D2 learned a thing or two from D1's entire process, forced herself to do the homework and choose in time for ED. Which she did, and hence no such agony now. Thank goodness.</p>
<p>Clairelisa: You & yours might peruse posts on the CC Oberlin & Skidmore subforums. If this would still be useful at this late date.</p>