I don’t understand why a thank you via text or email is any less acceptable than a handwritten note. A handwritten note is nice but for me, it’s the words not the paper it’s written on or the process of putting a stamp on it and getting it to a mailbox that makes it any better.
Their gift, their thank you, their way. I bet there are a LOT of kids begrudgingly penning thank you notes that aren’t very genuine because someone is looking over their shoulder how they do it.
Reading this thread kind of makes me sad. 
Some of it I think is generational. Older people are less likely to use texts or emails. My parents never did either. So they never would get an email or text thank you.
Many people put thought into the gifts they give. Trying to make it meaningful to the recipient. I don’t think its a bad thing to consider the mode of transport for the thank you from the perspective of that recipient as well (the person who gave the original gift). For some people, receiving a handwritten thank you note means a lot. Even if you think its outdated or unnecessary.
Of course, if someone doesn’t have a cell phone or email you would not thank them that way!
I’m not against wedding thank you’s - at all. I think they should happen in some shape or form.
I think it just depends. I would expect some kind of thank you for a wedding or mailed bday/whatever present. Could be a text/email/note or a phone call. No response is rude.
That being said, we made our kids write thank you notes when they were young for everything. one intro thank you sentence. 3-5 sentences about how they were going to use it and/or what was going on in their lives (for older out of town relatives) and one concluding sentence. Wedding thank-yous I’d expect to be shorter, since you have hundreds to do. I’d also have them regularly send letters to elderly out of town relatives, for no reason except to touch base. When they were really young, they’d mostly draw pictures and scribble what they could. I’d write my own and send them in a big envelop usually with pics.
We’ve talked about what to do lately for birthday/graduation presents now that they are older. To me, it should be a combination based on what the person would likely prefer. And it shouldn’t the exact same thing every time, otherwise it just seems rote and not heartfelt. I know my parents would prefer a phone call, so I have them do that with an occasional written thank you and/or text. For H’s parents a note is best now, since they can’t remember anything anymore.
After many years of no weddings we started again a few years ago with nieces, nephews, friends’ kids and I wasn’t sure how much to gift. I realized when we married we received $ gifts from most guests and most were in very similar amounts - I googled what those amounts were in today’s $ and came up with what we gift family vs friends. Yes, I have heard people talk about covering the plate.
Regarding thank you notes…don’t care if it’s a written note but, in some way, I believe the gift should be acknowledged! Send me an email/text, don’t care but I do want to know you received the gift!
If I spend my time writing a check or buying and wrapping a gift they can send a thank you card.
Presumably people take the likes/preferences of the newly married couple into account when buying gifts? If so, does it not make sense to take the likes/preferences of the person giving the gift in terms of a thank you (and how its presented)? You may not care between card/call/text/email. But what if the gift giver does? Are they wrong for doing so? Its just the interests of the newly married couple that matters?
Well of course to a degree. Grandma who has no cell or email looks forward to the daily
Mail and displays all her cards? If you know this it would be nice to consider this. But if your parents invited all these work buds to the tune of 25 guests - what to do? Who knows what they prefer? Maybe they prefer no trees harmed in the thank you process - but you won’t know.
It’s not an all or nothing much of the Time.
I give a gift with pleasure and good hope. I personally am not going to think less of someone who doesn’t tailor the thank you process . My expectations are chill.
My nephew is getting married and it’s very chill. The invites were texted to the parents and they forwarded them to relatives. No gifts please.
I’m perfectly happy, one that we were invited to this micro wedding and two, it’s very them. They get to have the wedding they want.
My mil on the other hand has been in a tizzy. She refuses to use any computer, or texts and turns her cell phone on when she wants to make a call. Her son, the father of the groom lives less than a mile away and calls or visits everyday.
But instead she calls me to ask me the information on the wedding and complains that she knows nothing. Except that she does and my bil could and may have texted the invite to my fil’s phone.
It’s mind boggling.
I’m meh on thank you notes. They are fine for other people but I’m not worried about it.
I don’t think I’ve spent much time buying or wrapping gifts recently. Go to the couples website. 2 clicks on “Registry” section. Done. Most also permit a money gift so no writing checks either. So being honest it just takes me almost no time or energy to send a gift. Like literally under a minute.
I can’t believe how much effort many parents are making to dismiss the value of writing an actual thank you note, on paper, addressing an envelope, finding a stamp and actually putting it in a post office.
I guess it’s just another sign that we just don’t value manners anymore. It’s just too onerous to have to make an effort to acknowledge a kind gesture on the part of the gift giver.
I’m sure I’ll be ridiculed for saying this but it makes me genuinely sad.
Yeah, very easy to just send something on the registry. We even sent things to son and wife from the registry for his wedding last month. And got a nice written thank you note!
But,I don’t really care in general about a formal thank you note. I just like to know something I’ve sent has been received.
It’s ok to have a different perspective.
Isn’t picking up the phone and saying thanks good manners?
Or sending a thank you text and maybe attaching a photo of the item in use?
To me good manners is a genuine gesture, not a forced one done in obligation.
Which full circle, like the title of this thread, sort of takes the air out of the tires of a wedding gift is just based on the meal served instead of a gift selected with the person/relationship in mind.
There are people with absolutely no sense of propriety - for our wedding, literally half of DH’s extended family (from both his parents) did not return stamped RSVP - so we had to ‘guess’ who might or might now come (thank goodness we did not need an exact count for the dinner reception). We invited aunts/uncles/first cousins; one first cousin we recently met up with (who is a year older than DH) - he was an adult living at his parents’ home and was not even told about the wedding invitation (they lived an hour away from the wedding/reception) - no idea why the parents chose not to attend, did not send back the RSVP card saying regrets, nor even sent a wedding card. Cannot blame it on the mail, that they did not receive the invite.
Yes, picking up the phone and saying thanks is good manners. So is sending a text or email. The problem I have is that it’s doing the bare minimum. It’s submitting C+ (and I think that’s being generous) work when a small amount of additional effort would be worthy of an A.
I have kept a number of thank you notes I’ve received over the years because they are sweet and lovely reminders of the people (some of them children) who wrote them. People who actually showed that however minor the gift was, they wanted to express sincere appreciation in their own words, in their own unique style. I suppose I could save texts or emails too but somehow they are more easily forgotten and discarded than tangible notes in the writer’s own hand. Like handwritten letters, they just matter more.
Handwritten notes matter to you, not to everyone.
Some have included photos of us or event or the gift item in the thank you note. To be honest, I’m just not motivated to gift people who don’t even acknowledge my gift in any way, including my niece in SF. It’s too bad but really if they can’t bother to at least write a text or something, obviously they don’t seem to care.
Thank you notes/texts/calls matter to some people but not to everyone.
The couple whose wedding celebration we will attend in Montreal are not asking for any gifts. They stated that their guests’ presence will be their best gift. The cost of attendance for the guests will be high given most of the guests are from the US. The couple are throwing a lavish celebration with 2 formal receptions, one a Sangeet as the groom is of Indian descent. Both are associates working in Big Law.