H and I grew up in the midwest and I never heard of “cover the plate” until a prior discussion here on cc.
That said when D was married several years ago we had no expectations of anyone doing that. We just wanted everyone to have a good time.
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I didn’t get married until I was in my thirties. We registered for pots and pans and towels and other typical home stuff. Everyone just assumed because we were in our thirties that we already had these these things. We DID NOT! We didn’t get a single pot or pan and even today I’ve never had nice cookware. Our college towels were thinned and fraying but no one wanted to buy us towels. A good friend apologized for a utensil set that they bought us because they thought it was boring and repetitive, we still use that set today, 25 years later.
PLEASE don’t assume because they are older they have all of these things.
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Exactly! Use the registry! It’s not rocket science.
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And registries are the gift list that keeps on giving … Stuck on an idea for Christmas or birthday? Go back to the wedding registry!
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Kids aren’t typically invited to weddings here, my 25 and 24 year olds just attended their first weddings (besides my sister’s destination wedding when they were 2 and 4, ring bearer and flower girl, they went to a sitter for the reception).
Well there is a difference too! Certainly kids are invited to all weddings but have been to plenty of weddings where like 10 and up have been in attendance.
My D’s friends are just now getting married. They’re in their early 30s. She’s been to 3 weddings in HI plus has another in LA and then a cousin getting married in HI. She’s had to fly to HI twice and will fly back down in November for the cousin’s wedding. At least we are able to provide lodging and food, reducing her expenses. She asks her friends what appropriate gifts are. She’s attended some prior weddings to help with older sister of the bride. We got invited to one of those weddings as well, as well as the one I officiated at that was her friend if 20 years.
S has been to quite a few weddings and haws traveled to them, including FL and neighbor islands from DC. Not sure how many weddings he’s attended. He’s in mid-30s.
This post is all about knowing where the writer is from even before the yinz. It made me smile. I haven’t been to a wedding with a dollar dance or cookie table since I left home.
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Funny the differences. We had a dollar dance, and I didn’t think and still don’t think they are any kind of money grab. I mean, it’s literally a dollar. I think of it as a chance to get alone time with the bride and/or groom. The girl cousins often danced with the bride just to get face time because we have huge weddings and quality face time can be difficult to come by. But after being on cc for too many years at this point I learned that people seem offended by them and misconstrue the intent, at least MY intent. Ds1 didn’t have one at his wedding, and I didn’t dare suggest it.
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We had no dollar dance at our wedding and have not been to many places where that occurs. We did have Chinese tea pouring ceremony between wedding and reception.
I’ve never even heard of a dollar dance before this thread. Definitely learning new things!
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What I love about weddings is all the different traditions - we have been to big Italian weddings in the East coast where the bride carried a purse and you deposited a check in her purse - no gift registry, we have been to two LDS/Morman weddings where you don’t attend the service (unless you are LDS) and it was a simple dessert tables on a hall - both weddings the bridesmaids or family unwrapped all the gifts as the guests entered and displayed them for all to see. Money dance when I was young and can’t remember much except it was fun. Something on my memory remembers a money tree where you clipped cash ? Taiwanese weddings with more food than anyone could eat and stage entertainment.
We always gift similar no matter the style - it seems like we have landed on $250 for the 2 of us - with weddings not common until our kids, cousins start it all again.
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We called those white sayin purses “tacky bags” and they were very common, the couple went from table to table to greet guests and get the envelopes. It would be easier to combine the tradition with the receiving line.
I’d never heard of yinz. Just looked it up – Western PA. I’m from Philly, but all we’ve got is “youse guys”
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Oh my. We went to a wedding in Taiwan and by the time fourth course was brought in, we were stuffed. Never seen so much food at any event! 
The food kept coming…
Well, how we do it is there’s a slowish song where people pin a dollar (pins provided) to the dress/jacket of the couple and you get 30ish seconds of dance time with the bride or groom. You pin one dollar to the previous dollar so it makes a train. Totally silly and fun and they get a little spending money for the honeymoon. I found this link on The Knot.
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[quote=“thumper1, post:50, topic:3612208”]
The invitations say “no boxed gifts, please”….[/quote]
Is this the politically correct way to ask for money? If not this way, how do you ask for money instead of gifts?
A dollar dance would be this introverts NIGHTMARE. Make me dance and make small talk with lots of people? - that’s a NO!!!
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You don’t. It’s long been considered rude to ask for gifts for any reason, at least in my experience and in the world of Miss Manners/Emily Post. You surely don’t specify what type of gifts you’ll accept. Anything received should be greeted with gratitude and appreciation.
Sorry if this comes across as abrupt, but lately I’ve had my fill of entitled people among my extended family.
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When we got married, we did not register for formal china. Several of my mom’s friends told her that since we didn’t do that, they assumed we wanted cash (tone, I always understood, was a bit snooty). My response at the time was we were in an apartment with no formal dining room and we were not (and are not today) formal people. So if they wanted to buy us dinnerware that we would store under a bed for at least ten years (and possibly forever) they could do that. And at the time, we needed furniture. We had hand me down/miss matched furniture from several decades. That we used every day. Was up to them. They gave us cash and we still 30 years later don’t have formal china.
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