<p>I am in a strange place as a dad and I need to ask for advice. My oldest son, best friend, and source of tremendous pride has been accepted at Skidmore and is starting his freshman year at London. The problem is I teach at his school (a small country school) and he has been a huge part of my everyday life, both in and out of the classroom and basketball court. He is the happiest kid in the school, especially this year and at 6'5" has become the anti-bully that young kids turn to for help when they feel threatened by older students. It is so funny to see them just standing by my son knowing they are safe. My problem is I am finding myself becoming sad thinking about the day he is not here. I know Skidmore is the place he wants to be and we are so thrilled because we want him there. I just feel guilty with this proud but weepy feeling and wonder if I am alone or if there are other dads out there who happily changed diapers, went to doctor appointments, coached them and took an active roll in the college search process? Tell me I am not alone and/or crazy!</p>
<p>I’m a mom, so can’t help. Just want to commend your S for this:</p>
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<p>Your situation is one in which all involved, proud parents – moms and dads-- experience when their beloved kids go off to college.</p>
<p>Moms, however, tend to talk about this more than dads probably because dads so often just aren’t in touch with their feelings or don’t know how to express them.</p>
<p>Take the time this summer to learn to let go. You’ll more than likely want to spend extra time with your son, but there’s a good chance that he’ll be so eager to start his new life and enjoy his last weeks of being able to spend lots of time with his high school friends that you won’t see him as often as you’d like. If this happens, don’t take this as a personal rejection, and don’t lay on guilt trips to try to get him to spend every free moment with you.</p>
<p>Treasure the time that you do get together, and start looking for things to enjoy in your expanding free time. Since you’ve enjoyed parenting, I bet you would be a wonderful mentor through a program like Big Brother. There also probably are former hobbies that you’ve put on the shelf for lack of time. Shortly, you’ll have the time again, so consider renewing those hobbies.</p>
<p>Hugs to you.</p>
<p>Welcome to the club! It is one of the weirdest feelings, and I don’t know if it is one that will ever go away. We (I agree, moms and dads-- I’m a mom of a current first-year) are so very proud of all their accomplishments, and that is such a happy feeling. But they are leaving us, and a big part of our job as parents is, indeed, over. (The new job of being a parent to an emerging adult changes into something quite wondrous, though, and that is very good!) So that is such a sad feeling. I believe we will feel these two emotions forever. Each time my D leaves to go back to school, I have cried. My H asks me, very gently, if I am sad. I always answer that, no, I am not sad. It just hurts. It is a true and real physical ripping away, each time the door closes for a few weeks. However, it is the natural order of things. This is meant to happen, and we knew it was coming, for 18 or so years. That probably doesn’t make it any better! We will not ever stop feeling happy/sad, but I am hoping, and I truly believe that we will all get used to it and it will get better.</p>
<p>Mars vs. Venus - wouldn’t you know it is the moms who show up here in droves, lol?</p>
<p>But jollymon, I specifically remember a very very similar post from a dad a couple of years back. I’m sure there have been more, but that one stayed with me. Unfortunately, the screen name didn’t. But I will try to come up with a clue and post the thread for you. You are not alone, among parents, nor even among the testosterone half.</p>
<p>You will miss him, to be sure. But you will receive new pleasures in watching him blossom in different ways, even if not within your daily reach.</p>
<p>I think some dads feel they have to hold it together because their wives are falling apart, but they feel that very same mix of pride and sadness. You may feel it especially so because of your close relationship. It sounds like your son has grown to be your very good friend, and such a wonderful source of pride. That’s a lot to miss! If he chooses, he will make a wonderful father and husband someday!</p>
<p>Mom of a first year–totally happy for my son and of course missing him every hour of every day. OP, if your son has found a good fit–and it sounds like he has–you will, I hope, feel so much joy for him that it will drown out some of your sorrow. I keep reminding myself that there are people all around me who have lost their kids to an early death or who are keeping their kids with them due to disability or other issues. Sending off our kids to a happy fulfilling college life is a huge privelege…but, yeah, sometimes it hurts.</p>
<p>My husband went through the same feelings two years ago when our son left for college. He cried a lot when we left him in Boston, it was very hard for him to accept that he was leaving home for a great part of the year. As these two years went by, he got used to the idea of not having his best friend around, he always counts the days when he is coming home for holidays and breaks. It is a very special time for both of them.<br>
As he started seeing our son so happy and growing into a mature young man he saw the distance as something good. S is very close to him, they talk almost everyday on the phone, they both call each other and talk about water polo games and swimming since S is a swimmer and a water polo player at his school. My husband makes time to go to his games whenever in Boston in business even though we live in Fl. Enjoy the time left with him and think about the great world that he will find out there.</p>
<p>you sound just like my DH but he won’t say it.</p>
<p>Here’s what you do. Tell him what you told us and ask him to find a place for you in his new life. I had the same worries last year when my daughter made her plans, and I told her exactly how I felt. She has been amazing at keeping in touch and including me in ways both big and small. It makes me so proud to see in so many ways how much I mean to her and to know the effort she puts into respecting my feelings. Sounds like your wonderful son would make that same effort. Congratulations to you!</p>
<p>transitions are difficult no matter if they are eagerly anticipated or not.
For some of us, even transitions like coming home everyday are difficult.</p>
<p>Something that is helpful is to keep a journal. It sounds simple- but it makes a huge impact.
If you don’t want the publisher to be out of your control, don’t put it on myspace.
But it can be a place where you voice things that you are feeling and it will be helpful to look back at the happy times, when you are going through tough ones, and when you are happy, to look back at the sad times, to see how things evolve.
( It can make a great resource for your great grandkids, when you don’t remember anything too)</p>
<p>My husband too is already close to being a wreck. He had a really hard time leaving her at an admitted students overnight. I dread seeing him in August when we leave her.</p>
<p>I think it is almost harder for my hubby, because I was a stay at home Mom and got to spend so much time with our son. Because of his job and, in later years, taking care of aging parents, hubby had less time with him. But we can still visit and he still comes home.</p>
<p>jollymon, I can relate. My daughter attended the small high school where I teach, and it hit me hard when she left for a college six time zones away, because it seemed like a triple loss–she was no longer at home, no longer popping into my classroom, and her fabulous group of friends all went their separate ways as well. They were really an amazing bunch of kids, and any of my colleagues would say that they added a wonderful enthusiasm and excitement to our school that is missing without them. Almost all of them came back for Christmas, and it was great. All I can say is that I eventually got used to it, and there are actually some things about the empty nest that I like. And daughter is happy, happy, happy, excited about the things she is learning and the friends she is making. It was time for her to move to the next phase of her life, and she was ready for it even if I wasn’t quite ready when it happened.</p>
<p>Thanks to all who have replied, you don’t know how much it means to me. He is a huge source of pride for me. I will also miss him and his friends spending time in my room at school. He has a younger brother and sister who also look up to him, in fact, younger brother (a junior) has already met the Skidmore basketball coach and wants to follow big brother next year. I just find myself getting a little misty at the thought of him in London and not out in the hallway with his huge smile. Again, thanks to all who wrote, I really thought I was going a bit crazy, but maybe I am just going through what every other dad is going through.</p>
<p>unfortunately, it does not end with freshman year.</p>
<p>Went through the same thing 3.5 years ago when D started college. Then, she decided to go to Bolivia last summer. You can’t imagine how sad it was knowing she would be that far away and how hard and expensive it would be to communicate. (then we discovered Skype and Google Chat, but that’s another story). We decided to spend our vacation in Bolivia, meeting up with D and had probably the most fun two weeks ever. And it was great watching her take charge.</p>
<p>But then, last fall, the next blow struck. In novembe, she won a major scholarship that will take her to England for two years. It was a happy/sad moment - happy for the win, sad for the distance.</p>
<p>And yes, I have always been heavily involved - attending most of her soccer/tennis games in HS (leaving work early!), speaking frequently with her in college. Even now, as we speak, I’m editing her senior thesis first draft for typos etc. </p>
<p>When you have a kid who cares, who involves the parents, I guess it is never easy.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>I just got a call from D. She’s got to take 3 more days from the tiny piece of time we have left with her at our home. I’m really down about it.</p>
<p>It’s a replay of sending them off to kindergarten but much much harder.</p>
<p>And as necessary.</p>
<p>And we get used to that little hole in our hearts and take immense pleasure in their progress and accomplishments.</p>
<p>Hang in there. It really does get better bit by bit. But at first it is pretty darn difficult.</p>
<p>One day at a time, now. That’s what I tell myself. Sometimes it helps.</p>
<p>you are experiencing the same thing my H did when our S left for college last fall. Everyone assumed that ole Mom here would fall apart, but I was so busy trying to get everything done that by the time he moved to campus I was exhausted. H on the other hand realized that his best buddy was no longer around on a daily basis. They would do guy stuff, go to Best Buy for no reason, his golf balls, or even watch TV. The first few weeks were tough for him, but now he looks forward to the breaks and the upcoming summer months when he will be home</p>