<p>I just rescued my cat who was stuck in a tree about 2 hours ago. It was probably the most exciting and scary 15 minutes of my life. It was a pretty tall tree, about 45 feet tall. He got chased up to the top branch by the neighbor's (dumbass) dog. We didn't have a ladder, and my mom didn't want to call 911 cause she didn't want to "cause a scene with the neighbors" (whatever). </p>
<p>So basically my parents just went to bed with our cat still stuck up there (shame on them). I was thinking, if I was somehow stuck somewhere, I'd definitely want people to come rescue me, and not just sleep until the morning to see if I was still alive. I don't even particularly like the cat either, but he is still family... so I started googling how to get cats out of trees on the Internet and came across some dude's advice that was like, "Don't EVER leave your cat on a tree overnight. Owls and eagles will peck its brains out". So I was like, OMG, I totally have to get Jimmy (my cat's name) out of that tree. So I wrapped my legs and arms around the main trunk and just kind of humped my way up there (I don't know how else to describe it... I'm like 6'1 235lbs, I don't exactly climb trees ever).</p>
<p>It took like 10 minutes to get all the way up to a little nook on the highest branch (a couple rest breaks in between). And then I realized I had no way of getting the cat down. So we were both stuck up there together... it was pitch black, dead of night, I'm scared of heights, I'm stuck 45 feet in the air, nobody around, Jimmy meowing and looking at me like, "What are we gonna do?" I was like " Aw ****, epic fail. I'm such an idiot". But then I thought up of a pretty clever plan, I must admit haha. I took off my sweatshirt, t-shirt, and sweatpants (so basically I'm in my underwear now) and tied them together, and then wrapped them around my cat's belly (he was behaving really well for such a stressful situation) as tightly as I could. Then I lowered the clothes "rope" down slowly, and then when it could be lowered no further, I dropped the rope with Jimmy tied to the end (so he only fell about 15 feet or so). He fell to the ground and abruptly dashed back into the house.</p>
<p>So then I began my journey down the tree, using the same humping technique as before. Except this time, I was naked and had nothing covering my skin from the bark. About 2/3 of the way down, the bark that I was holding on to came loose, and I lost my bear hug grip on the tree, so I fell about 15 feet to the ground and popped my shoulder out (my dad would later just pop it back in). My neighbor came out to see what was all the commotion, and he sees me standing there in my underwear, bruises and gashes all over my chest and groin, and body covered in mud. I did a Tiger Woods fist pump, then nonchalantly walked past him back into the house, called up all my friends and bragged to them about how I just rescued a kitty.</p>
<p>The End (The cat is fine btw. He's actually snoring away on my bed right now.) Good night. I hope you enjoyed my story.</p>