Am I in the right or in the wrong? My roommate and I used to be close but we have a little bit of history so we’re no longer friends. We don’t talk to each other anymore except when we ask each other to take the trash out or something. Anyway, since I’m from California and I go to school in Philadelphia, a lot of my friends are in California so I tend to chat with them later at night, usually past midnight. My roommate has complained to me several times that I’m being too loud at night and it’s keeping him up. However, I don’t think I’m being completely unreasonable. I do take his comments in consideration and have made several efforts to quiet down. In fact, I speak in a whisper, a super soft voice when I talk to my friends. I’ve suggested to my roommate that he should consider getting earplugs but he told me they fall out. I suggested getting a noise cancellation headband to wear at night, which he totally ignored. The biggest issue I see with this is that my roommate is completely unwilling to compromise and since we do live in a shared space, there has to be some kind of compromise. He wants complete silence when he goes to bed, which is quite impossible since we run on different schedules. I’ve done my part to help him sleep better, I’ve turned the lights off (and risked damaging eyes looking at my device at night). I speak in a soft voice (I’m not blatantly loud or anything and I’m not talking consistently). Yet the only thing he does is complain about how I keep him up at night, and I think he uses me as a scapegoat when he wakes up tired or something. What can I do in this situation?
He wants complete silence when he goes to bed, which is quite impossible since we run on different schedules
go outside to talk on the phone!
geez…
I would, except I am using google hangout on a desktop.
Your roommate wants you to be quiet in the room after midnight. Not unreasonable at all. To answer your question yes you are 100% completely wrong.
Okay, so my roommate is extremely loud in the morning, especially when he’s getting ready. I’ve noticed he slams the door when he says leaving or he drops his heavy keys on his desk, but basically he’s super loud in the morning and it wakes me up. Now I’d be fine with complete silence at night, if he was completely silent in the morning.
Maybe he’s being loud in the morning to show his strong irritation at not being able to sleep at night. Not the most mature approach, but not unexpected given that he has tried to communicate directly to no avail. You need to change, and then maybe you would have a case about his noisiness in the morning…however, the reality for most people is that nighttime is for sleeping and morning for getting up and getting busy.
I would tend to agree with you if he wanted complete silence before, say 11 PM, but wanting silence after midnight most days is…healthy and normal. No way I could sleep with someone whispering, and I wouldn’t want to wear headphones or earbuds every night. I’d wear them if I wanted to nap during the day or go to bed early while my roommate was doing stuff. I’d wear them late at night on occasion if a roommate had a big work project to complete, but I wouldn’t wear them so roommate could yammer away into the AM hours with friends on a regular basis. It’s not his fault your friends are in California. Night is for quiet and for sleeping. Go to a lounge with your phone if you have to. Work to buy a portable laptop you can take out of the room. Or ask California friends to talk to you at 7PM Pacific time. Roommate shouldn’t have to accommodate this.
Don’t let this turn into a spiteful situation. You speaking to your friends super late at night and his banging around in the morning isn’t helping and both of you should cut it out. It sounds like you’re just on 2 different schedules. Try to compromise for the rest of the semester and look for more compatible roommates for next year.
Can you get Google Hangouts on a laptop? If not, can you compromise on which nights you hang out with them? Or make your chats a little earlier?
Thanks for the great advice. To clarify, I don’t talk every single night, it’s just on an occasional basis, maybe once or twice a week. This doesn’t justify my behavior but it’s not the most unreasonable thing in the world, in my opinion.
My roommate is jus the type of person who complains about every single little thing that doesn’t live up to his standard of living. He’s just extremely particular about the way things should be (and he’s not OCD (not trying to be insensitive to anyone who is)). The way I try and understand it is that he’s an only child, so that he’s not used to living with another person. However, I have warned him several times that him living with me isn’t the best idea ever. His previous roommate also slept late and was a heavy sleeper, and he did complain to me severa times how he can’t get enough sleep because of his past roommate.
I’ve done all that I can to try and remedy my snoring: I’ve gotten nasal canals that help me breathe better at night; I’ve also gotten nasal strips too - and these things aren’t cheap. It’s just I do so much to help him on his part, but the only thing is he constantly complains about how I was being a little bit too loud one night - that’s what’s driving me crazy. I’ve given him suggestions to compromise but he’s so unwilling it’s pretty irritating.
OK, I get a better picture now…but I don’t think there’s much you can do about it now…you two just aren’t very compatible. But there’s not too much left of the year, right? I think it’s time to grin and bear it and get a more easy-going roommate next year…and maybe compromise by making your calls a little before midnight?
t
What’s the alternative? It’s April, finals are coming up, you need to keep the room quiet after midnight. Give up your chatting with friends entirely. Pretend you are going to school in the dark ages (like 1980) when there was a hall phone and no one talked on it after 9 pm.
Why can’t you wear earplugs or a head band in the morning if the noise bothers you?
EVERYONE needs enough sleep in order to function.
So for the next 2 months, respect your roommates need for sleep, talk with your friends OUTSIDE the room and end those conversations before 10Pm, and get another roommate for next year.
Both of you will live and do well on finals.
When you say this: “However, I have warned him several times that him living with me isn’t the best idea ever.”… what exactly do you expect him to do but agree? Is he supposed to shell out extra money for a single because, as you admit, he got a less than desirable roommate?
Is there any real reason that you can’t go to a lounge to chat with your friends 3 timezones away? He obviously needs to be in the room to sleep; you could easily do what you’re doing elsewhere.
It seems to me that he’s the one who should have written the post about having a roommate who is unwilling to compromise.
Sorry…you are in the wrong Rooms are for sleeping past midnight. He can’t sleep at another time…you can skype at another time. You need to either go out in the lounge or skype earlier.
I know there’s a huge time zone difference, but they have google apps for phones. You don’t have to use your desktop. Go somewhere else.
Next year room with someone who keeps a similar schedule.
Hopefully if you start respecting roommate’s need to sleep at night he will start respecting your need to sleep in the mornings. If he doesn’t, you at least have some ground to stand on if you stop keeping him up all night.
What lol? No, you are completely in the wrong here. It is absolutely ridiculous for you to throw a fit and expect your roommate to be ok with you making noise in the room late at night. You can easily go outside the room to talk; he can only sleep in the room. You’re the one not willing to compromise
Your roommate being a only child, his problem with previous roommate, or his loud noise don’t justify that you want to speak to your friends pass the mid-night, disturbing his sleep. Maybe you’re the one being accommodated for all your life until now.
Is there a lounge? A library you can go to? Anywhere but your room?