<p>Exactly. My problem is that I was too kind, very responsible, and always helped out other students, if they asked me. </p>
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<p>But frankly speaking, I really haven’t met that many students yet. The few guys that I know are students who I met and talked after the lecture. Some people advice joining organizations, but I am not really sure. When everyone around parties hard and has fun, I don’t really have any motivation to join boring organizations that won’t involve any of that.</p>
<p>Here is a suggestion from someone who is shy and reserved. Try going to some of these organizations’ meetings. You say you don’t want to party, but you also say you don’t have the motivation to join boring groups that don’t party. Which is it? Are you afraid that they will be boring or do you think THEY believe they need to party?</p>
<p>There are any number of organizations that do not include partying but still manage to have fun. Join ones that cater to the interests you have, whether engineering or fitness. Join a group that’s religion-based, if you are religious. My D is very involved in her church-not just for the services, but for the many friends she has there. They have social events that are family-friendly all the time and she attends many of them. Join a group that involves something you’ve always wanted to try but never got around to it. Gosh, there are just so many options.</p>
<p>A word of caution though. Don’t go into any of these acting like you’re the best thing that ever happened to them because you’re so smart, stable and moral. Be nice. Listen to what OTHERS are saying. Offer suggestions. Volunteer to help set up, provide a snack, whatever. If you act like you want to be there and not like your expectations will be dashed, you might find yourself having fun. That’s allowed in college. Really.</p>
<p>I think the poster from TTU is derailing this thread. I also think he might be a ■■■■■, but either way, we are getting away from the OP question.</p>
<p>No I haven’t. What do you know, they have linguistics and comp sci. It looks very interesting, although they don’t say specifically whether or not dorms are co-ed. Still, they do seem to be serious about maintaining a Christian environment.</p>
<p>We will keep it in mind although frankly, with my son being a NM Semifinalist (and presumably a Finalist when the time comes) we will probably go for one of the schools that gives full rides. With the debt we have already incurred for my older son, we can’t afford to pass on that. </p>
<p>Fillius, it seems that the religious schools are not a good financial or academic fit for your son. Unless he attends one of them, he is going to be in a small minority of students where his particular housing needs are not likely to be accomodated.
It’s also apparent that your son must have internalized his religious values and that they will likely be challenged in a college enviromnent. It matters less what his room mate does, than what he chooses to do, although I agree it would be nice for him to at least have an environment that is supportive.
One suggestion would be for him to apply to the colleges that best fit his academic and financial situation and that also have a Catholic community where he can have a peer group and observe his religion.
When you have an idea where to attend, then look closer at the religious communities, dormitory options, clubs for Catholic students and so on. Discuss your concerns with the priest. He may know another student like your son who needs a room mate and even a community of students who support similar values. Lastly, many colleges have a room mate search and match options, and he can post his information and hopefully find a room mate who is seeking the same, or a single room as as suggested.</p>
<p>Filius, I am curious about a couple things. Are you/your S concerned about girls in the rooms in general even when there is no romantic intent? Is your S concerned about romantic activities that may happen in the room even when he is not present? </p>
<p>I guess I am trying to guage the concern. My D is a freshman and she has many boys that are friends and from what she tells me and what I remember from freshman year, many of the kids hang in large groups of boys/girls and are not necessarily romantic. Is that a concern? Or is the concern just with physical activity? </p>
<p>Also, does your S feel uncomfortable is physical activity happened in the room while he was in class or studying? </p>
<p>I honestly think he will be able to make a reasonable roommate agreement as long as he focuses on the precise behavior that is not comfortable with him. </p>
<p>In a secular school, no girls in the room at all, may be a bit dramatic since men and women in the dorms are often non-romantic friends and may study, watch movies, and just talk. But establishing a policy of no overnight guests at all for either may be okay with some (probably not all). </p>
<p>Also, when looking at colleges, you should also try to see if they have Learning Communities in the dorms- often centered on a theme. Often the partiers self-select out of these dorms. </p>
<p>Also, my D is in a mixed gender dorm and has spoken of friends that are very Christian and do not date or party. I think kids are so accepting of differences that we end up worrying more than they do. They accept the difference and move on.</p>
<p>OP, I was just remembering that my Big 10 campus (illinois) had a Newman House which catered to Catholic students. It was a private but university approved dormitory. I believe they are present on a lot of campuses. Don’t know anything about them or their status today though.</p>
<p>Maybe that is something that you could look in to.</p>
<p>“Are you/your S concerned about girls in the rooms in general even when there is no romantic intent? Is your S concerned about romantic activities that may happen in the room even when he is not present?”</p>
<p>The short answer is he doesn’t want girls in his dorm room even if it’s not romantic, and he would feel creeped out if he knew his roommate was having sex in the room even if it’s only while he’s out. Of course he doesn’t mind boys and girls hanging out together in common areas. Of course people of opposite sexes can do things together in dorm rooms that are harmless. He would not judge his friends for doing those kinds of things. He would just rather have his own room be a guy place.</p>
<p>I’ve heard about Newman Hall at Illinois. There are only three of those in the whole country, and of course two of them are at schools that don’t have a linguistics major. But Illinois is on our list for that reason. Thanks.</p>
<p>I would suggest that you research the dorm rather than college. In reality, my university is known as a huge party school; there are many dorms on campus. For example, there is one dorm in my university that has a horrible reputation (weed, alcohol, drugs, etc). But I chose the best one (it was a newly built dorm), and it was pretty quiet and isolated. In 9 months that I lived there, I personally never heard anyone yell, turn on music, and etc. It more looked like a hotel, rather than a dorm, IMHO. As far as I remember, overnight visitors of opposite gender were prohibited completely, even if roommates are okay with it.</p>
<p>I am curious as to why he wouldn’t want any girls in his room ever for any reason. Why would that be different than having male friends over to study or work on a project or watch a movie or game?</p>
<p>@boysx3:
I’m not answering for filius here but for me it’s awkward to have a girl in the room. Just make me completely uncomfortable. However two girls is different to me for some reasons. Just a different feels. And no it wouldn’t be like having a dude over playing game or just study.</p>
<p>Edit: Glad to see guyfor posted something smart for once.</p>
Or to put it another way … he doesn’t want his roommate to be able to have some of his plutonic friends over in his (the roommate’s) living room. I can’t think of a housing situation in a secular environment where this is a reasonable request. </p>
<p>PS - the sexual partners discussion is a whole other discussion</p>
<p>filius1 has said things about his son that have been portrayed by others as unusual or not acceptable. When put simply - he doesn’t want girls in his bedroom - I don’t think it sounds all that outrageous. Yes the issue is that if he lives in a regular dorm room with a roommate his desires will likely not be met. My point was that not wanting people in your bedroom is not really that unusual and in most housing situations it would not be a problems as most of us have separate living and sleeping spaces.</p>
<p>Okay, sorry to get the thread a bit off track, but </p>
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<p>What?? Live with you? The entire thread is about same-sex dorms but now you want a girl to move in with you? You have got to be a ■■■■■. Either that or you have never met a person, ever. I’m definitely religious, I’m double-majoring in three years with Phi Beta Kappa, and I have a boyfriend (who sleeps in my room) (sometimes we drink) (sometimes we even go to parties). We’re both in the “very religious crowd” at school and our friends are all the same way.</p>
<p>3togo. I agree which is why I asked the specifics his son would object to. I thin a dorm room is more than a bedroom. It is a students while house- study, socialize, movies, it all happens in the dorm room. kids are pretty flexible but I think finding a roommate who will agree no girls at all in the room would be pretty challenging.</p>
<p>I think it more depends on a person. For example, when I first talked to my roommate over Facebook,he was the first one who said that he doesn’t like students who bring girls to the dorm room; and he asked if I share the same viewpoint. I was like “hell, yeah, I don’t like it either” and he was like “perfect, great”.</p>
<p>P.S. Actually we both ended up bring some girls to our dorm, but it was only because we had a group project. Me personally, as long as conversation is not about romance, it doesn’t bother me at all.</p>
<p>“My point was that not wanting people in your bedroom is not really that unusual and in most housing situations it would not be a problems as most of us have separate living and sleeping spaces.” </p>
<p>But a dorm is not like most housing situations in that regard. </p>
<p>If I lived in an apartment with a roommate and we had our own bedrooms, it would be very odd for my roommate’s friends to hang out in my bedroom. It would be odd even if they were not of the opposite sex. </p>
<p>On the other hand, it would be very odd for me to tell an apartment roommate that she could not invite friends over to our apartment ever.</p>