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<p>No, I think you have to talk about those things first. It was part of a “Roommate Agreement”," in my dorm at least. It was even an official document on paper, where we checked and unchecked certain parts.</p>
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<p>I think the biggest chance is if the roommate comes home completely drunk. I have actually seen that happened to one of my friends. As far as I remember he intervened and called RA. </p>
<p>A few in a right state of mind would do that, IMHO.</p>
<p>Boysx3:</p>
<p>"I am curious as to why he wouldn’t want any girls in his room ever for any reason. Why would that be different than having male friends over to study or work on a project or watch a movie or game? "</p>
<p>Well, there are a lot of aspects to it. Maybe the simplest way to explain it is that it’s a cultural thing among conservative, tradition-minded Catholics. A dorm room is basically a bedroom, and a gentleman doesn’t invite a woman to his bedroom. It’s only in the past 40-50 years that that has changed (was it necessarily a change for the better?).</p>
<p>My son goes to a conservative Catholic school and that’s the predominant culture: No skirts above the knees, no makeup, no long hair for boys, etc. It’s old-fashioned but it works. Our kids stay out of trouble and they’re happy. They had gone to a different school for grade school, one without the strict atmosphere, and they were miserable. As soon as they switched to my son’s current school, suddenly they no longer hated going to school. It may be hard to believe but it’s true. And it’s because the kids there are nice: they’re respectful to adults and kind to one another. In short, being good is valued; there is peer pressure to be good. And being good makes you happy. </p>
<p>We gave my older son the option of going to the local community college for two years and then transferring to a state university, but he insisted on going to a conservative Catholic college on the opposite coast, even though he had to go into debt to do it. He likes that environment. He’s comfortable with it and the students are nice, clean kids. This is the environment my younger son would also prefer in college, but – as I’ve said several times now – they don’t have his preferred major. </p>
<p>As I said, it’s not Shangri-La: some kids drink and smoke (at my older son’s college I mean) – drinking is officially forbidden but not necessarily condemned morally – and undoubtedly some sneak off and do the Unspeakable. : ) But the prevailing atmosphere is one of professors and students doing their best to live the faith and be good people, and he likes that. </p>
<p>I talked about this with my younger son this evening, and he said it’s not that it’s evil to have girls in the room. If they were just doing homework or watching TV he would not have a problem with it. The problem is where to draw the line. Even if he and his roommate agreed to no sex in the room, you could still have issues. What if his roommate and his girlfriend were not in bed together, but they’re on the couch acting lovey-dovey. My son hates that kind of thing, so he would feel like he had to leave. But why should he have to leave his own room? Let them go be lovey-dovey in the coffee shop or something. It’s simpler to just have a flat rule of no women in the dorm.</p>
<p>My older son’s college strictly forbids women in men’s dorms and vice versa. No opposite sex visitation whatsoever. But that doesn’t stop him from having several friends who are girls, and spending a lot of time hanging out with them. They go to the student center or the library, sit outside, or go out for food in someone’s car. Having them in the dorm just isn’t necessary. </p>
<p>Like I said before, this is his ideal situation. It doesn’t mean that he refuses to compromise or accept anything less, it’s just what he prefers.</p>
<p>People have mentioned the distinction between living rooms and bedrooms. Some dorms have suites with bedrooms opening off of a small sitting area. I suspect my son might not mind having girls in the room in a suite situation, where at least he could go to his bedroom and shut the door if he wanted to.</p>
<p>^ that’s a good idea … although more expensive than a traditional double in many cases. While this can keep girls out of your son’s bedroom it probably raises the odds of suitemates having sexual partners stay in their bedrooms … not your son’s bedroom or his living room but somewhere in his suite.</p>
<p>I think your sons success will depend on the dorm layout itself. You will have to choose wisely. You may need to pay more for a single. I do again recommend your son focus in behaviors not the gender of guests. Would he be equally upset with same sex visitors with a gay roommate. </p>
<p>I am still baffled that your s cares what happens in the room if he is not there. </p>
<p>Given his high degree of discomfort with women if he attends secular school you should splurge for a single.</p>
<p>@filius1:
You posted on this forum seeking input. Yet you are getting upset when opinions on your question are not what you want to hear - including mine. None of the input you’re getting is wrong. It may be different and not something you choose, but that doesn’t make it wrong.</p>
<p>I respect your concern for your son’s needs as he heads off to college. Every parent with a child leaving for college has concerns.</p>
<p>I happen to be very sincere in my belief when I say that a child going off to college with a social behavioral contract, and even worse - one orchestrated by his parents, can only lead to unhappy endings.</p>
<p>It may not be input you choose, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.</p>
<p>“Would he be equally upset with same sex visitors with a gay roommate.”</p>
<p>Given this kid’s strict Catholic beliefs, I suspect he would be VERY uncomfortable with a gay roommate and would ask to change roommates rather quickly.</p>
<p>jpm50:</p>
<p>“You posted on this forum seeking input. Yet you are getting upset when opinions on your question are not what you want to hear - including mine.”</p>
<p>I assure you I’m not upset. Calling a comment presumptuous and patronizing doesn’t automatically mean I am crying over it. </p>
<p>I didn’t ask for parenting advice, I asked for information on how a Roommate Contract works. You have the right to give parenting advice if you want, I’m not going to censor you. But if you give unsolicited advice you’re taking the chance that it may not be welcomed. I mean, how would people react if I responded to someone’s post by saying that his daughter needs to stop sleeping around and go to confession? I rather doubt that it would be received in a friendly manner.</p>
<p>Nellieh:</p>
<p>“Given his high degree of discomfort with women if he attends secular school you should splurge for a single.”</p>
<p>High degree of discomfort with women? I have no idea where that came from.</p>
<p>Sseamom:</p>
<p>“Given this kid’s strict Catholic beliefs, I suspect he would be VERY uncomfortable with a gay roommate and would ask to change roommates rather quickly.”</p>
<p>Your suspicion is unfounded. Like any other male roommate, it would depend on his behavior.</p>
<p>Just from experience, these agreements need to be constantly updated. Kids change a lot by thanksgiving. </p>
<p>The only real issue is the bossy pants roommate who wants my way or the highway rules. Other than that, it works out okay. </p>
<p>In a betrayal to my sex, I’m also going to say that guys negotiate this better than girls. Maybe it’s that they take it less “personally,” or whatnot. </p>
<p>Good luck to you guys. Don’t rule out BYU. It’s a really great school if the rules don’t bug you.</p>
<p>Poetgrl:</p>
<p>“Good luck to you guys. Don’t rule out BYU. It’s a really great school if the rules don’t bug you.”</p>
<p>Thanks. Not ruling out BYU although if they don’t offer a full ride then we probably will. : )</p>
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<p>This:
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<p>10char, quotes don’t count!</p>
<p>Oldmom:</p>
<p>::sigh:: I give up. If you’re determined to make him into a misogynist, I can’t stop you.</p>
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<p>Where did you come up with that? Based on what I heard he would probably WELCOME a gay roommate since that person most likely won’t be bringing any girls into the room. But that idea is also lacking. </p>
<p>@oldmom: That doesn’t even answer the question…</p>
<p>I can understand that he wants his room to be a “guy” space. My son just starts school this week and is in a triple that was meant to be a double. It is decidedly crowded with the 3 boys in it. I don’t think having visitors will be much of an issue as it is a bit claustrophobic anyway. There is really no place to hang out in the room and it would be way too crowded! My son has very good friends who are girls and would have no problem having girls in the room but would also be creeped out by certain activities taking place in the room. He and his roommates so far seem to be on the same page as they all agree they are there for academics primarily and there are plenty of places to socialize outside the room. There is a large common area and I have no doubt there will be girls there as the floor is half boys half girls. </p>
<p>I don’t think it will be as big an issue for the OP’s son as everyone is making it out to be. I think he should be very specific on his roommate questionnaire as possible or maybe even try to request someone he already knows who fits the bill. BTW, we are not Christian, but have instilled many of the same values and morals that the OP is talking about in our children. HOpefully the OP’s son will not restrict himself to only someone from the Christian community.</p>
<p>takeitallin:</p>
<p>“HOpefully the OP’s son will not restrict himself to only someone from the Christian community.” </p>
<p>Definitely not. I am becoming convinced through all the helpful responses, that it most likely will work out fine. Thanks for your input.</p>
<p>Someone so uncomfortable with a girl even stepping foot in his room because of his strict moral codes-even for mundane purposes, I can’t imagine would be comfortable with a gay roommate. It would be like having a girl in his room, wouldn’t it? If a girl can’t cross the threshold for any reason because it would be unseemly to him, why would he be ok with a guy who is attracted to guys?</p>
<p>I’ve seen enough posts on CC about people’s discomfort with gay roommates or potential roommates to know this is a real possibility. Add in that many really conservative Catholics oppose equal rights for gays, well, it’s much much of a leap for me. And yes, as a former Catholic, I’m very familiar with the teachings. The Catholic diocese in Seattle campaigned hard against the recent WA State law allowing gay marriage.</p>
<p>Sseamom:</p>
<p>Your speculations about my son’s possible reaction to a gay roommate are duly noted. Thanks for sharing.</p>
<p>@filius In regards of not having sex in the room, your son has a chance of him and his roommate agreeing to the “No sex in the room” rule. Although it maybe a little different for guys, my roommate and I have that rule which we both agreed on pretty quickly. (It was almost instantaneous!). It shouldn’t be difficult to get both roommates to agree with that rule. Having no members of the opposite sex in the room is a different thing in itself; especially, if no romantic interactions are going on.</p>