<p>I think something I did right was to write my essays really early even if I didn't work on them past the rough draft stage for two months. I also think, personally, for me, writing my essays all at once really helped me keep a consistent amount of passion.</p>
<p>"we are a family that views the geography of the US as consisting of 2 coasts with Chicago somewhere in the middle.--ha..."
as a military brat, I spent a lot of my life in the hinterlands of the middle sections but there were two glorious years of sunshine and warm Santa Ana breezes in Palos Verdes</p>
<p>I am afraid our family was one who failed to search with much of a cool head for merit money, but I admire your ability to think with a clearer head as we are "paying" for our rashness now and wondering month to month if it will be "worth it" in the end. We have wonderful flagship state universities in Virginia which are rather compelling options, too.</p>
<p>roshke..I envy your access to Naviance and such. Our school system has zero such access to stats to refer to in college advising.</p>
<p>Well, as noted, my daughter wasn't too cool-headed in her reach-heavy approach. She is dead set on leaving the state and has undercut her ability to do so by declining to apply to the private colleges where merit money would be assured. She is one of those kids whose grades and test scores put her at the top level at just about any state college and a whole range of private colleges which cater to "ordinary" students, but she really is under the bar for the elites. But she's ambitious. </p>
<p>But I'll stick to my guns as far as finances go; I don't really have any choice. My d. is very active and outgoing so I know that no matter how disappointed she is in April, she will have a dozen friends and be very busy by the time her 2nd week rolls around at any UC campus where she ends up. She has her whole life ahead of her - so plenty of options.</p>
<p>Started early: We began looking at colleges the summer after 9th grade and over the next three years, tried to see a couple of campuses per year. This helped in the end when the crunch time came and helped eliminate some that he thought might be possilbilites. there is alot to be said for the"feel" of places and visiting during times when class was in session was a big plus. Also, for him, it was really important to actually sit in on some classes and observe professors and students alike. </p>
<p>In all fairness, we allowed him to investigate all of the colleges he applied to and I am glad he had the opportunity to visit almost all of them. If you really have no intention of letting them attend a school, don't visit it because that is the one that they surely will fall in love with! He was admitted to 8 places and is very happy at an Ivy in the northeast...a long way from home!!!</p>
<p>My son is a sophomore now at Swarthmore. He was rejected ED from Columbia but Swarthmore was his last application and one in which he paid particular attention to the 'Why Swarthmore' essay and also refined his main essay (personal statement) a bit before submitting. He did his own research into why he wanted Swarthmore and was able to articulate well enough, I guess. He got an early write from Swarthmore in the RD round, so he must have done something right.....</p>
<p>We made sure DS had 95% of credentials (SATs, etc.) done by end of junior year.
Also, he did his personal statement essay in August, working with a family friend who (unlike a parent) could actually get him to sit down and WRITE. The essay was totally "him" in all his individuality--her genius was the ability to get it out of him.
Now he's a happily accepted ED kid, in a program that perfectly matches the interests expressed in his essay.</p>
<p>Initially this thread was focused on the nitty gritty/right and wrongs of applications yet to be responded to. As many of the children written about now have their 'results' and many have their 'decisions' made, I wonder how the comments would change.</p>
<p>Now 1 and 2 years past the 'April of senior year events'-- I didn't respond initially. Did my child (and I...) do right because he was accepted to an Ivy. Did my other child (and I..) do right because he was accepted at 7/8 of the schools he applied to.... well- simply- yes something was done right.</p>
<p>We did a lot 'wrong', in fact. Neither boy had another application done until the day after the ED was not accepted. Neither boy had planned their HS curriculum around maximizing 'weighted' grades. Neither boy had studied much for SAT's....MIght any of these improved their outcomes? Who knows.. is that what makes something right or wrong??</p>
<p>But, reading all the recent threads on stressed out preschoolers, possibly plagarizing Harvard students, kids who can't decide among great options, and kids who can't decide between their parents and their passions....here is my list of what we did right:</p>
<ol>
<li>selected preschools based on convenience and safety so that parents could both work with peace of mind- not with college admissions in mind</li>
<li>left the school that awarded first graders for winning geography competitons for posters done by their parents, and other first graders for marching in hallways</li>
<li>figured out what made the kids tick (wholely different than me- both of them do things I am not brave enough to think of, free enough to try) and let them do it, and spent money to make them 'experts' as appropriate for their ages</li>
<li>did not let either child apply to any school- just to see if they could get in- if I wouldn't have let them go there</li>
<li>didn't insist either child apply to schools they guidance counselor said they 'should' unless they wanted to--0/9 and 0/8 schools were not of their choosing</li>
<li>accepted the fact that in a 3 hour visit you couldn't learn everything- took it for granted they would probably be fine if after 3 hours they didn't hate the place....</li>
<li>let them stick with classes in HS they wanted to take even if they got a <strong>B-</strong> for years...</li>
<li>flew them to another country to take the SAT's so they wouldn't have to take them the same day they had a lead in a play, or a big piano solo the same night (among a few indulgences)</li>
<li>made them take the SAT's the next day even when they had food poisoning the night before ( best scores!!!!)</li>
<li>agreed to support whatever decision they made about what school to select- offered comments only when asked and reminded them only once that they had 'no bad choices'-- no mind games, no bribes, no arm twists, no guilt trips, no wanting what they didn't want for themselves.....</li>
<li>realized everything happens for a reason...had son #2 been accepted ED, we would have been in Phuket on 26 December 2004....</li>
<li>innoculated the boys- for mumps, for meningitis and for the realities of life!</li>
</ol>
<p>What did we do right?</p>
<p>At the risk of sounding impossible arrogant we were successful in part because, perhaps for the first and only time in his young life, he did what I told him to do. He did his school work, which was very good, but not great, and I managed the application process (he did the applications.) I recommended the colleges based on my research and taking into consideration his interests and academic record and our finances. He could have added or subtracted schools but didn't. I never could get him to apply to Middlebury, the one school I fell in love with. Except for his safety, he said that he would have been happy to go to any of the schools we selected. </p>
<p>The success actually was my childs. He did all the real work.</p>
<p>What we did right: looked honestly at D's strengths and weaknesses as an applicant and took seriously her personal preferences --wanted a school on the East Coast not more than 4-6 hours from New York City, wanted access to a city --not "middle of nowhere",wanted low key social atmosphere --no frats, wild partying, heavy drinking, seriously considered women's colleges but preferred co-ed. We realized pretty early on with the help of CC that ED would likely give her the boost she would need for a top choice. Visited ED school three times and then put our eggs in that basket-- with some matches and safeties ready to go if needed. </p>
<p>In retrospect, we might have received more financial aid without ED, but the satisfaction that D can go to the (subjectively) "best" school on her list is worth a lot and we all benefitted from the serenity and peace of mind after Dec.15. I am also glad she did not waste an ED application on an unrealistic reach.</p>
<p>What I did right was encourage my S to take a gap year. S is a wonderful young man, intelligent, loves school, but had no idea what he wanted to study since his interests ranged from engineering to being a secondary school teacher.</p>
<p>When S couldn't get it together to write his college apps despite having visited schools that were calling him encouraging him to apply, I did not try to force him to write the apps or go way out of my way to structure his time and make things easier for him, but encouraged him to take a gap year.</p>
<p>This seems to have worked out nicely since the same kid who stared blankly at college apps has managed to line up a wonderful local Americorps Vista position for himself that includes duties that he is eagerly anticipating and a brilliant, supportive mentor.</p>
<p>Some people say that my husband and I have a lot of courage to have supported S's taking this path, but I'd rather have a kid who takes a year off and then goes to college with focus than to have another son who grits his teeth and goes to college only to skip classes and drop out.</p>
<p>I learned my lesson with my older son, whom I had literally stood over to make sure that he produced the apps to the colleges that he said he wanted to go to. He did wonderfully well in the college process, getting into 5 of 6 schools he applied to, and delightedly going off to his second choice college with virtually full merit aid.</p>
<p>I had offered that S a gap year, too, an idea that he rejected (as initially younger S did, too, until he missed the deadlines for the colleges he was interested in going to).</p>
<p>Where I made my mistake was structuring older S's time so that he produced his apps and scholarship apps. I didn't make that mistake with S #2. The lesson I learned with my older S is that if the parent has to do all of the work to structure a kid's time to get their apps done, the kid isn't ready for the responsibilities of college.</p>
<p>Prepped for SAT/PSAT in late summer/early fall of junior year. Could then get two tough tests out of the way in about 10 days by taking the SAT in early October and the PSAT just a few days later. I really think having a good SAT score and a good PSAT score under the belt helped to keep the focus on junior year academics. It might also produce some really good MERIT money if things work out well. Friends thought we were 'jumping the gun' by prepping in August of Junior year, but I'm convinced it was the way to go. </p>
<p>Where did I get the idea? Right here on CC, of course!!</p>
<p>When DD was, as a junior, only interested in applying to big schools in big cities, insisted that we visit a few small LAC's in small towns/big cities as well. She eventually applied ED II to one of said LAC's, was accepted, and is very satisfied with the process.</p>
<p>Here's what I think I did right: knew when to listen to my DS and when not to, and when to listen to the GC and when not to.</p>
<p>School DS didn't want to visit (WUSTL) for no good reason that I could pin down turned out to be his 2nd choice and where he's going to attend (not accepted to 1st choice). He's very excited and tells me he "loves it"--just did a two night overnight. Since he's willing to go anywhere that involves taking a plane trip, I just ignored him and booked the trip this past spring. Would of course not have made him apply if he didn't like it, but feel I did the right thing to make him visit.</p>
<p>Sometime in early January GC sent DS home in a panic convinced he still needed to find a "true safety" to apply to. None of the schools she was suggesting were somewhere I'd be willing to pay for DS to attend. Told DS to relax, wrote letter to GC saying thanks for concern but we absolve you of responsibility for whether DS has a school to attend in the fall or not. Decided he did have some very realistic schools and that if all else failed he'd do a gap year and find a different set of schools to apply to next year (he'll only be 17 when he graduates anyway). Turns out son got into 6 of the 10 schools he applied to. Yes, know that one could have worked out much worse, but still happy we didn't listen to GC.</p>
<p>Agree with multiple other posts that have said actually visiting is really important (decided not to apply to 2 schools based on campus visits).</p>
<p>Likes fish.</p>
<p>What I did right was (1) insist absolutely on a safety net, (2) take on the responsiblity for getting all financial aid material submitted, and submitted on time, and (3) other than that, let my daughter do things her way, no matter how much it frustrated me. </p>
<p>The safety net was that I insisted that my daughter apply to UC campus, including some where admission was certain -- thereby guaranteeing that come May, there would be a place for her that we could afford. One thing I am eternally grateful for is the early (Nov 30th) deadline for UC apps, coupled with the streamlined procedures - one app for all campuses. It meant that by Dec. 1, I could breath easy and stop nagging. </p>
<p>My daughter ended up applying to a bunch of reach schools that I thought we would never be able to afford, even if she did manage to get accepted to one of them. Turns out that she got accepted to most of them, and have reasonably financial aid from the one college that was near the top of her list and which I also have always felt would be a perfect fit. </p>
<p>But the main point is that she was able to reach as high as she wanted, and she did it her way.</p>
<p>What we did right. Hhhmmm. I guess it was setting expectations, explaining what a reach school is, learning to love safeties, but at the same time, letting my child fail. At least, that's what I thought. I couldn't bear seeing her apply to her two reaches - one of which was her 1st choice by a mile - because I was 100% convinced she would be rejected. I winced when the apps went out because all I could imagine were the tears I knew would follow when she got rejected. But I knew it was her decision to make, and I had confidence that she would be able to deal with the consequences. (I wasn't so sure about me.)</p>
<p>But she got into both her reaches, and will be attending her #1 preference. Now I wince when I wonder what would have happened if I had tried to talk her out of applying. </p>
<p>Two apps diverged in a yellow wood. . . . . .</p>
<p>calmom and hayden...just wanted to congratulate your children for reaching for a dream school and doing their best effort and having things go there way. happy update! Also NSM..we expect to hear from you next April after your S has had an outstanding year doing community service work and to hear what colleges he is visiting on Accepted Student Days a year from now. Many people on the boards will want to hear about a Gap Year well spent by your second son.</p>
<p>We had a chat with son about our finances in the summer before senior year. We also met with CC about the schools likely to accept S that gave good merit aid for kids with his stats. He applied to 4 of those & applied to 4 uber-reaches, where he would likely have fit & been happy (but real financial reaches). He didn't get into any of his uber-reaches but got into all 4 of the schools known for good merit aid. Two offered 1/2 tuition, one offered a full-ride.<br>
I spoke with the Engineering School & Disabilities Offices at the two 1/2 tuition schools he loved & was seriously considering attending about their attendance policies & we were all able to make a choice we were all comfortable with. The schools made it VERY easy since one promised to be flexible & work with us while the other said they'd ask him to withdraw & forfeit his scholarship if he missed 4-6 classes in a quarter!
The school he has chosen has since increased his merit aid, so he'll be getting somewhere between $2500-3500/year in addition to 1/2 tuition. Yippee! We have spoken with folks whose kids attended this school as well as the kids & have heard so much positive about it; he's getting pretty psyched & we're so happy for him. The school has been excellent at answering questions via phone & e-mail, in fact much more so than the smaller school we had expected to have been flexible & caring. We're convinced he'll have a wonderful time at his new school.</p>
<p>What we did right:</p>
<p>1) Hands off his essays (as mentioned already in this thread). Encouraged him to speak candidly and in his own voice. His essays were his mirror image, with every strength and flaw right there for all to see. </p>
<p>2) Listened to HIS first choice, instead of trying to force our pre-conceived notions upon him. He was 100% right.</p>
<p>What we did wrong:</p>
<p>Listened to too many horror stories about athletic recruitment and caused a great deal of unnecessary stress. </p>
<p>Had kids in the first place. It's too painful. As soon as they can walk, they start thinking about leaving, and they take our hearts with them. S #2 plotting his escape as I type...we're back to the cats, exactly where we were before having babies. Would have been simpler to just stay with the cat plan; no shortage of them and they don't talk back or spend your retirement fund on a college education. Here kitty kitty kitty....</p>
<p>The mrs deserves the credit for the plan, and the D for the hard work. - it was clear early on that an arts portfolio was going to be needed, and that a good portfolio could yield merit dollars. The planning started in sophomore year included various summer programs and adult ed evening classes during the school year.</p>
<p>Also - the summer leadership camp made a big difference. She went away a selfish teen, and came back motivated to make a difference. The ECs took care of themselves at that point, and they were from the heart, not forced.</p>