<p>We have a thread discussing what people think they did right getting their kids into a top college or university. But here I want to know what you think is the key to having successful children in life. That's right, what advice do you have for creating the happy adults that have found fulfillment and love and independence and happiness while still connecting with family and being a part of your lives.</p>
<p>My oldest has enjoyed her college experience, and now has her BA degree in her sights, and is looking beyond to work and then grad school. My youngest is still in high school. So neither is there yet. So for those with children in their late 20s and 30s, what advice can you give us?</p>
<p>Learn to take public transportation, or discover the joys of living within walking distance of your job.</p>
<p>Put the maximum into your employer sponsored retirement account, even if you think you can’t afford it. You will never miss the money if it gets invested for you before it hits your paycheck.</p>
<p>Get a library card even if you’re only living in a town temporarily. Reading is good, reading is cheap, and you meet really nice people at the library.</p>
<p>Volunteer, even if it’s only an hour a week. Every cause doesn’t have to be “the cause” but helping other people is part of being a grownup and a citizen.</p>
<p>Accept the social overtures of the people you work with even if you think hanging out with a bunch of 40 year olds is lame. They are either being kind, or trying to help you professionally. Either way, it’s a good thing.</p>
<p>Buy a book of stamps. You may not believe it, but at least once a month you will need to write a real letter (i.e. not a text or a tweet.) Your boss’s mom will die and you’ll need to write a condolence note. Your boss’s boss will give you free opera tickets because her husband has the flu and she can’t use them. (Thank you note). Your roommates parents will discover that you are sleeping on an old futon and storing your clothes in garbage bags and will ship you a practically new bedroom set that’s sitting in their attic. (Another thank you note.) Etc. Don’t be one of those people who can’t write a note because you don’t own any stamps.</p>
<p>I’m sure there’s more but these are the ones that spring to mind as the parent of “young grownups”.</p>
<p>Our son had a successful high school and college “career” and is now doing well in a great job as a computer game designer.</p>
<p>I think the key was our gradual letting go of the “apron strings” beginning in early middle school, allowing him to make mistakes resulting from his growing independence. By senior year in hs he had no weekend curfews, our reasoning being that we knew his friends, knew where he was, and understanding the he would have no curfews the following year in college. </p>
<p>He was also required to work every summer.</p>
<p>As to college, we made it clear that he was responsible for ALL the admissions “stuff” and told that he would be responsible for paying his tuition, fees, books and spending money, though he did have a $76,000 college fund to help out. And once he turned 21 his jr year in college we gave him sole control of the monies remaining in that college fund which was about $45,000. I think this made him take his college years more seriously because he had a significant stake in it.</p>
<p>I have one friend who had a wonderful daughter that for some reason was struggling in high school, particularly in math. This flummoxed her parents to no end, as her mother was a math major, that started college at age 16, and her father was a high tech engineer. However, they praised and supported her finding her way. She chose a college that I’m pretty sure doesn’t show up on the USNWR list anywhere, that specializes in art. Though her mom may have privately had her doubts, she supported her daughter, and made sure she knew she was extremely proud of her. The daughter did well, and now the young lady is in her late 20s, a manager of a large group of graphic artists working on animated motion pictures for a great company to work for. She has a fun social life, is still the charming and helpful young lady she was in high school, and makes enough to afford a house on her own in one of the more expensive areas in the country.</p>
<p>This lady’s contribution to this thread is not to lose faith in your children. Bring them up to be good people. Emphasize kindness and empathy growing up. Support them in whatever impossible or unusual dream they come up with. In the end they will find their own way.</p>
<p>From Hall of Fame football coach Lou Holtz, AKA “Dr. Lou” on ESPN college football broadcasts:</p>
<p>“You need four things in life to be happy. You need something to do, someone to love, something to hope for, something to believe in.”</p>
<p>It’s my experience that to help someone remember a message you want to condense it into 3 - 5 points. I think Dr. Lou did a pretty good job of that.</p>