<p>books. stacks and stacks of books. reading aloud the same terrible boring favorite picture book (about road building machinery?) night after night after night. And then whatever came next.</p>
<p>And love. Love that never stopped or could be stopped.</p>
<p>Belief. Not that he was the best thing that ever was, but that, if he ventured, did his best, was true to himself, he would make a good life.</p>
<p>He is only 21 now. Time will tell, but he is a kind, caring young man about to graduate from his dream school in May and with a job after graduation. It has not all been easy or simple or without drama. But I am grateful.</p>
<p>edit: to change your screen name from an emoticon to your name</p>
<p>Its not the same for every kid and every family. Some kids enjoy structures and the discipline that their parents give them; others are really independent and just want the parent to “be there.” I think the most important thing is to allow them to do what they want to pursue- but to also advocate honesty, love and respect for life. Then, they’ll become valuable members of society- no matter what path they choose.</p>
<p>Model the behavior you would like to see in your children-my house is full of books and newspapers, we spent time at the library and the museum(and the ball park and the great outdoors) Walk the walk yourself…</p>
<p>Have high expectations, and positively reinforce good results</p>
<p>Allow children to make age-appropriate decisions for themselves, but allow consequences of poor choices</p>
<p>We have never sent our kids to “genius camp” or tutors or test preps, but had the example of loving learning and expecting lots of hard work…plus showing that in our own lives and professions. We raised our kids ourselves, and missed some financial and professional opportunities to have a family-centered home…</p>
<p>My gosh - we just stumbled along from crisis to crisis with no game plan and doing most parenting things really badly. Husband and I are both hearts-on-our-sleeve emotive types. Tons of screaming arguments at the dinner table. Lots of inappropriate TV and movie viewing because by the weekend we were exhausted and figured what the heck - let’s let the kids watch, too. We never really had any philosophy of parenting, have just tried to enjoy life along with our kids once we had them. That has meant a lot of books and probably more movies that was good for any of us. We argue an awful lot. I think that has done something useful for both kids. Watching parents argue and make peace and love each other and then start arguing again. Kids are realists and know that love is not about being happy every single moment. The bad times are sometimes the best times. Arguing and hugging. Lots of that. Very sloppy household. There was never any pretension about being perfect. Maybe that was something we got right. </p>
<p>We just don’t deserve our kids. We really don’t.</p>
<p>Always figured they knew about as much as we know. And they usually have.</p>
<p>OK…we have no video games (even NOW), our kids didn’t have Ipods or cell phones until they went to college, there is only one TV in our house so we KNOW what they were watching here (basic cable only…not too many choices), and neither had a computer in their bedrooms…they used the one for the family in the kitchen. Neither of them applied to (or was interested in applying to) a top 20 school. </p>
<p>I know…it’s that frozen pizza…no…maybe it was watching Star Trek every Sunday night…that must be it:)</p>
<p>We bought them video games but they never sustained much interest in them. Prefer to get in our face and argue and talk all the time. Now that they’re almost grown and gone we miss it but when they were young it drove us crazy.</p>
Haha so what would you say about the thousands of Stanford students and alums who guzzle Starbucks, watch porn off the internet, play violent video games, and listen to gangster rap on their iPhones?</p>
<p>^If they are just relaxing a bit, I say fine. But if they are wasting huge amounts of time on shallow, pointless activities or addicted to video games & porn, then I’d say they are not exactly living up to the intellectual promise of their surroundings.</p>
<p>sewhappy,
I think a messy house is a prerequisite to happy, thriving kids.
We watch NCIS, Law & Order and The Closer at dinner and the guys shout out what the perp should be charged with or what error the judge made.<br>
When I’m in charge we watch hockey, football and college basketball.
Computers are in one common room, basic cable only.
We do Sunday night dinner while watching DVDs, too. Thumper, we have seen more Star Trek than is humanly possible! Our dog is named for a Star Trek character.</p>
<p>Good point. It’s what you do with the time that you aren’t playing video games or watching porn that counts. (Sounds like a great slogan to put on a banner to be hung around the high school to motivate kids. What do you think? :))</p>
<p>Well, we do have the messy house & more reading material than we know what to do with. We also have always read, from the time the kids were born. Both of our kids love reading.</p>
<p>We also only had desktops & only in the common room (they did get laptops for college). They did get cell phones when I went back to work & they & school needed to get in touch with me, toward the end of high school. To this day, neither talks much on cell phones.</p>
<p>As one poster pointed out we can not assume our kids success while they are attending school. Just because the kids are attending college, and seem to be doing well, there is no way of predicting how they will do once they graduate and enter the adult world. I would view them as successful if they achieve happy lives, satisfying careers, and most importantly their own wonderful families. It is too soon to talk about our kids in terms of future success.</p>
<p>The main thing we did right is that we understood that the seeds of success are planted early and develop slowly over a long period of time. So in our household, here was no starting point after which school or extra-curriculars “mattered”. They mattered from Day 1 in the sense that we expected 100% commitment and their best effort. Often parents think that schoolwork and EC’s don’t really “count” until freshman or sophomore year of high school. Frankly, a student’s work ethic is established and his/her academic path is already well set by then. Besides, our district’s tracking system does not cater to late bloomers.</p>
<p>You mention a school system that tracks. We were in that with our kids, too, and I really hated it because it seemed absurd to be determining a kid’s ability when they were seven years old but in retrospect it probably did instill the habit of academic effort in both my kids. In our school system, not being in the “gifted” track meant being in a classroom of complete chaos. We didn’t really have to point this out to them; they figured it out themselves that trying hard meant being in the nice class where the teacher didn’t scream all day. So they tried hard.</p>
<p>I still think that sort of tracking system is unjust and holds down more kids than it lifts up. But mine were probably helped in developing a sense of themselves as academic achievers very early. I don’t think they were actually put with the most academically talented kids at all. But they were put with the academic strivers. And that might have been the most important thing of all.</p>
<p>First of all, I applaud those parents who recognize the value of family, and have questioned the use of attendance at prestigious colleges and universities as an accurate measure of success.</p>
<p>Speaking as a high school graduate currently on a gap year before heading off to college, I have to say that I don’t think anyone can say that there is a magical formula that will somehow ensure that your kid will end up at at ivy league/top 10 school. It makes me sad to think that parents think that they can somehow pre-package their kids with moving around to get into a top Public HS, and spending hundreds of dollars on tutoring etc.</p>
<p>My High School was in a rich town (which I did not identify with) and while I struggled with doing applications by myself, my friends spoke of their private college counselors/tutors who they paid hundreds of dollars for to perfect their applications.
As far as the mentality of putting on all this pressure to excel, I have many friends who experienced this from their parents. And while they may have received perfect grades, I found myself questioning that they were learning things like perseverance, hard work and learning how to deal with failure.</p>
<p>I didn’t make it into a top 10 school, nor did I apply. I was looking for a small college experience. But I am incredibly happy with who I am, because of the way my parents raised me. My parents raised me to value my education. They didn’t push me into high pressure music lessons/extra-curriculars, and I never attended any top Public schools. My parents taught me to respect the people around me, and to immerse myself in other cultures. I have had the great privilege to have my parents spend money on travel instead of summer camps or private tutors or living in the “right” neighborhoods. I value this alongside my education, because this travel and understanding of other cultures has made me the person I am today, and I have a deep passion for human rights. </p>
<p>I think those of you who think that high SATs and entrance into Harvard will mean true success need to stop and think about who you are turning your children into. I’m not saying this is true for all top 10 college students, I’m just thinking back to my friends who have been playing an instrument for 17 years and still aren’t satisfied or happy. Instead of pushing your kids to this lofty goals, look instead for colleges that would be a good match. Be realistic, and please don’t encourage the “dream school” thing because I have seen so many people crushed when they are rejected. My parents encouraged me and I all the schools I picked were ones that I could see myself happy at (reaches and safeties alike). </p>
<p>So instead of “how did you get your kid into a top school” maybe you should be more concerned about “how did you let your kid really grow and experience life.” I don’t know how many of you would value a ivy league degree over your kid turning into a compassionate, humble person who is satisfied and happy with their lives, instead of constantly feeling inadequate. Just a long winded thought.</p>
<p>When DS was little, I thought he was wasting time on the shallow, pointless activity of reading comics and video game guides. Then his vocabulary started getting advanced. Every time I asked where he learned a new word, he always replied “from Sonic”.</p>
<p>So even though his childhood was filled with excellent books, magazines, puzzles, etc., and I read to and with him for years, I still attribute his language success in large part to Sonic the Hedgehog! ;)</p>
