What do I say to my daughter?

<p>*They would have treated her as an International student and due to our extremely low income she would have been eligible for aid. *</p>

<p>Being an int’l probably made things tougher. And some schools are Need Aware for int’l students.</p>

<p>As for those FL privates…will she be getting any “full ride scholarships”? </p>

<p>I’m not sure I understand. Are you saying that you’re very low income so you can’t contribute anything? If so, will those FL privates cover tuition, room, board and books for an Int’l student? Or am I mistaken and you can contribute some money to her costs?</p>

<p>OP- my heart goes out to you and your D. She sounds like a lovely, hard working and smart young lady. Unfortunately the competition is so brutal now. Let her know how much you love her and are proud of her.</p>

<p>Hugs to both of you. She will do well at whatever college she attends.</p>

<p>^^ I was going to say exactly what Fall Girl said, but I’d just add to give her a little time. In the meantime, I also cast my vote for ice cream, and a sympathetic ear.</p>

<p>mom2collegekids - she had one college where she was invited to a weekend for a full 100% scholarship, but unfortunately she wasn’t one of the lucky ones. She has another 2private colleges that have given her some wonderful merit awards. If they agree that she can receive Bright Futures we might be able to make one of those work. One of them also has a scholarship that she has entered for, which will pay her a little extra in exchange for some volunteer work in the community (something she had already looked into as she already volunteers at a riding for the disabled center and had already checked one out near to campus).</p>

<p>When we started this process we were told by a ‘financial expert’ at a college convention that we would qualify for FAFSA. Once we started the rounds of looking at colleges we were told by some you will get Bright Futures but not FAFSA. Another one told us you will get FAFSA but not BF’s. As it turns out we don’t get FAFSA and depending on each college will determine whether we get BF’s. None of them have been the same. She had another 2 she applied to who saw her as an International student and gave her a small award but nothing else. Then sometimes you speak to someone else at the college and they tell you something completely different.</p>

<p>Not having gone through the college system in the US ourselves it has been challenging trying to sort it all out.</p>

<p>I’m sorry Floridalady, but it doesn’t sound like you know with certainty that your D will have a viable option that you can afford. </p>

<p>Do you want some help finding one or are you confident with the eight that you have that one of them will work itself out.</p>

<p>OP - You’re a good parent for caring so much. Hang in there. </p>

<p>“The Ivies really are a lottery.” - Sad but true. I am pretty blunt about then when trying to help younger families plan for college apps.</p>

<p>“Now she is asking why she has knocked herself out for the last 4 years and still ended up with 4 rejections.”</p>

<p>Remind her that isn’t the only reason she did this (as I’m sure it is not). She should feel very proud of herself for all she accomplished! Not only that but it sounds like she really maximized her highschool experience, probably learned a TON more because of her diligence, and is now extremely well prepared for college. She will find it less daunting and have likely a more relaxed time (and more time for other activities) because she’s going in so strong (which is because she worked her socks off in highschool). Studying hard and challenging oneself really does mean you learn a lot more (and learn how to learn under challenging circumstances). Moreover, she knows she did her very best and should be proud she gave it her best shot. Nothing was lost.</p>

<p>The Ivies are definitely NOT a lottery, or at least HYP aren’t. Legacies are admitted at between 3-4X those of others (which mean most are still rejected). “Development admits” by definition are admitted at a 100% rate. Recruited athletes are recruited athletes, as are needed bassoonists. A certain percentage of URMs are needed (to enrich the education of the non-URMs), sons and daughters of Senators and Ambassadors are needed to give the feeling of an elite place. Those with three or more patents or cures for cancer are usually (but not always admitted). Leaving everyone else, admitted at a sub-5% rate. What that means is that what counts are intangibles, as virtually everyone remaining has the “tangibles”. Oh, and don’t be poor - Pell Grant recipients make up less than 10% of the student body (at H, closer to 5%). Low-income students don’t give them the diversity they are looking for, unless they are athletes or URMs.</p>

<p>^Meaning it is indeed a lottery for those who are not legacies, recruited athletes, needed musicians, etc.</p>

<p>Mini & xchryevns –</p>

<p>It’s still a lottery at Ivies and any other place that receives 31k applications for 1500 spots. Brown accepted 8.7 of applicants this year.</p>

<p>While the accept rate there is higher for legacies than for those who are not, our double legacy D whose sister also went to Brown for BA & MS was not accepted this year. </p>

<p>This does not bother me a bit. She is better suited to a different school; she has 4 great acceptances to choose from and Brown correctly saw that she was better suited to a different place. If they had taken her, I wd have been in a rough spot—I was not really that keen for her to go there. </p>

<p>I am really tired of two things — people who heard she had close relatives who are alums at B and told her “Oh, you will get in! Your parents and sister all went there!” No, it is no guarantee whatever that a kid will get in, to have relatives who went there. Stop saying it to kids; you are hurting them. It is not true.</p>

<p>The other thing I am tired of is the people who said the same thing about her sister–that she had gotten accepted there because her parents went there.</p>

<p>She graduated 2nd in her class, had 1590 on her SATs (before the writing sample), took a load of AP courses & got 5s in them, great ECs, etc etc. In other words, an average student at CC.</p>

<p>But, this was in 1996, before Brown started getting 31k applications from heavily tutored geeks who had made getting into Ivies their only goal since nursery school. So, back then she stood out. She was accepted on her own merits. If the legacy thing helped her (which we will never know) , it did not give her an advantage over less academically able, etc students (btw the admissions officer she had told her it was her essay that got them).</p>

<p>Floridamom–What you say to your daughter is, you are my D & I love you, and you are going to have a wonderful time & do beautifully at the college you attend. </p>

<p>In a few short years no one will be asking her where she went to college. They will be asking her what she has done at her most recent job.</p>

<p>Not really a lottery b/c not everyone has an equal chance at being admitted.</p>

<p>Well, it’s never a lottery anywhere is it—there are kids who apply to X, Y & Z schools whose grades are not up to what the college looks for in its applicants. They will not be accepted. That’s true anywhere.</p>

<p>JRZMom - Good for you for seeing what is best for your D. I honestly feel that our S would do well wherever he decides. But part of me is influenced by how well he did on his acceptances to LACs. Was there something about him that speaks to that type of school and not as much to others? I’m listening to that feedback (like you are to Brown). He is lucky that he has options that he likes a lot, we know. But it is not a one-way street. Students decide where to apply, schools decide who to accept, students decide where to attend.</p>

<p>If you watch “Waiting for Superman” you will see all sorts of kids in a “lottery” in impoverished situations, young kids, poor parents, hoping against hope to get a chance to go to a school which will give them the ability to go to a state university. They are children; they sit and wait for spots oversubscribed, to successful elementary and middle schools, maybe by hundreds. Heartbreaking.</p>

<p>THAT is a lottery. </p>

<p>Good luck to all of your kids with their future college opportunities. I’m sure they will find themselves among peers.</p>

<p>Sorry Mini, I went to college with the daughter of a murdered Senator (and Presidential candidate); the son of a murdered President; the children of several famous actors, public figures, and heads of state. They were not there to create the “illusion” of being part of an elite; their life experiences were truly unique and they added immeasurably to academics both inside and outside of the classroom.</p>

<p>You are really in a nasty mood today-- go have a cup of coffee when you want to play nice.</p>

<p>The HYPed schools routinely say “no” to most applicants with profiles similar to your daughter’s.</p>

<p>Example: Brown rejects ~80% of Valedictorians, ~79% of those with an ACT of 35, ~75%of those w/an 800 on Math SAT.</p>

<p>What YOU do is get her - and yourself - to concentrate on the positives: she was accepted at some fine schools; the HYPed schoosl are ALWAYS a Reach for almost everyone; they didn’t reject “her” they said no to her application; and the reason one applies to 12 schools is to have choices; she did NOT do anything wrong AND she has excellent choices.</p>

<p>Good Luck!!!</p>

<p>I don’t know if she would qualify for home fees, but St As application deadlines are June and probably Edi and others are, too. Isn’t it FREE for Scots to attend?</p>

<p>Just a random thought to throw into the mix. Though it would be important to make sure that did not void her green card!</p>

<p>“It’s still a lottery at Ivies and any other place that receives 31k applications for 1500 spots. Brown accepted 8.7 of applicants this year.”</p>

<p>Anyone who thinks it is a lottery has just insulted every college admissions officer in the country.</p>

<p>“They were not there to create the “illusion” of being part of an elite; their life experiences were truly unique and they added immeasurably to academics both inside and outside of the classroom.”</p>

<p>Sorry, but YOU are the one who wrote “illusion” - I think elites are very real, add greatly to the “feeling of the place” (which I DID write) and I benefited greatly by having them at my school (though not necessarily in the classroom.)</p>

<p>If you are going to quote me, at least don’t make up words I didn’t say.</p>

<p>-violadad- I like your attitude! that’s exactly what I thought as I was rejected by 5 schools out of seven</p>