<p>OP, he’s homesick, and homesickness is almost universal for freshmen. The problem is, each homesick freshman is convinced that he’s the only one, that everyone else has a zillion friends already, that everyone knows he’s a loser, etc etc. All false, of course, but you can’t convince him otherwise, so don’t try. Your role is to provide a sympathetic listening ear, to encourage without pushing, and to let him know that you believe in him. </p>
<p>Have him drop by the Counselling Center. They are VERY experienced with this problem, and will be able to give him some practical ways to begin feeling a little more at home. During my D’s Orientation two years ago, they told us that during fall semester, the Counselling Center deals with homesickness more than anything else, by far.</p>
<p>Great responses above.
He needs time to get acclimated and make friends.
As long as the kids make friends, I think they will like any school they are at.</p>
<p>Absolutely he should not come home yet. Much too soon and he needs to stay where he is and get on with it. Talk to him, send him cookies, send him $ to go have meal with new friends… too early to come home.</p>
<p>One can be sympathetic but also frank, as in “man, I sure want you to hang in there for this semester as it will be $$$$$ if you drop out now. By the way, Aunt Hildegard wants to come out and I said she could stay in your room for the next two weeks, so let’s talk after that” – which pulls the rug out from the notion that one can come home and curl up in one’s old bed. Two weeks is not forever – work to get that far. </p>
<p>You can also recount the biology of homesickness. Everything is new, sensation wise. The bed feels different, the air can smell different, the food is different, the buildings are not familiar and so on. A helpful tip is to acknowledge that a brain can overload on all of these new sensations, so advise S to look for a familiar beverage (pop, juice) and to make sure to take a daily beverage break where he sips the drink and “chills out” for a little bit. </p>
<p>If you think things are really getting a bit dire, do call or email the Dean of Students and see if the dorm RA can stop by and talk to S. </p>
<p>Also, take a moment to compliment the kid on what he’s accomplished so far: tell him that you are so proud that he’s a college man and that you are amazed that he’s already . . . found his classes or bought books or got his room set up. It helps if you have a family history tale of somebody doing something really bone headed when new to a community (Katharine Graham of Washington Post fame wrote that when she went off to college she didn’t know that sweaters had to be washed occasionally – phee-yew after a few wearings). Feeling competent helps diminish fears.</p>
<p>My children were never homesick, and I don’t believe in the tough love approach. Given that mental illness seems to appear when kids first go to college, I would take any sign of upset seriously. I would make myself available to talk as much as he needed. Thanksgiving is a good time to come home for a first visit, and there should be a Parents’ Weekend at school before then. Encourage him to involve himself in a lot of activities. It could take awhile to find one. Getting a job on campus is a good idea.</p>
<p>Make use of counseling resources at the school.</p>
<p>I’d think twice about letting a very homesick freshman return for Labor Day weekend. They’ll be sleeping in their own bed, eating homecooked food, seeing old friends – sounds appealing right now, but none of it is going to make it any easier for them to acclimate to college. In fact, by Sunday night, they might very well be begging you to let them stay home. Trust me, sending a homesick freshman BACK to school is even worse than making a homesick freshman STAY at school.</p>
<p>So much bonding goes on those first few weeks/weekends that it really is best for students to stay on campus and get integrated into the college community. Kids will gather to go to home football games, watch away games and movies together, explore the neighborhood, etc. Those that do not stay on campus in the beginning miss out on the best opportunities to make connections and may feel like the odd man out. You can’t get those first few weeks, when everyone is excited and looking to make new friends, back. Those early shared experiences are very bonding. Once friendships and routines are established, the student will feel more comfortable in his/her new environment and occasional visits home will be fine. </p>
<p>I was one that went home weekends and never really felt a part of my campus community. I wound up leaving that school and I think the fact that I did not stay on campus in the beginning was a big contributing factor to my disconnected feeling.</p>