<p>How’s about “A lot of PBJ sandwiches and a lot of hope!” Honestly, a lot does depend on your relationship with the questioner. If they’re sincere and have college age kids, I will spend time talking to them about trying to help their kid get merit aid and apply for FAid (for those who are likely to qualify for something). If they’re just being nosy, I am much more flippant and can say that S’s great merit scholarship was very helpful as was D’s time at local CC. I do believe most parents facing college costs are shocked at the sticker prices and honestly wondering how anyone can send their kids anywhere.</p>
<p>
I think you should say, “I’m glad you asked,” and then hand them an empty envelope. “It’s so nice of you to offer to help.”</p>
<p>“I am taking up a collection now.”
“Notice how Neiman’s stock has gone done recently?”</p>
<p>Congrats on the Wellesley acceptance!</p>
<p>We have a child at a very expensive school (known for lousy FA), and we are full-pay anyway. The line we use is “this is what we planned for”. It is no one else’s business unless they plan to help us pay.</p>
<p>Congrats on the Wellesley acceptance! </p>
<p>I have two older sisters who are Wellesley alumnae… and donate regularly to help fuel that need-based aid :)</p>
<p>S1 will be going to a $55K school that offers need-based aid only, and we get the same questions. I tell folks not to shy away from schools based solely on their spendy price tags, because the financial aid packages and grants tend to be very generous.</p>
<p>Congratulations to your daughter!</p>
<p>People just blurt things out. I know that I do and then I regret it!
You can say, while smiling, “I know, it is like the national debt.” or “I know, I’m glad to see that I have been working my tail off for something worthwhile.” or “Of course we can’t afford it; no one can. I guess you can’t expect me to treat you to anything.” or “Did you see the article about the woman who wanted to sell her organs to pay for college tuition?”
Then, change the subject.</p>
<p>I would like to add that if someone has a child who is applying/considering applying to D’s school I would be happy to answer their questions and provide some detail. However, if it is just “nosy-ness” , then no.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the great advice! We live in a community where not a lot of kids go away to college. In addition to the money question, I also get “why would you send her so far away?” like I am a bad parent. I’m usually better at this question. How could I keep a girl with a 35 on her ACT who wants to major in Urban Planning in a city with no resources for her?</p>
<p>I appreciate all the good words. You guys are great!</p>
<p>For me, when people tell me their kid got into X school, I am interested to know if (a) that’s where their child wants to go if possible, and (b) if the financial piece worked out so that the child can. I may not ask if it seems like it would just come off as nosy, but “Congrats! Do you know yet if the financial package is going to also work out?” seems like a reasonable reply among friends.</p>
<p>By asking if the financial package is going to work out is assuming the family is applying for FA, and that may not always be the case.</p>
<p>" Congrats! Do you know yet if the financial package is going to also work out?" is a lot different than, “Can you afford that!” Although, unless it’s a very close friend, I don’t think I’d even ask about financial package. It’s only a reasonable question if there is some relevance to my own situation, as in wondering if my own kid might qualify. Anything else, and it seems like nosiness.
How about just," Congratulations! That must be so exciting for your family!"</p>
<p>Similar situation in our family. Except that it’s my mom who asks if we can afford it. My D has been accepted to a few great colleges already (MIT, Duke likely, USC, Wellesley likely, etc.). And along with the “Wow! Congrats! That’s my grandbaby!” comes the inevitable “You know that’s expensive, don’t you?”.</p>
<p>“Well, yes. I know mom. But,…” And then I go into the fact that D deliberately applied to schools that offer great financial aid and that D has applied to almost every scholarship in the land, etc… But, there is still that look of skepticism that comes across my mom’s face and slowly burns a hole into my heart. She’s right and I know it. I know that there is still a good possibility that we won’t be able to afford it. That the colleges’ definition of our need will differ greatly from my own and that my D will be disappointed… as I was when my mom had to tell me many years ago that I could not attend my first or second choice colleges because we couldn’t afford it.</p>
<p>Anyway, can’t wait 'til this is over. Until all of the speculation about Where? and How Much? has been settled. It seems most are stressed about whether their kids will get in. We’ve thankfully passed that threshold. Now it’s just “PLEASE, PLEASE show me the money!”</p>
<p>Two years ago, I may not have asked the question to your face, I would have asked the same question to myself. However, having dug into the whole thing for the past year, I have an idea on this one. Yes, the person who asked the question may not have known better. Knowing what we know today, my answer would be:" How can I afford not to attend?"</p>
<p>Congratulations!</p>
<p>I would bet many people who attend so-called pricey schools are full pay,so FA questions would be moot</p>
<p>Not exactly. “Being full pay” and being ABLE to pay the full cost aren’t the same thing. </p>
<p>Some people may ask because they are nosy, some because they are in constant data-gathering mode related to their own interests (oh, Kid A with Stats B got into School C with Scholarship D…add to algorithm for my kid’s prospects…). Some are sadly acquainted with stories of kids who got into a dream school but wound up unable to attend due to financial constraints. But lots of people are just making conversation.</p>
<p>I’d just say, “Gosh, I sure hope so!”</p>
<p>OTOH, a friend of the family Daughter was accepted into and is attending flagship public U. Parents divorced, dad makes big bucks. Both parents so proud of child, but Dad wants to put a sticker on his car – </p>
<p>YES I WAS WILLING TO PAY FOR HER TO GO WHEREEVER SHE WANTED</p>
<p>Still working through a few issues, is he…</p>
<p>A friend of mine sent D to Harvard and pays only $16,000/yr, everything included. It is a lot cheaper than the total cost of attending at our state flagship.</p>
<p>Another friend sent his D to NYU at over $50K/yr. After graduation, she got a job on the Wall Street with over $70K base salary plus year-end bonus. Last time I checked, last year, $150 Billion for the total bonus for all folks on the Wall Street. Granted, Managers are getting bulk of the sum. I am sure from ROI perspective; this is not a bad deal either way.</p>
<p>How do you ‘Know’ the father wanted a ‘sticker’ for his car???.. Maybe he has the resources,as some people do,and was ok with whatever choice his child made…still waiting for the thread about what a waste of time and money secondary and tertiary state schools are,instead of the never ending bashing of pricey schools and those who pay to go there…pay for what s hool YOU can afford,and not worry about how,why others choose differently…</p>
<p>When my kids were very young, I had a close friend whose kids were just entering college. She was struggling financially, had a tiny house, kept goats and sold the milk, etc. I asked her one day how she could afford to send her kids to private colleges: “my aunt died.” Turned out her aunt had left her kids enough to pay cash for any college they chose and then buy a tiny house of their own. </p>
<p>When people used to ask how we could pay for the kids’ colleges, my reply was always “We can’t: we’re planning on selling everything we own and having them support us in our old age.”</p>