What do you think of my Common App essay?

<p>This was my common app essay (prompt was the place that you are most content - or something like that). I'm curious what other people think about my essay seeing as only people I know have read it. I already got accepted into college and whatnot, so this is just out of pure curiosity. And I guess this can also serve as an sample essay for others who are looking into the whole college process - I remember reading examples of different essays which showed me just how different they can be structured and written etc.</p>

<p>The room was located between the boys’ bathroom and the physics classroom. It was a long and narrow room, stuck there as if an afterthought - too small to be a classroom, yet too big to be considered an office. In this closet of a room, the flush of toilets harmonized with the physics teacher droning on about Newtonian mechanics.
The aesthetics of the room weren’t much more pleasing. One of the putrid orange walls was dominated by a green corkboard riddled with leftover staples. The original white floor (at least that’s what I think it used to be) was grey, and sported mysterious splotches of unknown substances. Stacks of papers and books cluttered the obnoxiously large table in the center of the room, leaving little space to pass on either side. Its jagged edges lay in wait to tear clothing as the unsuspecting walked by. A conglomeration of "antique" computer chairs, apparent rejects from That 70s Show, brought the worst of the décor of a bygone era into the room; and not only that, these chairs were in various states of disrepair. Broken wheels mandated caution when sitting down, and yellowed foam spilled out from the cracked faux leather shells. A thick layer of dust lurked in the untouched spots behind computers and atop the filing cabinets. This layer slowly built higher and higher as the term progressed, waiting for its annual cleaning when the dust was displaced so the process could begin again.
I was just a naïve sophomore when I first entered the “Intel Room.” My intent: to join the Advanced Research Program, more commonly known as “Intel.” Little did I know at the time that, very soon, this strange room would become central to my life.
The Intel room may have its faults, and even a “pet” mouse that likes to pay us a visit from time to time, but it is more than a garbage dump; this room has become my “haven" over the course of my four years in high school. The door to the room is never locked; whatever I need, whenever I need it, I can get from a visit to the Intel Room. When I walk into the room, the familiar scent of hazelnut coffee wafts over me, a smell that never leaves this odd yet inviting sanctuary. As the months progress, inspirational quotes, funny anecdotes, pictures, doodles and a range of quirky items adorn the once bare corkboard. Imagine if there were no decorations! These little artifacts keep us sane during the long hours we spend working on our papers.
While most often the room is a place in which people do their work, they often get sidetracked and conversations are inevitable. One can walk in the room and find both teachers and students discussing research projects, college applications, the meaning of life or current events. But it is just as likely to find us having trivial conversations about our hobbies, what was on TV the other night, and our opinions on Miley Cyrus' new persona. This is the reason that the Intel room has become so important to me. It was strange at first, but conversations are not lectures; they are an open sharing of ideas and thoughts. It is a place of “intellectual” conversation, where ideas can be shared, a safe house – a room to think, to place to challenge others, a true comfort zone – a place to laugh, to breathe, to be me. And the dust? Well, maybe it’s just the residue of all the great activity in the eccentrically ugly and altogether beautiful room.</p>

<p>I was waiting the whole time I was reading for you to get to the point.</p>

<p>Agreed^</p>

<p>sounds like a great description of the room, but I don’t think it speaks enough to give colleges that extra knowledge about you as a person</p>

<p>^Agreed, very little of it seems to actually be about you.</p>

<p>Sidenote, and maybe I’m being nitpicky, I wasn’t huge on the word choice. It read as though you’d written the essay then gone back with a thesaurus to swap out all your adjectives/verbs with “fancier” ones.</p>

<p>Take out your quotation marks. Too many that it’s just weird.</p>

<p>First few sentences were alright, then you started sounding like an annoying used car salesman.</p>

<p>I totally agree about the quotation marks. It’s “annoying” to “read.” :P</p>

<p>Yes, that is a pet peeve. While it does work for the “pet” mouse. I hate when it is used in a regular sentence to provide emphasis when the words used should do that. But it is interesting enough overall.</p>