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he is taking pride in finding schools that fit both his needs and our family budget. ...giving him ownership of this problem has brought out a maturity in him that is nice to see.
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<p>Also, if your son does receive some merit money then he can take pride in the fact that his efforts in HS have helped "pay his way" in college.</p>
<p>After my son had the college facts of life explained to him early in HS, he kept his grades at a high level, did the leg work for selecting where he would apply to college and found a fit AND merit money. </p>
<p>It really helped to further the change in the relationship from that of child who has the parents provide to son who is part of the process.</p>
<p>Thanks so much for all your very helpful responses and reality check. It is good to hear those answers from objective parents! Family and friends are all too willing to tell us that we would be doing DS a grave disservice if he does not attend a well known, top-ranked school.</p>
<p>We have been very forthright with DS about our situation and have explained that we may not be able to send him to his top choice. He suggested that it might be worth it for him to assume all possible debt for the great private. He’s very sweet and does not want us to suffer financially in any way, but at 17, he really cannot appreciate the burden of a major debt and we wouldn’t allow him to make that kind of mistake. </p>
<p>We will stick with the plan of applying to several schools, filling out the aid forms and waiting to see what happens with any kind of aid/scholarships offered. The waiting part is killing me, but thanks again to all of you for tipping the debate scales (for now) on the side of common sense.</p>