<p>A lot of people on this board has suggested that some parent are too much involved in their children college search.</p>
<p>So the question is whether the parent involvement is problem or lack of parent involvement is a problem.</p>
<p>The point that comes to my mind is that the problem most of the time associated with poor inner city schools children performances is the lack of parent involvement in their college search process. The lack of guidance from an educated parent or a mentor is always found to be the problem that these children even though talented endup in community college.</p>
<p>So why scream when parent do a good job of helping children with the college process.</p>
<p>It's not that people's parents involve or don't caring, it's that some (like you) involve TOO MUCH.</p>
<p>My parents for example allow me to pick my own colleges, but FULLY support me through the process. I think that's how parents should really be like.</p>
<p>What is involve too much? I'm not telling my child what to do and what not.
I'm just trying to clear my doubts at this forum and also give a different perspective to my daughter regarding her choices.</p>
<p>I believe the results are always better when multiple minds try solving the problem.</p>
<p>Um yes you are. You have 20 school you want your kid to apply to. Not to mention you specifically said that you won't pay for UChic if she got in there (and opted to go there) in place of Harvard.</p>
<p>Bored; congratulations. Lucky you. You seem to have had plenty of parental involvement (support through the process, but not helicopter parenting) for which your parents should be commended.</p>
<p>However, not all kids even get this from their parents. You have to remember there are millions of kids whose parents never went to college and do not have the wherewithal to guide their kids through the college admissions process. I agree with the OP this is a problem. I've seen it plenty in my suburban neighborhood, and I have tried to give those kids who sought my help some parental support and shared my knowledge since their parents were unable (or unwilling) to help.</p>
<p>Another problem I see is smart, ambitious kids who can't seem to get themselves motivated to get things done on time. My D was extremely guilty of this. If I didn't push (nag) for her to get things done, they might not have gotten done!</p>
<p>I believe that parents should be there to support their children in the college admissions process but not make decisions for them.</p>
<p>Parents should help their children gather information about colleges, such as rank (yes, don't flame me), strong departments, location, admissions, etc, and educate them about the consequences of their decisions as unbiasedly as possible. Since parents will always have a natural inclination towards what they personally believe, children should also take time to seek other venues of advice about decisions.</p>
<p>However, the final decisions of which colleges to apply to and which college they should attend should be up to the them, as long as the decisions are reasonable. Don't apply to 20 reaches with no safeties (which is common sense).</p>
<p>In short, parents should be a source of information and not dictators.</p>
<p>SpringfieldMom, I'm guilty of losing my motivation now and then too. My parents nag, but its more of a <em>filledwithlove</em>Please do your work<em>filledwithlove</em></p>
<p>I don't mind doing work, but I just don't do it if I don't see a point (Bad - I know). That will probably be THE thing to kill my college recommendations!</p>
<p>In my opinion, parents should be involved in their children's education from k to 12 to the extent that they show interest, help out with homework, encourage reading at home, etc. But my mom pretty much told me to apply where I wanted, and that she would figure out how to pay. She didn't go on some forum asking advice, I did that for myself. She didn't fill out applications and left the financial aid forms up to me. In the end, I had all the more satisfaction of getting into a top school because <em>i</em> did it all by myself. </p>
<p>So no, I don't think parents should be that involved in getting their kids into college. If a kid isn't motivated enough on their own to research colleges and apply in a timely fashion, then he/she probably isn't ready for college anyway.</p>
<p>BoredT: Don't you go to school?? For sure your parent involevment is not up to mark.</p>
<p>There are parent who won't pay for UC's or even community college.</p>
<p>I'm stating that I withhold paying tuition if my daughter try to take foolish steps. For premed I don't think UC Chicago is better at pre Med than Harvard.</p>
<p>I'm not a parent who will indulge wrong doing on part of my D.</p>
<p>lilybbloom: Who says my daughter is not doing the research and is not trying to find information on this board. She is also on this board.</p>
<p>WHat I try to convey is that since my daughter and I are two different personalities and we go search on this board separately we get different perspective of the same information.</p>
<p>So when we discuss we get to look at the same thing from two different perspective so result should be better if she is left on her own only.</p>
<p>How do you know his parents aren't up to the mark</p>
<p>What would you say if I told you I didn't read one,not one, of my Ds applications to colleges, not one essay, did no proofing, nada</p>
<p>would you say I am not up to the mark?</p>
<p>And sometimes parents have to let smart kids mess up, let them miss a deadline, forget an assignment, that is how they learn</p>
<p>WHat is going to happen when they go to college, will you be there to remind them then?</p>
<p>And what if something hadn't gotten done? Oh gosh, consequences....what a bad thing, to have to deal with the consequneces of one's own behavior</p>
<p>POIH, from your own posts, we get a very different perspective then what you are now saying</p>
<p>You have basically said you are deciding for her....</p>
<p>"So the question is whether the parent involvement is problem or lack of parent involvement is a problem"</p>
<p>There really isn't a clear answer to this question. It's going to be situation by situation. A parent's role is to advise and in some situations give a kick in the pants back to reality, or even let em sink or swim. </p>
<p>I have a deal with my kids, if I did something really stupid growing up, I share it with them. Why? because mistakes should only be made once and if you're observant you'll let others screw up some things. Don't worry there's still plenty of screw ups left, you'll just do a new one or two. No reason to repeat dad's. </p>
<p>As far as help, sure a parent certainly can fill out the data on college apps, that's not hovering that's good time management. The student can spend the time on a good essay for enterance. Or in one school's case the 6 essays they wanted. A parent can help with the scholarship hunt. There are alot of stuff in the college process that a trained monkey can do, so why not the parent?</p>
<p>Ofcourse I go to school. So for my parent involvement to be "upto mark", I guess they should hold a gun to my head asking me to study 24/7 and join all the "right" clubs and play 57 different varsity sports.</p>
<p>Thing is I thrive when people don't care. I attend one of the best schools in the nation (IB) and have had Straight As all through high school. Should my parents have still "pushed" me.</p>
<p>My parents BOTH went to Princeton, but they've never even talked about me applying there. That's how parents should be. If a person is flunking Spanish III or whatever, the tendency of a parent to "push" is justified, but not in my case.</p>
<p>Who's idea is it go do Pre-Med anyway? Yours or your daughters? I thought you said she liked Computer Science.</p>
<p>Thanks for defending me citygirlsmom, very enligthening comments.</p>
<p>::There are alot of stuff in the college process that a trained monkey can do, so why not the parent?::</p>
<p>Because kids need to learn responsibility and independence. Honestly, there's no greater sense of satisfaction than when you've put in all the hard work yourself.</p>
<p>For my D, she wanted to own the process, all of it, she asked for advice, asked me to help look something up, to verify information, etc.</p>
<p>Yes, I have helped with busy work, etc., but when she goes to school she will deal with it all, and knowing that she has, that she made her choices, etc was wonderful feeling for her.</p>
<p>BoredT: Neither going to a top IB school Nor both of your parents being Princeton alumni have anything to do with you hanging out at this board 24/7 during finals/AP/IBs.</p>
<p>The point was teenagers on their own can make mistakes and so parents need to be involved with the activities to a certain extent and there is nothing wrong with that.</p>
<p>I won't have any intentions of going to my daughter's dorm during her College years but I want to be her support during the high school years.</p>
<p>Look who's talking, what makes you think I'm hanging out 24/7?</p>
<p>You were talking as if I show absolutely no interest in school, so I just pushed it there. Not to be cocky or anything, but I'm feeling pretty confident for the IBs (Finals are a joke here).</p>
<p>I make mistakes - True. But how will I learn from them if I parents keep holding my hands for ever.</p>