<p>There is some great advice on this thread, and I applaud those who shared their stories about how they dealt with rejection. </p>
<p>I also had to roll my eyes at the couple of posters who took this thread as an opportunity to say that their kid wasn’t rejected. Yeah…that was a help to the OP I’m sure.</p>
<p>I hope I was not one of those who said kid wasn’t rejected, because he surely was. Only thing was, when the rejections come during RD round, there are usually some acceptances that counterbalance the disappointment.</p>
<p>I am not saying that finding a school where one can be happy AND have a likely chance of being accepted is easy. All I am saying is try to change the verbiage. Our school doesn’t use the term safety, they use likely. Sure, it’s the same thing BUT a different connotation because as has been pointed out here, safeties are not usually the same as desirables. So… is it LIKELY that I will be happy there and is it LIKELY that they will accept me. Just taking a different attitude vs using the word safety (which translates to :if all else fails:) can make the difference. And I think if I had another kid facing ED rejection, I’d use my own son’s mantra which was, as I said, well now I get to really see where else I get in vs never knowing! That’s an upside of rejection. And certainly worth using if you’re deferred. Son also thought Amherst was a pretty good second choice until deferred. He then took a second look at where he was accepted and decided he didn’t even want to be on the deferred list and thought being deferred there was a stroke of actual luck in the end. Go figure, but he does have a knack of looking at things as half full MOST of the time (not always).</p>
<p>I 'm with theorymom , my D took it hard then moved on. She had to deal with the others expectations as she was a popular kid at her school, with faculty and kids and it was abit embarrassing at first. but she has alot of confidence and was fine. at her safeety she is very happy and recived lots of money. So it all wors out . i still think those schools missed a great one. truely.</p>
<p>I agree with Mom2collegekids, the blow of rejection is less if you have helped prepare your kid for this way before the thin envelope arrives. They should realize that applying to their dream schools is a reach, a risk worth taking, but be fully aware that they are going against the odds. </p>
<p>It really helps to have a few EA schools that are an excellent match for your kid, academically, socially, and financially. Having those options (and the fact they WANT your kid) makes it easy for them to move on. </p>
<p>This does not necessarily mean StateU, if that is not the best fit for your kid. I’ve learned about many great options for S2 from CC, and he had a hard time keeping his list managable as a result. He truly believes he would be happy and challenged at any one of the colleges he has applied to, and I would have told him not to apply to one if that were not the case.</p>
<p>S1 received some rejections. but he already had his EA acceptances and scholarship offers. Even though he was very disappointed, closure was more important to him, and he quickly moved into the mode of choosing between his other options. In fact, it took me longer to get over one of the rejections (my alma mater) than him!</p>
<p>S2 received 5 EA acceptances, and is already excited about these choices, should his RD applications come back thin. He’s a more sensitive kid than S1 (anyone know of something good for VEGAN “comfort food”?) but, like S1, I think he is anxious to make HIS choice.</p>
<p>Help them create realistic options for themselves, so that they ARE in control of the process.</p>
<p>We started the entire college application process with this attitude: Take a chance, risk big, what’s the worst they can say? No. It doesn’t and won’t define you but if you don’t dream big now, when can you? At the end you’ll have choices, but this is the ONLY time you can apply to any college you want to as an incoming freshman. We tried to encourage really reaching for what he wanted, while at the same time going in with a shrug of the shoulders and a “why NOT you?” I was thrilled with his results in the end, but it really gulls me when people think their kids are the only one to fit that one specific slot on an accepted list. At the tippy top schools, there are better odds for some but even then, it’s a crap shoot. So in that respect, it really isn’t personal. I didn’t worry too much about S (although apparently he did spend a rather down day talking to his counselor - BLESS HER), I do worry about all eggs in one basket and falling in love with a school (remember that show with Rory and her Mother and the whole Harvard Yale thing) so early in the process that they become blind to any other jewel out there.</p>
<p>*The notion of a “safety” was indeed very problematic. When D got a likely letter from one of her LAC targets, her first words were, “Oh good…I don’t have to go to <name of=”" safety=“”>."</name></p>
<p>Her problem was that there simply wasn’t a school that was “safe” that she also perceived as challenging enough. She didn’t want to be a big fish in a small pond.*</p>
<p>Yes, that’s one of the problems if the student doesn’t “luv thy safety.” LOL</p>
<p>One of the good things about CC is that when a student can’t think of a safety that is similar to his/her top choices, there are usually people on CC that can come up with suggestions that the student would never have thought of. </p>
<p>CC heads are better than one. ;)</p>
<p>:)</p>
<p>M2C, I forget as to whether or not I found D’s safety on CC but I sure did research it. The biggest difference between it and D’s other six colleges to which she applied were the students and the academic climate. At her safety they were bright and amiable but not particularly driven. The comparison between the current students at the local prospect parties were a real bucket of cold water. A lot of the safety’s current students I would have typed as second-tier students from first-class prep schools. Not a lot of economic or other diversity. Subordinate issue for D included being more geographically isolated. </p>
<p>As a result of CC, there are two groups of students/parents I’m most interested in working with: first generation to college, because there’s a huge gap in cultural capital that needs to be compensated for and then students like my D, who are good enough fits for HYPSM but probably aren’t going to wind up there and need some thoughtful fallbacks that are good fits.</p>
<p>Given my own biases a priori, I would have been dubious about D going to an LAC and outright skeptical about womens colleges. CC was a good learning experience for me and provided some much needed context for D’s EA rejection from her HYPSM EA choice.</p>
<p>DD originally only applied to three schools. She was accepted to all three by Christmas. WE (the stupid parents) asked her to apply to one school closer to home just in case she changed her mind. She did so to please us (in retrospect, we shouldn’t have bothered) but asked if she could apply to a huge reach. We asked her “why” and she said she really liked the school and IF she got accepted (longshot) she would go there. Since she did the “close to home” at our request, we said yes.</p>
<p>She was rejected outright. She read the letter, and tossed it into the trash. And that was that.</p>
<p>Of course, those top three choices were already acceptances…and her number one is where she is currently a senior.</p>
<p>I think it is important to spend the time at different campuses so the applicant has schools he or she loves that are “reaches”, “just rights”, and “no problems”. If a student can find schools they love in all of these categories then it almost becomes a non issue. My D applied to 6 schools. She said her worst nightmare is that she would be accepted to all of them. If that happens she has no idea how she will choose one over the other especially in the 2 weeks or so that one gets to decide.</p>
<p>also, I agee with earlier comments about EA. D applied to one school that she really like EA–most others did not offer EA-- and got in. So now she is happy that she knows she is going to a great school and can calmly wait for the other acceptances–and in her case, she is hoping for some rejections too.</p>
<p>Last, I think we have to trust the process. The ad coms know the school and know whether the student is a good fit. Many schools cannot accept all of thier good fit kids, but I think sometimes we have to realize that a rejection is an opportunity to find/attend the school that is a more ideal fit. (provided too that the student is completely honest about who she is on the application).</p>