<p>We have a family member who is contributing about $2,500 a year to dd's education. This relative really wants our dd to go to a private Christian college. Well the problem is that the Christian college that is affordable she has no desire to go to. The one that the relative wants her to go would be squeezable the first year but their tuition increases at 9% on average every year and that would put the remaining three years out of reach. </p>
<p>DD had pretty much made up her mind to go to the state college at least for two years because she would leave with either no or debt or maybe just a few grand a year if she chose not to work.</p>
<p>Well this relative is still trying to sway our dd's decision. This is someone she respects greatly and it's making me upset because we as her parents have tried hard to let it be her decision.</p>
<p>How do we handle this? We so appreciate the contribution from the relative and we don't want to offend. However, we and dd are the ones being the most financially impacted by this decision.</p>
<p>Decline the money and take out larger loans. She will NOT want that hanging over her head for the rest of her life. The additional $10,000 in loans is not going to be difficult to pay off down the road but getting rid of the “I helped you through college, you need to do what I say” will be impossible.</p>
<p>Politely decline the money.</p>
<p>Does your daughter need that relative’s money in order to afford the state college? If not, then a “Gee thanks, but No.” could be in order.</p>
<p>Does the state college offer a better program for your daughter’s major? Then use that as the reason for the decision.</p>
<p>Has anyone asked this relative why he/she is pushing so hard for the particular type of college? The money being offered is peanuts. For some majors it wouldn’t even cover the textbooks or materials. If you can get to the reasons why this type of college is being pushed on your child, you may be able to help the relative see that your child can have some similar experiences no matter where she studies.</p>
<p>And beloved relative or not, “We all are so happy with X, and we’re sure that DD will thrive there.” should be enough. Hold your boundaries or this relative will push right through them and cause more trouble in the future.</p>
<p>I think you can just tell them what you told us: you appreciate the funding, but know that this particular school that is so important to them is not under consideration any longer, and would they prefer to keep their money? Then don’t be drawn into a discussion about DD’s choices – just keep saying oh yes, it would have been lovely but it’s really her choice and she is choosing elsewhere, thanks so much would you like your money back under those circumstances? You aren’t wrong in feeling like they are overstepping, but maybe they will change their minds.</p>
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<p>Not really. A person who thinks a Christian college is the answer will not be open to the concept that Christianity can be prevalent at a state college. Been there, done that. It doesn’t work.</p>
<p>Decline the money, cut the apron strings, do whatever it takes to get your daughter back.</p>
<p>Where would your D like to go if money were no object? If the state school, tell the donor that (“thanks, but she really likes school X”). If the Christian school, talk with the donor about the $$ issue. Perhaps they don’t understand the cost of college (MANY people don’t) and would offer more to make it affordable. If not, at least they MIGHT understand why you’re choosing a different route.</p>
<p>Uh, Flymetothemoon, not every Christian who prefers a Christian college is stubborn and closed-minded…speaking as one whose daughters have it will all go to a secular state school.</p>
<p>I like greenbutton’s solution. Perhaps they just gave no idea how much college costs nowdays. I know that was the case with some of my relatives</p>
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<p>Unless the relative is willing to put more of her money where her mouth is, then the fact that the college in question is unaffordable pretty much rules it out (assuming that your daughter is even interested in going there).</p>
<p>It looks like you and your daughter can afford her state college choice easily enough that declining the pushy relative’s $10,000 should not be that big a deal.</p>
<p>DS had family members encouraging him to apply to their preferred $60,000/year school, which was not a “good fit” and where he’d be in 25th percentile IF he was even admitted, so no chance of merit aid, dangling a “we’ll help pay for it”. Had to politely show them DS’ HS’ Navigance data to get pressuring stopped. We didn’t hear another peep re: financial assistance. </p>
<p>Given experience of many cc posters, it seems advisable to discount extended family members’ offers of “we’ll help pay” until that “aid” actually materializes in the form of a check deposited or a letter of commitment. Talk is cheap.</p>