<p>Op, I haven’t read all of the posts, so I apologize if this repeats what others have said.</p>
<p>Imagine him away at school at a 4 year college. What is going to stop him from partying all the time? Nothing. You should send him to a cc. You should also either model to him how to be hard working or hire an educational consultant (or organizational/lifestyle coach) to teach this to him. It’s quicker and easier to learn this is someone actively teaches him this rather than trying to figure it out by himself. It’s like a sport…skiing, let’s say. Yes, you can learn to be good at a sport on your own, by trial and error, but it’s more efficient if you have a coach to teach it to you. If you try to learn skiing on your own, you may become good over a long period of time, or you may never become good at it until you have a coach. Similarly, it’s difficult to just say “get an A” without having someone show him what is required at home or school to actually do it.</p>
<p>The remoteness from potential jobs or likely residential areas along with being with a student body with an extremely low graduation rate isn’t likely to help someone like him much. </p>
<p>My concern is that such an environment may actually reinforce his “just good enough” attitude as there are many other students like that at such schools. </p>
<p>I’m with those who say have him take a gap year and work a job…preferably away from partiers or other college-bound kids for a year or few.</p>
<p>I’d love to be able to spend what I earn on my hobbies. But I’m sorta/kinda in charge of mortgage payments, car insurance, heat, food- probably like the OP.</p>
<p>I am ordinarily a fan of the “deep end of the pool” theory of parenting- but only when there is a firm backstop/rescue plan in place, and only when the loss of the money involved may be moderately painful but not more than that.</p>
<p>I don’t know the OP’s finances- I know that in my family, we told our kids that we had saved and would be working to finance exactly 8 semesters of college. Anyone who woke up and decided that college was not where they wanted to be at that moment could get a job, be the beneficiary of all our love and companionship at home, etc. But we would not/could not subsidize them living near campus to be close to their friends but not actually enrolled in a degree program (I know several kids who have done that); we would not be paying for them to bum around Europe for a semester (ditto) even if it was “cheaper than college” which is the line teenagers love to use. Anything over 8 semesters was on their nickel-- which meant they’d need some planning and adult thinking (which could come from a Dean, the Bursar, or the head of student loans at a local bank- they didn’t need to take our advice).</p>
<p>So yeah- throw him in to the deep end. But not if his first “play semester” of rowdy parties chews up the money you will need for semester 9 once he’s straightened out, is majoring in urban planning, and has a full time job offer from the company he interned with-- once he finishes his degree.</p>
<p>Heck, blossom, I know a kid who told his dad he was enrolled… Dad (stupidly) sent him the money to pay the college bills, and never asked to see a report card. He got away with two years of living near campus and partying on dad’s money without actually enrolling before the old man wised up. So OP, if he DOES go to college, make sure you pay the actual bills if any of your money is on the line, and ask for a report card every semester.</p>
<p>Hanna, we already broached that subject, he’s selling NOTHING… ok then…</p>
<p>vlines, the app’s are due 1/15 and 2/1. He has only one school that he’s sure to get into, our state flagship is iffy, it’s a possibility, the other 3 are no way’s… the safety school is close to us and there is no merit or scholarship available and we are full pay for it, not an inexpensive proposition for a kid who opposes us at every measure.</p>
<p>intparent, you know I would likely be that parent had it not been for the partying, when we trusted him so implicitly… but now that you’ve given that story, you know I likely would not have thought about my kid doing that…</p>
<p>blossom, our finances aren’t such that we can pay an endless amount of tuition…</p>
<p>As for what would keep him from partying at school, nothing at all NOTHING…</p>
<p>The Praise Sandwich is identify positive, identify area for improvement, another positive. You still get to the add your criticism if that is the most important part to you, but at least the kid isnt hearing a constant wall of criticism because he is likely to tune out. And even if you dont think he is putting in enough effort, its hardly like he is doing nothing so he does need some acknowledgement. </p>
<p>For instance lets suppose he does his term paper as an overnighter on the last night and gets a B+ on it. Ok- he did put in a lot of effort and that was a good grade for a Hail Mary. However, additionally this would be good opportunity to point out that if he had spent the same 8 hours but spaced out over a couple of weeks to put the paper together in a more relaxed fashion and get the teacher’s comments on a draft, he probably would have gotten an A. </p>
<p>In the case of the scores, it sounds like he took the test once, probably with little studying and got a good score. It would worthwhile to praise him for the good score and point out that had he done some studying and drills and taken the SAT again this year he probably could have gotten near a 2100. Then he potentially could have been looking a different set of schools than he is stuck with now. Its easier to get him to acknowledge that two weeks back in August could have been better spent and made a big difference than to adjust his future orientation all at once. </p>
<p>I was concerned that the OP’s tone was “nothing you ever do is good enough”. If thats what he hears I think his inclination is going to be not to try very hard since he cant succeed by that measurement any way. </p>
<p>I dont have an issue with mauiluver not paying for college if she thinks he is going to blow it off and waste the family’s money. But he should be able to make his case why he thinks he can be successful and what that measurement criterion would be. At CC I think he is going to be in with a lot of slackers and find he has to put in even less effort to get by. Consequently he’ll never be “ready for college”.</p>
<p>I haven’t read this whole thread, but at a glance I didn’t see anything suggesting specific schools. I have a suggestion: a WORK COLLEGE. The only one I know about is Warren Wilson, which is a great school for a lot of kids. There is a small consortium of them:</p>
<p>Please don’t feel offended by my comment, but I was struck by how spoiled your son is acting. You sound as though you are in a fortunate-enough financial position that he has not had to work for anything. I think it is GREAT that you are being cautious about letting him even apply to college. He needs to step up and demonstrate why he wants to go. More than anything, he needs to grow up. And I think a college where work and service are required might help him get out of his bubble.</p>
<p>Wow, sally, I have not heard of those schools. What a great idea. I wonder what the requirements are to participate in those schools as far as gpa ans income. </p>
<p>Why do you assume that students at a cc are “slackers”? I know many, many people who started at cc’s and successfully transferred and completed degrees (myself for one…). </p>
<p>I just don’t see that this young man is willing to put in any effort at all. I would not invest a lot of money in college for him at this time.</p>
<p>I have a friend who is a professor at a large state flagship. She says she can always pick out the CC kids…because their work ethic is so much better than the kids who have been there throughout college. They’re more mature and contribute more, and she loves having them in her classes.</p>
<p>Believe it or not, the Ivies represent only 8 colleges in this country - they only educate a very small percent of the college-going crowd – and don’t loom large in everyone’s world. Prior to the 1960’s, there were PLENTY of colleges, both public and private, and plenty of people who attended those colleges who weren’t necessarily either a) academic superstars or b) well-connected scions of wealth who got in from a handshake from the headmaster. And your stories about large public midwest universities flunking out half the freshman class are simply tall tales. These schools have been thriving for years; they didn’t have to worry about “being overwhelmed by aspiring students.”</p>
<p>And in any case, what relevance does “wealthy scion admittance to Ivies pre-the-1960’s” have to the story of THIS student, sitting here in 2013 with a certain record and set of concerns, and looking to go away to college?</p>
<p>You actually saw parents praising their children for GPA’s that you knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, were bad? Wow, that’s quite interesting. I don’t think most parents are in the habit of outwardly praising their kids’ GPA’s in front of their kids’ classmates, but perhaps Oberlin was “special.”</p>
<p>I’m just a high school student so feel free not to listen to me. I know a man whose son had similar study habits as yours. He made his son save up and pay for his first year of college (Fortunately he did have scholarships). He told his son that if he made straight A’s he would pay him back. This forced his son to work hard even though he wasn’t used to it.</p>
<p>Since college is much more expensive now it would be impossible for you to ask him to pay all of it himself. Maybe have him pay for a fraction of the cost and make the same type of deal.</p>
<p>I went to CC, and found it very hard to be engaged or involved when there. My son went to CC senior year of HS, and is now living on campus at uni. He also says that it is much easier to be engaged and dedicates to academics living on campus. That said, there is still nothing wrong with proving your dedication at a cc before living on campus.</p>