What's Your Role in Your Child's Search/Application Process?

Parents Forum
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<p>shoot4moon,</p>

<p>OP here. The fact is I did choose some schools for my son because I was specifically looking for safety schools and schools where he either had excellent or guaranteed financial aid prospects. These were not his “top” choices–those came from him, although I did put some school names in front of him and said, “Hey, why don’t you take a look at this one.” Interestingly, I have a younger daughter and I can’t imagine that I will have to do any of this for her. She is amazingly organized and proactive and would not want me to interfere. My son, on the other hand, has welcomed my assistance. Are boys slower to mature and develop their independence?</p>

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<p>^^^in a word, yes.</p>

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<p>Interesting thread to revive, to see how it’s playing out three-four months later. </p>

<p>First time around, we dealt with the frustration of no college hunt with D1. My husband and I had a romantic notion of how we’d take her on a college quest, and she would be so much more thoughtful and informed than we were at 17, and she’d find the perfect fit. She, however, had her own ideas. She set her mind on her college and her major/career path by 16, applied early to that school, got in early, refused to look anywhere else, and is now a happy junior there.</p>

<p>So perhaps in part because of not getting to live out that obviously selfish fantasy a few years ago, I probably got a little too carried away with the research for D2, who actually wanted my help. She started out knowing only that she wanted to go “back east” (we are Californians). After trip 1, that narrowed a lot into wanting a small liberal arts college with a traditional campus somewhere on the eastern seaboard between DC and Connecticut, but not way up in Maine or way northwest in upstate NY. So we went back for trip 2 the spring of her junior year, and then she greatly refined her list. We also sent her back alone this fall for a long weekend to visit a friend at one school in Boston and tour two other campuses.</p>

<p>During all that I did an admittedly ridiculous amount of research, but I was trained as a journalist, and I can’t help myself. She seemed very happy to have me do the research, and when she’d make a pronouncement (“No women’s colleges!” “No Catholic colleges”-- she’s happy at her Catholic high school but is ready for a change), I would say, “Fine,” and present her with more appropriate ideas.</p>

<p>I must say I totally enjoyed it all, and our two college trips were a lot of fun.</p>

<p>Now she is very grateful. Many of her friends still feel adrift and are throwing out applications without really knowing what they want, and they’re scrambling to look at schools. Her list got winnowed down to 6, all of which she very much likes, and none are big reaches. She’s in to one, with good merit aid, and is likely to get into several more. She is not stressed at all now (well, except for those APs).</p>

<p>We went over the money issue with her, and she knows the situation. She has our blessing to attend any of the six schools, but there will be significant cost differences. If she chooses a more expensive one, it will impact her life later in her 20s, and she is mature enough (that girl thing) to get that. </p>

<p>I don’t know what she’ll decide, but she’s in good shape no matter what. I am happy to have been able to help her (and some of her friends, too). I tried very hard not to be helicopter-y about the process-- her wishes were and are #1 (within reasonable financial bounds). But I did about 1000% more than my parents ever did!</p>

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<p>You know, I guess i AM an anomaly as I think I did almost exactly what my parents did for me, but then again, I was a late bloomer (more like the boys described) and so is my daughter. I read a quote someiwhere than says “If you question whether you are a good mom, you are.” I think there is a lot of wisdom in that: if you are taking a step back to ask yourself that question, you are following the rigiht path because you are willing to THINK about your path, and if you are THINKING about your path, you are willing to make adjustments based on new information. Thanks OP, for getting us thinking!</p>

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<p>My role,
-research schools where S would likely be accepted and receive merit. He picked the one’s he ultimately applied to. He is 4 for 4 with merit. This I feel was my most important role to steer him into what we could afford. However the merit has not made them all affordable enough. I didn’t want him to get into several schools where I knew we had no hope of affording and be disappointed. He did apply to 2 reaches and might possibly receive FA but this is doubtful. But these are not his “dream schools” by any means.
-plan & drive to tours/visits. Many involved plane trips.
-I didn’t see any of his apps. Although I did keep asking him, “are your apps & essays done yet”?
It seems to have been a good strategy for us. There has been no drama at this point. I contrast this with the many in his class that have been deferred ED, with no rolling back-ups and the 2 kids last year who didn’t get in anywhere.</p>

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<p>I have to agree with the last couple of posts. My S1 who is a junior is not that motivated right now to explore colleges, which surprises me because he is a motivated student!
So what I have done over the last 3 months is to research colleges that fit his interests. I made up a spread sheet that lists each school, location, distance from home , how big, EFC, reach or match, etc. Then I gave him the sheet over xmas, and told him by spring he needs to have researched each school, and which ones he wants to visit. </p>

<p>His interests are specific, and not alot of schools offer the fields of study. As long as we can afford his pick, and he gets in, he can go there. But I don’t see anything wrong with helping your child as this is a big decision.</p>