<p>i'm a college sophomore right now, and i remembered how i used to visit this site religiously as a high school senior. well i can tell you that the first few weeks of freshman year are not very typical of the rest of your time at school. People are nervous, overly friendly, cling to each other in large groups, etc. but people tend to figure things out and whittle down to some real solid friends after awhile.</p>
<p>For those of you who have been through this, how can you tell if the unhappiness is just an adjustment period or if a transfer should be considered? My D has been at school for 3 weeks and is still calling multiple times a day saying how sad she is. She is extremely introverted and is having trouble making herself get out and meet people. Her two friends who are at the same college are into the party scene which my D wants no part of, so she feels like she has lost friends while everyone else is making them. Complains that her classes are boring and professors are not engaging. She says that it feels like the walls are closing in on her. And her and her roommate do not get along at all. My D has early classes, her roommate sleeps till 10:30 on school days and 2 or 3 on the weekends. D is talking about transferring to state U in our hometown, but originally she didn't even apply there and the reasons she stated for not applying are all still there. Any comments or suggestions are greatly appreciated!</p>
<p>Has she tried changing classes? There is usually an add/drop period for this. Also, I made some good friends on my floor; sometimes its a lot easier to wander into an open room with a few people than to have to introduce yourself to a person in a large lecture class (you may not be able to find them the next time, lol).</p>
<p>One of the places your D can go for support is the student counseling center (all Us have them). They are more attuned to what groups exist on campus and might be a good fit for your D. Generally there's also at least one or more "Involvement Fairs," every term, where many of the groups seeking volunteers and new members have tables/booths and tell folks what they're doing. The campus Y. Big Brothers/Big Sisters, youth religous groups. outdoor activities group, intramural sports, art center, exercise class, campus student government are some of the other ways folks can connect outside of the "party scene." I would encourage your D to ask her resident assistant about some of these options that might appeal to her.</p>
<p>It is not unusual for room mates to have different "clocks" and schedules. My son's freshman year, he tried to have his classes start as late as possible while his room mate had EARLY morning hockey practice and other early morning activities. They got along well anyway and remain friends (but didn't remain room mates after the 1st year).</p>
<p>I was very disheartened as a student decades ago when my friends decided alcohol was more attractive than friendship & got very involved in the campus YWCA & a part-time campus job. It was tough making the transition but very valuable.</p>
<p>Some students have a tougher adjustment than others. Sometimes it helps them to submit transfer applicatons, just so they know they have another place they COULD go if things don't work at their current campus (but as you note, they may have other issues at the transfer campus). You know your D better than any of us and know whether she tends to take longer or shorter to adjust to new social situations. Three weeks isn't a lot of time to adjust to a new campus--some students don't really feel comfortable on their campus until their 2nd year. My niece was one of them & she now LOVES her campus (she's now a junior).</p>
<p>One thing for you & D to keep in mind is that as nice as talking with you is, it takes away from the time & energy she could be devoting to making friends at her new campus & folks are much more friendly and open to new friendships at the beginning of the year than later (once they've established their friends).</p>
<p>Sorry not to have any easy answers.</p>
<p>HImom makes a good point. Campus counseling services staff members are accustomed to dealing with adjustment issues. Too often, students feel that the counseling office is only for the truly dysfunctional. But, sometimes, it can be a huge help just to hear a counselor say something along the lines of, "You're normal." Also, for a student who is introverted, it can be valuable to feel that some adult on campus knows her name.</p>
<p>When I was a student, I did visit the counseling office, just for affirmation about my planned path for schooling & career. We also touched on relationship issues and other things. It was a very pleasant encounter and in other settings I met many members of the counseling office, all of whom were very nice and really want to help students with the many issues of being a comfortable college student.</p>
<p>The office truly isn't just for BIG issues, but also works for the little day-to-day things and adjustments, knowing about other community & campus resources, the works!</p>
<p>Thank you all so much. My youngest daughter is my first to go out of town to college. Her pink cloud seemed to last only about 2 weeks. Since then she has vascillated back and forth emotionally, but seems to do best when she is busy. She's in a small rural college which seemed so perfectly suited for her that we made no other applications. I think she will be ok if she just hangs in there through this semester and the winter. </p>
<p>I am fortified by reading these posts. I am visiting her in 3 weeks and have been regularly sending thoughtful packages to keep her spirits up.</p>
<p>When my wife and I dropped off our son at his school last year, we were a bit apprehensive. The school had a a big "Tailgate Soccer Game" with the cross-town rival as a way to get all the incoming freshman together. My wife and I went to the game (because there was free food!!) and we ran into our son, who had come alone. We talked a while then sat in separate sections in the stands. We sort of spied on him to see if he was talking to other students, which he wasn't (he can be rather quiet). We left the game before the half to head home and he was still there - my wife was a bit distraught. </p>
<p>So, when we talked to him later that week, he told us he left the game to, went back to his dorm and hung out with the other people on his floor till 3:00 AM. He's never looked back. When I picked him up after the end of spring semester he told me that he was really bummed that he had to leave.</p>
<p>I think the reason my son had a positive first year experience was that he had a good idea of what he wanted from a school, and fortunately he had the opportunity to attend the school that met his needs.</p>
<p>The honeymoon for my college freshman has ended.</p>
<p>She is a science major - roommate a business major. They aren't clicking at all. Mine has two lab courses - very demanding with lots of homework and lab reports. Two labs plus 5 classes take up many hours and she is learning time management. Her roommate and two other suite mates have zero homework and spend their time socializing.<br>
It's getting ugly.</p>
<p>it's my D 2nd week and the honeymoon is over. I spoke to her today and she is not happy. Homesick is not an issue as she spent her HS years away at a Boarding School. Frankly I'm not clear on what the issue may be. By the way she applied ED. When I asked her a question regarding school, her response was, "I don't know and I don't care"
As I pondered our conversation, I wondered if she may miss her BF. When I was speaking to her she was on a bus to Hartford to see her BF at Trinity College. As I stressed about our conversation I couldn't help but wonder why she left campus...........Has she made up her mind that she made a mistake about her choice? I thought it strange that in her 3rd weekend she is already heading off campus. Any insight?</p>
<p>I'd love to see an update from prepparent to learn whether you have gotten greater clarification of your daughter's feelings about her college. A week later and after a visit with her boyfriend, have things improved? My daughter, too, attended boarding school and definitely entered college accustomed to living away from home, but college is a different environment. Boarding school is structured and "safe," tailor-made to encourage age-appropriate independence. Still, there is a transition to the greater freedoms of college. Happily, my daughter is thrilled with her college, experience to date, and new friends, as are her father and I. She had applied ED to another school and was rejected after a deferral. The college where she ended up was, perhaps, her last choice among those she applied to...but what a perfect match for her it is! Daughter definitely agrees that her college search and ultimate choice provided the right outcome (after an extensive and arduous process)!</p>
<p>The other thing that occurs to me, and I don't think this is a revelation at all limited to parents of former boarding school students, is to comment on the extraordinary pressure many students feel to apply ED to some school, any school. Certainly ED applications were lodged fast and furiously last fall at my daughter's prep school. Initially, we had determined with our daughter that she would not apply ED, but she began to feel more and more pressed to apply ED as the fall wore on because so many were doing it. I think the tendency when students do apply ED is to feel relief upon acceptance and then to cease reflecting on their college choice. SO! (Yes, this does have something to do with the honeymoon period.) When an ED admit finally arrives on the college campus in the fall, they may be far removed from the feelings and mindset that prompted them to apply ED to that particular school, and it might feel quite surprising and foreign to them as a consequence. "What did I like about this place?!" In my daughter's case, she chose the best of her options when the ugly Class of 2012 admissions season ended and then had the opportunity to rethink her decision when she got in off a waitlist at another college that she believed all spring that she would prefer. She reread all the materials she had for both schools and very intentionally, then, chose the school she had already committed to. She found, having had some time to reflect on what she truly was seeking in a school and after taking time to review the programs and assets at both schools, that she had been chosen by, and subsequently selected, a wonderful college that offers her everything she was looking for, but couldn't real focus on during the regular admissions frenzy. I am quite sure the opportunity she had to be relaxed and intentional in her decision has contributed to the exciting success and happiness of her first weeks at her new school.</p>
<p>Wow, JustAMom -- it sound's like your D's school doesn't even TRY to match roommates. </p>
<p>I can answer the question now. Whoever said in this thread that the honeymoon ends after the first test was wise. I don't know if it's completely over, but things are not quite as rosy after D missing an A by 2 points despite studying for hours. I'm happy to say I was able to say all the right things when the "I'm bummed" call came, thanks to lots of good advice from CC parents I've soaked up over the last year of lurking.</p>