<p>My H and I have struggled with this issue since our children were very young. Like many others here, we both came from very modest backgrounds, both worked our way through college and graduate degrees and still graduated with quite a bit of debt. Our children have been lucky because of that and have enjoyed lessons, sports, etc. without worrying. </p>
<p>Occasionally each of them can get a bit of the entitlement bug, but generally they understand and appreciate what we have given them. Our D choose not to apply to a couple of reach colleges because she decided it didn’t make sense for us to pay $50,000a year when other good options existed for her. She’s pretty conscientious about spending. Younger S is a bit less conscientious (and that could be his age) but in general doesn’t ask for a lot. D worked last summer and will find a job this summer. S worked for a former teacher last summer doing hard physical labor. This summer, at 15, he does want to find something different. Both saved their earnings to spend during the school year. </p>
<p>We have always told them their first priority is doing well in school and participating in some sort of extracurricular activity. That is their job. That has paid off for D, and S seems to be on track also. We’ve told D that next fall, as a college freshman, we will not ask her to work. Her main job is to keep her grades up so she keeps her merit scholarships. The value of the scholarships is far more than she could earn at a part time job. </p>
<p>Both know that once HS graduation is over they will begin the road to financial independence. For D that will mean paying for her own gas this summer and using her own money for entertainment, etc. We pay for gas now as she often transports her younger brother for us. In another year or two it will mean paying for her own insurance. She knows the “plan” is that she’ll be able to live with us for 6 months post graduation–after that she’s on her own.</p>
<p>Many great suggestions. I have told my D that her fun money must be earned this summer. It is true I don’t expect her to work during the school year because of her merit money as well, but she definately needs to have a better understanding of being responsible for herself. My H and I definately want the kids to get out of college debt free. We joke that they will get married in a tent in our back yard. We have a similar situation as rrah.</p>
<p>I also wonder the same, OP. I give far more financial help to my D than DH or I got from our parents. We both felt somewhat broke during college and quite broke right after – which made us fairly disciplined financially. D could use a bit more financial discipline, on the other hand she takes school seriously, works hard, and is preparing herself for a career - something I, as a literature major, certainly couldn’t claim. </p>
<p>So… I dunno. Maybe H & I have been too generous. Maybe not. Ask me in another decade ;)</p>
<p>We’re smack in the middle, I think – every time I think the girls are spoiled, I see so many others who get so much more and don’t seem to realize it. And then I hear or talk to a kid who earns a lot more and gets by on less.
We too have had no family money to count on and have done it all ourselves. The one thing I want to do is have them graduate without debt. The rest is up to them.</p>
<p>No, I am not concerned about providing too much. Like some others here, I had to pay my own way through college, and decided early on that my kids would not be doing that. I have 3 kids and they are all different. The oldest got herself a job at 15 (without any suggestion from me) and has paid for her own Ipod, camera, laptop, etc, all along. She is very aware of the huge gift that a paid education represents (she does have scholarship also). My other kids, it remains to be seen.</p>
<p>What great responses. I wish that I had read these before my kids started college. I especially would have taken centh’s suggestion of transferring money to the kid’s account and having him/her write the check. That is absolutely brilliant.</p>
<p>I also like how many of you spelled things out very clearly before your kids started college, e.g., this is what we will provide, this is what we expect from you, this is what will happen when you are finished with college. I took far too much of a laissez faire approach. I should have been more explicit with my expectations. I also think that I should have simply let my kids know before each year began what the costs would be - just so they would know that their educations were actually costing real money.</p>