<p>I think misery would be much too strong a word (I was still too much in a fog, and not nearly self-aware enough, to be miserable), and I really did enjoy the learning experience. Learning about myself maybe wasn't so much fun, but I certainly did grow.</p>
<p>I certainly don't remember "fun" as an adjective I'd use to describe my college years, but then this was the middle of the Viet Nam War era, and for those who didn't put flowers in our hair and head out for Haight-Ashbury, it didn't seem like much fun for many of my friends (except for the rich sons of the military-industrial complex who lived in the suite next to mine.)</p>
<p>I didn't say college should just be fun, I said misery as a character-building process is not.</p>
<p>You could (can) take for granted what you got academically at W because you did get that--it's hard to imagine being in a college where no one is interested in class discussion, few have done the reading, and it's all just something you put up with till the next keg party. So, while I wouldn't have introduced the words "dream school," there are definitely, right and wrong schools for a particular person.</p>
<p>To be sure the rapid communications has a lot to do with it, since parents seem so on top of the misery.... I recall phoning once a week-- most of the call was taken up with the logistics of, "do you need money, did you deposit your paycheck" and the like.</p>
<p>OTOH, I think the luxurious facilities of most colleges today is a contributing factor to some kids' disatisfaction. College tours make these places look like Westin hotels-- gorgeous pools, great food, espresso everywhere, manicured lawns with cute people lounging around throwing frisbees, personal trainers in the work-out facilities complete with rock climbing walls.....No wonder that for some kids, the dream turns to dust when they realize that Freshman Am Civ or whatever requires hundreds of pages of reading a week, several essays due SOON!, a lab every afternoon for chem when you'd rather be out playing frisbee, and who has time for the rock wall?</p>
<p>We do our kids a disservice when we emphasize the party-hearty elements of fit at the expense of the academics, in my opinion. A kid who is attracted to a school for the leisure opportunities (surf, ski, depending on the climate) is probably a kid who is going to be unhappy when the academic rigor kicks in. The students from my high school who wanted to be ski bums got jobs at ski resorts after graduation... they didn't go to UVM or Middlebury or U. Colorado and complain about how unhappy they were.</p>
<p>I haven't read the whole thread, but I think the first three paragraphs of originaloog's post is on the money. Happiness occurs when reality exceeds expectations. These kids' expectations are set so high ("it's going to be the greatest time of your life, you'll be intellectually stimulated beyond your comprehension, you'll meet fascinating people, etc.") that the reality can't quite live up to it.</p>
<p>My recommendation would be to lower their expectations at first. Tell new students that they probably won't feel comfortable until second semester freshman year. If they're not expecting much they are less likely to feel disappointed.</p>
<p>garland: "The funny thing, Mini, is you didn't know about transfering, and I didn't know about Williams, or schools like it, or how to get into a school like that." Me too. When I wanted to transfer out of SUNY Bing my parents told me (essentially) that only losers transfer schools. I wouldn't have had a clue what schools to look at anyway.</p>
<p>It wasn't totally different in my day in 1982 in New York City where I worked with the kids who went to Harvard as undergrads. Nevermind their grad school. They were dumbfounded how quickly non-Harvard grads passed them up. They didn't have the talent to be stars in a well known New York office and they were openly bitter. They missed the 'star' status that attending Harvard brought them when they were undergrads.</p>
<p>Honestly, they mentioned Harvard three or four times a day--until I suggested they wear the Harvard sweatshirts to the office.</p>
<p>Mind you, I know a few Harvard grads who went on to bigger successes. They don't mention Harvard every five minutes--but I'd say an equal number never got over the 15 minutes of 'fame' they had when they were 18 to 22.</p>
<p>In our crazy celebrity culture, getting into Harvard makes an 18 year old 'famous' in his hometown. Sometimes, that fame eclipses the actual education. Sadly.</p>
<p>I agree with OP's thoughts. Third child was determined to go to his "dream" school. He visited, thought he would fit in well, made the grades, etc. and applied ED. Once on campus, it was not how he imagined. I'm still not sure what the differences were, but I do think it did not live up to his expectations. He feels/felt guilty about us paying full fare at a 40+K school that was his 1st choice and he's not thrilled.</p>
<p>Like another poster said, I applied to large state U., never saw it until I moved in. When negatives arose, I just thought "this is part of college"---I didn't expect it to be utopia. And again, by the time you wrote a complaining letter home and received a response, the issue was old and settled.</p>
<p>Sometimes the college and the kid are just not a match. One of S's friends went to his first choice college and hated it. He had researched his choices carefully, visited, made the choice without pressure. But a month there and he was adament it was not for him. He transferred to a local college and did well, loved it. On the other hand, I've seen kids who initially disliked their school or ended up at a school that was not what they wanted, and it turned out just fine. It just depends on the kid and the situation. Sometimes there are things that have occurred that they just won't share with you that could be impacting their adapting to their school.</p>
<p>Disillusionment as a result of raised expectations is certainly a big part of it but the problem goes beyond college...students' discontent with their final college selections is merely one example of how consumerism has come to effect most Americans. In any given area, we have so many choices available to us that we do not know WHAT to choose; every day there is something new and improved that we just cannot live without, we buy something one day, then change our mind the next day and return it for something different or for the newest model. It's no wonder that so many kids are initially unhappy with their schools because as has been pointed out, there is no one perfect school, and college is what you make of it, and that, combined with how we (not us parents specifically but all of society) have raised our kids to buy into the commercialization propoganda of this country that seems to demand that we continually seek out newer and better everything--be it food or manufactured products, spouses, even our own bodies. With this sort of mentality, now almost "inbred" in us, it's surprising that the attitude that we can trade in one college for a better one, is not more prevalent among today's young people. Unfortunately, the result of chasing the American dream means that everybody else's grass always looks greener...</p>
<p>I agree with edad, in that the general feel of the college shouldn't come as a surprise or shock. Just last night I was looking at the college guides we'd bought over the last year, and realized that most of them seem obliged to say generally nice things about every school. They weren't all that helpful. We ended up using other sources more - CC and other websites, course catalogs, shared information and word of mouth from guidance and past students... If a school has a certain reputation (esp. in terms of partying, social life taking precedence over academics, etc) it's probably for good reason.
Even their dream school could present them with a lousy roomate experience or some other thing that makes the first few months miserable, but I think there are a lot of ways to at least increase the odds of making a good match. Good luck helps too...</p>
<p>I think "reputation" is an extremely valuable, and underrated, source of information. It's much more reliable than a visit that lasts 4-24 hours, a viewbook, or a USNWR rating.</p>