When to Worry About Possible Computer Game Addiction

Parents Forum
121

<p>Well, we never put any limits on his game playing and we regret it. Those parents who did don't seem to have the problem. We were the first in our neighborhood to have broadband and all the kids hung out at our house, but our son kept playing after they started to do other pursuits in highschool. Only in his senior year did he stop the massive online role playing games, the first I remember a problem with was Everquest. Mario Brother or disc based games that you beat in a relatively short time are not the problem. He had a great senior year with his first girl firend, better grades etc. He did much better on the tennis team etc.</p>

<p>BTW he and his dorm buddies created their own WOW Guild so hopefully it is a nice guild. Before he left for Nicaragua he determined to keep playing and to do "instances, battles or whatever once a week for 4 to 6 hrs with his dorm buddies. It is especially tough as they are not just cyber friends. I don't know if their lives are suffering as much as his due to this obsession.</p>

<p>We would like him to quit. I wonder if he can control it and play moderately. My wife idemands cold turkey with no games. I even consulted briefly by phone with a psychologist who has a computer addiction clinic at Harvard Medical School who suggests that total abstincence is unrealistic and doesn't work.</p>

122

<p>UCLAri, I am pretty sure that we have discussed this in the past, but here we go again. </p>

<p>Everyone here offers personal experiences ... and related suggestions. Bu now, we understand that you are one individual who is able to walk away or go back without issues. Rather than questioning the circumstances of your episodical participation, I believe it may be better to simply ascribe it to ... being an individual. Power to you if YOU can control your own addictions, but you should not dismiss others -and especially younger ones- who find this more difficult to do, and need HELP from the outside. </p>

<p>This is not issue of blaming others for one's own frailty; we all respond to the sirens' songs of real life in different ways: some to video games, some to drugs, some to sex, some to liquor, and the list goes on. </p>

<p>I believe that quitting online games after reaching a high level of participation, and especially in a very competitive guild, is EXTREMELY hard. Just accept the fact that, unlike you, most find quitting or play in moderation too hard to do on their own. </p>

<p>Our society is not built on perfection.</p>

<p>PS TexDad, inasmuch as I do not want to challenge a specialist, I know that quitting cold turkey and erasing every part of the game from the computer has worked better for my friends. This said, the attraction to come back is ever-present and the companies do not miss many oportunities to revive the dying flame. Everquest launched a 'classic" version of the game, especially designed for the nostalgic players. I got a dozen of emails or calls pleading to go ... one more time. There is a reason why the game builders never erase high level characters. They know their "relapse victims" are one call away. All you need is a valid CC ... and remembering your date of birth. :)</p>

123

<p>xiggi,</p>

<p>So then where does personal responsibility start? All I see there in your post is a bunch of excuses for taking control of your life. "We're all individuals." "It's hard." "We all respond differently." </p>

<p>You know what? TOUGH. Nobody said that life was easy. YOU make the personal decision to sit down in front of the computer and play. YOU make the decision to shoot up that smack. YOU make the decision to be promiscuous. Likewise, only YOU can make the decision not to. The whole point in being an "adult" is supposedly making your own decisions.</p>

<p>So make them.</p>

124

<p>UCLAri, with all due respect, your last post simply reinforces your condescending and stubborn attitude on this issue.</p>

125

<p>A few thoughts on this...</p>

<p>I am not a V/C gamer and never have been. When I was a little kid, I was stressed out by any video game where the character can "die" and as a result just never got into them. I was a bookworm as a kid - probably reading as much as many of the WOW addicts play.</p>

<p>I am in what is probably the geekiest social group at one of the nation's geekiest schools. V/C games are very very big here. WOW and similar games are very big. However of all the kids I know who play these games, only a very small number have become addicted. What is interesting to me is that all the addicted kids live on the same hall (and the overall social group is spread out over many halls). How did this happen? Well, as it turns out, the couple of kids who are the social leaders on the "addict" hall play WOW excessively, and it spreads to the rest of the hall. But I think that the problem there is starting to lessen.</p>

<p>As many have already said it's all about moderation. I understand the frustrations of some of the gamers here because some (not all) of the posters are responding to the issue of V/C game addiction by demonizing ALL V/C gaming. Or all MMRPGs. Or all WOW. Or whatever. Extending the statement of the problem beyond where it should be extended.</p>

<p>There are other geek activities that bear some similarity to V/C RPGs but are more "real-life" and easier to time-regulate. To the OP...does your son's school have a live-action role-playing (LARPing) group? Are there kids who play tabletop RPGs? These games are more inherently time-regulated because somebody has to write/GM them and they require coordination of people's schedules - they aren't just there for the taking. They might be a useful substitute for a V/C RPG addict.</p>

126

<p><a href="http://arstechnica.com/news.ars/post/20060714-7265.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://arstechnica.com/news.ars/post/20060714-7265.html&lt;/a>
Betty Ford Clinic for gamers opens</p>

<p>7/14/2006 10:35:36 AM, by Eric Bangeman</p>

<p>It may be fun to joke about addictions, but for those whose lives are affected by them it is no laughing matter. Rehab centers for those addicted to drugs and alcohol are old hat, and there are any number of 12-step and Rational Recovery programs available for those ensnared by everything from food to sexual addictions, but a new rehab center in Amsterdam is breaking new ground.</p>

<p>Addiction consultants Smith and Jones have opened up a treatment center for online gaming addicts. Those for whom Everquest really is "Evercrack" can check into the 16th-century townhouse, which while having many of the amenities of 21st-century life, is lacking in the computer and video game console departments.</p>

<p>So far, psychiatrists and researchers have yet to agree that "video game addiction" is a diagnosable condition. However, one of the hallmarks of an addiction is when a behavior becomes the focal point of one's life to the point that everything else gets put on hold—relationships, jobs, self-care—in order to slake that gaming, gambling, drug, or alcohol jones. Take Tim, a 21-year-old at the rehab center. He said that for five years, he rarely left his room due to his addiction to MMORPGs. "I couldn't go to the toilet because then I would have to leave ... I would take an empty bottle and pee in it."</p>

<p>The Smith and Jones WILD HORSES CENTER takes an approach similar to that used by residential drug and alcohol treatment centers. Gamers go through a "detox" period followed by a treatment regimen including group and individual therapy supervised by psychologists and psychiatrists who specialize in addiction. The aim is to "replace the fantasy excitement with real excitement," enabling gamers to discover new, healthier ways to spend their time.</p>

<p>Gaming can be an escape from real-world problems, or just a way to blow off steam. One of the hallmarks of addiction is that it becomes a coping mechanism for dealing with life stressors. "It's easier to just escape into World of Warcraft than to deal with social challenges at school or work," says psychotherapist Kerry DeVries. "Instead of creating different strategies for dealing with a real-life problem, you make a beeline for your favorite video game. The more often you do it, the more that strategy is reinforced, and the harder it becomes to act differently."</p>

<p>Some Asian countries where online gaming is nearly endemic are beginning to recognize that problems can arise from excessive gaming. The governments of South Korea and China are working with some MMORPGs to encourage users to step away from the keyboard and mouse regularly, to the point where China has tested a system that degrades a character's performance after three straight hours of MMORPG playing.</p>

<p>With gaming become more popular and accepted as time goes by, don't be surprised to see other, similar treatment centers opening up around the world.</p>

127

<p>
[quote]
UCLAri, with all due respect, your last post simply reinforces your condescending and stubborn attitude on this issue.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I don't see why this is "condescending" at all. We make our own choices, and we have to live with them.</p>

<p>If I go and start shooting up tomorrow, is it the drug's fault? The dealer's fault? The grower's fault? No. It's MY fault. I made the decision to buy the stuff and stick the needle into my arm.</p>

<p>What happened to personal responsibility? How is my saying that it's a decision to make for yourself condescending at all? What always amazed me about my own family members who used drugs was how they would try to say that it was everyone else's fault but their own. Or it was a "disease." Or it was just a tragic character flaw. Or something else. But it was never, "I messed up, and I really ought to do something about it." I have no problem with people going to rehab, or seeking help. I have a problem with people saying that they're not culpable for their own faults.</p>

128

<p>At least DS hung in their and finished the exams and the semeser.</p>

<p>Are you kidding me? I quote from your previous post, at least he hung in there? What was he doing? Going to war? For Gods sakes, this kid is in college, part of a very lucky and fortunate group......something you are no doubt working damn hard for and you applaud his ability to "hang tough" and are literally commending him for finishing his exams?
HEY..............THATS WHAT COLLEGE IS ALL ABOUT, WHERE IS THE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILTY HERE? I liked your post in that it was traced with humor which I related to, but at the same time keep this in perspective and lets see it for what it is. This is not an illness, but an addiction.........I do applaud you for encouraging him to do what he did about going abroad, kudos to you! more need to "detox" from this, case in point my own brother! Best to your son.</p>

129

<p>UCLAri, just another confirmation of what I wrote before.</p>

130

<p>Y'know what's ironic?</p>

<p>How your belief that the people aren't capable of making adult decisions is actually far more condescending than anything I've written.</p>

<p>I'd be insulted if you treated me with the kind of false pity you "offer" those who cannot stop playing MMOs. You're essentially treating people like babies when you say that they shouldn't be responsible for themselves. Ugh. </p>

<p>
[quote]
I believe that quitting online games after reaching a high level of participation, and especially in a very competitive guild, is EXTREMELY hard.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Sure. But so what?</p>

131

<p>My husband and I have taken the approach of using the potential abuse of computer games as a learning tool, not setting hard and fast rules that we impose, but working with our son to see for himself where the limits should be. We've had to discuss curtailing my son's activities on the computer a couple of times and, especially when he was younger, he seemed actually relieved that we were helping to break him from his addiction. But as he got older, we would instead point out how much time he spent, what else he could have been doing, what he got out of it, and whether he was choosing that time or just doing it out of habit or compulsion. We wanted him to learn to assess his own behavior and learn to make better choices when we're not around to be the bad guys and make the choices for him. Now at almost 17, he's found a good balance. Even during the summer, he spends all day studying for the upcoming national jcl convention, then takes a break at night to play Halo on line or do his Nation States stuff (hard to explain unless your kids are in it -- it's an online forum of politics and diplomacy).</p>

132

<p>BurnThis,</p>

<p>Good to see that you've sat down and parented actively. Also good to see that your son is seeing the gaming as a sort of cost/benefit relationship with his time.</p>

133

<p>My son, a rising junior, loves video games. And we found his entrance in WOW was directly responsible, along with March Madness, for a couple of A-s creeping into his transcript. (I know, I know, relax, but the guy is capable of a lot and I refuse to let video games and college basketball be the reason not to go for it. If it were an obsession with something else, I'm open. Anyway.) So we have told him that this semester will be a video game-free zone until we see that he has fully engaged with his classes and turned some of that brain activity towards World Civilization and AP Physics and Latin and Spanish etc.</p>

<p>I too wish we had never brought home that first Gameboy. Bought under duress in preparation for a long flight home from Europe. Who knew then what Pokemun would spawn?</p>

134

<p>Pokemon, actually. Short for "Pocket Monsters." But anyway...</p>

<p>Your son has learned a lesson, I daresay: Time, like everything else, is a finite commodity. We have to make choices within our efficiency curves as to how we wish to use our time. Play more WoW and get an A-? Or play less WoW and get that A?</p>

<p>Classic econ book example of allocation of resources in a 2D chart...</p>

135

<p>Are you kidding me? I quote from your previous post, at least he hung in there? </p>

<p>I don't think you understand or you are different.. DS likes to make good grades. When it hit him how he had loss even the chance for a B and was about to receive his first C EVER and he realized was having problems stopping playing computer games, he panicked and got depressed.. Maybe such a happening would not be a big deal for you, but it was for him. We were proud of him for hanging in there and finishing regadless of what you might think.</p>

136

<p>i know i've posted on this before, but i completely agree with UCLAri. </p>

<p>and man, xiggi, we could never be friends. :P</p>

137

<p>texdad,</p>

<p>Who was your last post directed toward?</p>

138

<p>As a "former" gamer who has I guess I would say, recovered- the first thing I would suggest is to avoid MMORPG's like the plague. You pay $50 for the game then a monthly fee on top of that. It is overpriced and built for adddiction. As a player of first person shooters, yes I did become obsessed and addicted, but for shorter periods of time. These types of games usually become monotonous after 3-4 months and u will quit them.<br>
I have found that, If you fill your schedule with other things than computer games, then you wont have the desire to play. In my freshman and sophomore years, I played about 2-3 hours a day simply because I didnt have much homework, even though homework always came first. I woujld also play games even more during the summer simply because my parents wanted me to enjoy the summer rather than get a job. Now, looking back, I can see that I would have enjoyed my time more and made much better friends if I had joined clubs or worked harder on my cross country running. I played computer games simply to fill the voids in the day when I had nothing planned and now I am regretting the inexplicable holes in my college apps ;) So just try to get involved in something worthwhile- not only does it help u get into colleges, but it builds social skills that I feel I may have missed out on because I sat at home talking with strangers about kill to death ratios and clans ;)
This summer I have taken a different approach, by alloting time for running in the morning, reading 50 pgs/ day for ap english, working on merit badges for some portion of the day, and surfing college confidential for the rest (ok I spawned another addiction woops) but at least I know so much more about the whole process. I also may wonder if motivation could be the cause for my lack of involvement or work ethic because i wasnt worried about getting into MIT as a freshman but still, its worth a try</p>

139

<p>
[quote]
It is overpriced and built for adddiction.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>The former is not quite true if you were like me, and bought tons of games anyway. By playing WoW, I actually SAVE money since I don't buy any other games.</p>

<p>Kinda counterintuitive, but the numbers have worked for me.</p>

140

<p>unless you get the games for free! :)</p>

<p>As a gamer, the best way to quit for me is to just go cold turkey. I have an addictive personality and I really can get into things tthat i am interested in whether its games, tv or sports, so much so that i would neglect all other aspects of my life. </p>

<p>I had a POS computer my first three years of highschool but i still wasted my whole day watching tv/playing sporst. When i got a better computer, gaming took over.</p>

<p>its not the avenue, its the person. </p>

<p>that being said, i want to do well next year so i'll proably sell my high powered desktop and get a laptop once school starts.</p>