Who wants to read song lyrics I've written?

<p>Go ahead. Critique them as much as you want. Rip me and my creativity to shreds. Oh and there are probably various grammatical errors sprinkled throughout, I've written most of this in the Notes app.</p>

<p>I'll put one to start:</p>

<p>I'm so afraid of all the things I'll never be.
Cast away in an ocean of anonymity.
Lost and misdirected, help isn't here.
My only hope is gone, this is the end of my year.</p>

<p>I wonder how the world would feel,
If I left one day and never came back.
Rolling through the hills and fields,
I'll never know the things I lack.</p>

<p>And I slow down.
And I slow down.</p>

<p>Everything that I could be,
Is lost inside a world, save me
From obvious informant lies
Your face serves as your one disguise.
I work so hard to see this through,
When enough is enough I will have you,
But only in the end will I succeed,
The lines are what you cannot read.</p>

<p>So slow down.
So slow down.</p>

<p>I'm afraid.
I'm afraid of this.
This monster that I feel inside,
It could kill but I would hide,
Without a reason or a place,
I know that I will win this race.
The dark is where I feel at home,
The light will shine but I'm alone,
I speak to those that I can see,
But only so that I can be</p>

<p>Happy.*
Happiness is hard to find,
Not in fame or hollywood signs,
Happiness you cannot see,
All the things you'd give to be,
The things you'd give to have a taste,
Of joyful thoughts and no disgrace.
You keep your eyes trained on your back,
Because no one's there and that's a fact.</p>

<p>Isolated, imitated,
I'm so alone.
The words they float around my head,
Putting them on paper my minds ironically fled.</p>

<p>I actually like them. with songs though, you can never tell completely without hearing the tune to the lyrics as well</p>

<p>I’d love it if you PM’ed me a link of you singing this song! ;)</p>

<p>^ me too, please!</p>

<p>^ Yeah me too. I like the lyrics I just want to hear the time of it</p>

<p>dude coolio- sounds inspiring. sing it or get someone to sing it- make a fortune off of youtube. Link me i wanna hear this</p>

<p>Musically, I’m sure it’s fine, but content-wise, it’s great!</p>

<p>I’ld liked to be PM’ed too!</p>

<p>Haha thanks guys, but here’s the thing. I can sing okay, but not very well. And I’ve never really sat down and tried to convert these into music. I mainly just get a flash of inspiration and write stuff. I’ve written probably 25 songs without singing any of them haha. </p>

<p>I can give you guys another song if you want?</p>

<p>Awww but yeah I’d love another song!</p>

<p>Ok here’s another one:</p>

<p>She asks the question but doesnt want an answer,
You get used to the thought and it changes her,
Your mind is hardened and you doubt,
Ask the question again, a bit more loud.
She walks away, her bag in her hand,*
You see it all and you begin to understand.
That place is different, it changes you,
The world stops turning and you never ask who
To trust or who to love,
It’s all laid out.</p>

<p>I see what this night meant now.</p>

<p>I try to resist but I can’t ever hold
My hands by my side, I begin to choke
On desire and lust and every unhealthy thing,
You hear her voice raise loud as you start yours to sing.</p>

<p>You knew going in you didn’t have a chance,
His blood flowed so freely when he took the lance,
Why can’t you just offer this up,
The way you suffer so much?</p>

<p>Just torch it all,
Let this burn.
It was never meant to be built much higher.
Let this sinking ship die.</p>

<p>And it burns me to my core,
To see you throw it all away,
Asking for so much more.</p>

<p>You need him, you need me,*
You need every single thing,
To keep you alive, keep you awake,
Don’t you ever try to say.</p>

<p>That you’re not loved.</p>

<p>Oh yeah the first song’s called The Watercooler and this one’s called Abandon Ship.</p>

<p>It sounds great and stuff, but when I read lyrics without knowing the tune I read the lyrics in a weird monotone voice :/</p>

<p>Haha so do I. I guess that makes this stuff poetry and not lyrics haha but I might try to sing these now. Thanks for the feedback people!</p>

<p>Oooi really like “abandoned ship”</p>

<p>Please PM me :D!</p>

<p>^ are you talking to efeen?</p>

<p>You should submit your stuff to TeenInk or some other litmag. TI isn’t the best for lyrical stuff with a chorus/bridge/whatever, but they are pretty good if you have other work. And you might as well submit this stuff too. It’s sooo much better than the vast majority of the stuff I’ve seen! And also, if they publish it, that’s a neat thing to add to a college app…</p>

<p>Haha that’s good because I kind of like to get away from the conventional formats of songs, meaning, usually, no choruses or set verses. </p>

<p>Is it really good enough to submit? Don’t BS me here haha I didn’t really think they were all that great.</p>

<p>it’s definitely good enough to submit somewhere, but I wouldn’t submit it to TeenInk. you can try looking for a more prestigious place to enter though :)</p>

<p>especially the 1st one. I thought the 2nd one was “eh” but the 1st one was great</p>

<p>since u cant make it a song- turn it to spoken word</p>