<p>"The only thing about being shy is if it is taking opportunities and things away from you or making you unhappy. Then it must change."</p>
<p>That is the core of my sadness.</p>
<p>it's your personality. don't worry about it too much. don't pretend to be someone you're not. and i'm not saying that if you change, you're pretending. people do change. i think personally for me i've become a lot more outgoing over the years. by nature i'm quiet too but i open up when i'm around my friends. i know this is going to sound cliche, but seriously, get out and get involved, find your niche.. you'll find it a lot easier to open up and be louder around people you're comfortable around. ^^</p>
<p>JOIN SPEECH AND DEBATE. Like, seriously? In elementary/middle school, I was the QUIETEST little kid EVER. I would read during recess, had coke-bottle glasses, wore vests, always had my hair up in a high ponytail...the whole shebang.</p>
<p>Then I joined speech, and the people there are SO FREAKING AMAZING. They're fun and ubernice, so they're easy to talk to, and I assure you that they will make you feel included and help you open up. I've been to 2 high schools [moved after freshman year], and both experiences were awesome, so I highly encourage you to join your college S&D team, or your drama club.</p>
<p>If you're not that type of a person, join a club that you're interested in: either way, you're garaunteed to make friends if you're with people who have similar tastes/characteristics.</p>
<p>hey here's my best tip, and i've found it very useful in getting over the shyness i had in earlier days: relax, speak whats on your mind, and convince yourself fully that it doesnt matter what others think of you. so what if you say or do something embarrassing? laugh it off and get on with your life. our mistakes and embarrassing moments are what make the best stories anyway. so what if you say this, or do that or act in a way thats not expected of you what do you have to lose? just be the person you want to be, say the things you want to say, and dont let fear or shyness hold you back. you CAN be who you want to be, just dont worry so much about what others are thinking about you or if they are judging you. the most important thing is staying true to yourself! rock on! oh and also it helps alot to join an organization at school or just get more involved w/things b/c you meet new people easily and make friends fast if you open up a little! hope i helped...best of luck!</p>
<p>Thanks for the helpful advices! Unfortunately it's still very difficult for me to not think of how others think of me when I say/do something.. why???</p>
<p>I was in a very similar situation. I was always focused on what other people thought of me when I said or did something. I felt like I was always being judged in social situations. I found this very difficult to deal with, but I could not change even though I tried. I usually ended up avoiding social situations that were too embarassing for me.</p>
<p>I started dealing with my problem when I went to see a psychiatrist. I didn't go the psychiatrist because I was shy. I actually went for OCD. During the evaluation I was given a test for social anxiety disorder, and it turned out that that was my main problem. I began therapy and medication and I have noticed great improvements. I'm not where I want to be yet, but all of this has happened within the last six weeks. I'm very optomistic that I can completely get rid of my problem.</p>
<p>If you constantly think people are judging you and if you avoid social situations because of this fear, you probably have social anxiety disorder. You should see a psychiatrist instead of listening to people on this board. Don't let anyone tell you that it's okay to be shy or that that's just how you are. That's what I thought, and I regret not seeing a psychiatrist sooner. There is lots of help out there. If you don't like the way you are, you will feel much better when you do something about it. It could be as simple as taking some medication. Many people have this problem and a pyschiatrist/psychologist will know how to help you with it.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the support. I guess what is really bothering me is that I am not being the person I want to be... and what feels worse is that I seem to be stopping myself from just that! Know what I mean?</p>
<p>Some antidepressants could really help you.</p>
<p>^ That was extremely rude and unhelpful.</p>
<p>Firax, don't be shy and just go out that. You shouldn't worry what people will think of you; you are yourself, and you don't need to act a certain way because people expect you to. Just go out there an have some fun, meet new people, and try new things. You certainly don't want to live a life, look back, and say you wish you were more involved and proactive during your life time. So go out there and have fun! Don't let yourself be the one who is holding you back!</p>
<p>Hope this helps.</p>
<p>Miltm, antidepressants actually can do more harm than good. Side effects can be disastrous, and if I'm not mistaken exhaustion/drowsiness is one of them...something nobody in college needs. I also know some people who go on Prozack (spelling?) and gain weight.</p>
<p>Just remember to be yourself--the ones who will become your true friends will appreciate you for that. And whatever you do, don't change who you are to conform.</p>
<p>Unless you will become a "Bill Gates", shyness will hold you back from social and professional opportunities. It is important to overcome shyness before you graduate college. My school has a "rec" class on public speaking. My university has a fine arts college, so they have a lot of people, in drama, that can coach you on how to overcome shyness. My university offers seminar courses, where the course is taught over a double period and everyone is seated at a large table, generally you have only 10-15 students, and everyone is required to speak. I was shy once, it took sometime, but I was able to overcome my shyness. There are many ways to overcome shyness. I hate it when in club meetings you see the same kid, sitting alone in the back, wishing they could take a more proactive role in the club. I give them credit for just showing up. Career services offers seminars on interviewing and networking, even on how to small talk. Also, one of the most effective things to do is to visit professors during office hours. That really freaked me out, plus I was scared people would think I was trying to suck up, but you no, I was the only one there, so it really didn't matter.</p>
<p>If being shy is taking away from your enjoyment of life then something must be done. Not later, now. </p>
<p>It can be as simple as saying "F*it, I'm not gonna let this hold me back." And voila it's conquered. Or it can be a long process with slow but steady improvement. The most important thing is to try. The hardest thing about changing ourselves is noticing the change. Don't be discouraged if you don't see any change. It's difficult for people to judge themselves accurately. Ask friends do you seem different, more outgoing. Ask if they notice that you approach people or not; that sort of stuff. </p>
<p>Think about it like this, it's one moment of awkwardness or embarassment vs. a life time of not knowing. Sort of puts things in perspective doesn't it? </p>
<p>I used to be shy around girls (I'm a guy, so the whole awkward teenager thing) and while doing public speaking, whether it be infront of a class or the school. One day I did just say F*it and started striking up conversations with girls. That was an immediate change but now I'm just going day by day trying to be self-confident. Being infront of a class or large group was something entirely different. Don't imagine people in their underwear! It'll just get weird. Just know what you're talking about and go out with your guns blazing (talking).</p>
<p>I can understand some of this advice, but you might be so shy that you'll only humiliate yourself by following it. I don't mean to be rude, but seeing a psychiatrist could really help you. Medication can also help, and there are so many different kinds out there that you can find one with few side effects. Humiliating yourself will not make you less quiet.</p>
<p>Most of the time I'm really shy. In fact, I just cannot bring myself to go to a bar or any other place tonight. Thing is, I have no one to go with as my friends are at other places and plus I don't want to drink and drive. Not my thing at all. Already sort of risked it one time (although two beers and then waiting an hour after drinking them is barely anything, but the cop could still nail you for blowing a .01 or whatever).</p>
<p>Although I have been improving a little lately, but still my usual shy self who knows hardly anyone here at this college let alone my residence. The only solution is to simply start with this "not giving a ****" attitude and you have to keep it going and going. I'm a brilliant person when it comes to academics and with the fascinating internship I have lined up for this summer, but I still suck at just relaxing and having fun. Although, the other day I actually wanted to go out for a change and have fun but I was tied down with tons of papers to do. Such is life, but if I learned one thing, it's that you have to change yourself. Nothing else, and I mean nothing else at all, will get you out of this rut.</p>
<p>I went out to eat with my coworkers last friday, and I ended up either laughing with them or just listening in, I feel so lame. My coworkers are really nice people, but I just hate what's happening because somehow a part of myself is holding me back. I wish that part could just wither away or be surpressed.</p>
<p>I found this from a website: Self awareness... can lead to more anxiety and form a vicious cycle that is self-enhancing and self-destructive. That's me!!</p>
<p>I can relate to this whole shyness thing quite a bit. Its not that I dont have anything to say, but its just that people around me just talk such small things, and the conversations are so fleeting. By that i mean, the topic changes every 2 minutes, so I tend not to have anything to add. On the other hand, when I get into a discussion related to philosophy, politics - something a little deeper and more academic, I have more to add. Its not a condescending attitude to my peers, but its just that the WAY we converse is very different. </p>
<p>For people who can relate to this, here's a little tip. I've got to know several people through different forums (like CC) and many of them do tend to chat about several different things in a short span of time. Without having that face contact and the requirement for instant reply, IM really gives time for you to figure out what to say when and how to fit into a convo that, when discussed face-to-face, you are not comfortable with. Gradually transferring the stuff you do on IM to real convos helps you overcome that sorta introvertedness in certain situations or when you have to fit in/feel socially accepted in a group of people who dont share exactly the same way of talking or interests.</p>
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Self awareness... can lead to more anxiety and form a vicious cycle that is self-enhancing and self-destructive. That's me!!
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<p>Oh I know! It's a ***** but at the same time I wouldn't have it any different, lol.</p>
<p>Most of the people here seem to just be shy and intimidated to talk to people. For me it's a little different but it's still damn annoying. For me, I just don't have much to say when it comes to fluff (i.e. stupid talk). I don't feel scared at all about speaking in front of large groups or talking to people in general. In fact, I'm pretty good at public speaking. However, I just feel like what qualifies for conversation with most people is unecessary/garbage/fake for the most part. So then I don't say much when people are trying to talk like this and they lump me into the "shy, quiet, reserved" group who would never do anything crazy. This is in spite of my good participation in class discussions and my ability to talk when it comes to working with other people. It's so annoying to be categorized as something you're not.</p>
<p>I'm the opposite. I'm pretty social in groups but in front of a crowd I fall apart. I just did stuff like plays, presentations to high schools for my engineering groups, and a job where I have to give tours in order to get over it.</p>