<p>Here's the essay I wrote for the October 6th SAT. I seriously thought I nailed it and deserved a 12. The College Board readers gave me a 10...</p>
<p>Prompt: ** Can people ever be truly original?**</p>
<p>Today we live in a world where so many feats have already been accomplished. However, contrary to the saying of many that "all good things have more or less been done," people can be original. The vast saga we call life provides for endless opportunities to be original. This notion is exemplified by prominent instances in history as well as in literature.</p>
<pre><code>Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi, known to many as "the Mahatma" recognized the need for a dramatic change in the way his people were treated. Oppressed by the British for several centuries, the people of India desired a change; they wanted independence. Gandhi began protests across the entire nation, calling attention to the British by actively campaigning for autonomy. He did this through a unique means known as civil disobedience. This ideology had not ever been actually practiced before Gandhi initiated its use. For a long time, he endured through constant disapproval and even apathy among many citizens who believed his aspiration was pointless; these people believed that his goal of freedom for India could never be reached. But contrary to their opinions, he persevered, and in the end, liberated a whole nation of people. No one before his time had ever accomplished such a thing; what he did was truly original.
We see the possibility of being original not only in history but also in books we read. In Bound Feet and Western Dress, we see a woman who breaks with her country's past and morals and performs an act of original. According to Chinese morals, it is unethical to divorce your spouse, no matter what circumstances or situations arise in a marriage. However, due to consistent tension and antagonism in narrator Chang Yui-I's relation with her husband, she demanded a divorce, and carried it out. Despite her heritage and integrity to her country, she chose to be original and proceeded with her divorce.
As we can see in the past as well as in literature, people can be original. Although many in hope of achieving success acknowledge that many things have "already been done," clearly, there is opportunity for originality.
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<p>I filled both pages completely. Yes I know I had a few errors in mechanics...but why didn't I get a 12?</p>
<p>There’s a thread with some 12-essays by CC members started a while ago. U can have a look to get a general idea of what a 12-essay should be. Honestly, I was amazed at how well they can write within 25 mins. And well, the fact that you “filled both pages completely” doesn’t say anything about your essay.</p>
<p>Hmm…this essay could have been a 12, as your reasoning and thesis was well supported but I could also see why it received a 10 as well.</p>
<p>Essays don’t have to be flawless to receieve a 12, true. Your essay was well structured, filled with enough vocabulary, and had many qualities of a 12 essay in terms of critical thinking but in my opinion, your syntax (sentence structure) was a bit off. The use of short sentences wasn’t too impressive initially-though you began to vary them a bit, you kept using semicolons and your paragraph just came off as little sentences strung together to express one opinion. </p>
<p>Nevertheless, it was a great essay. I guess I’m just picky.</p>
<p>Just to add: Here is a copy of my essay, typed out. I got an 11.</p>
<p>Although each individual is limited by the finite nature of human existence, there are no restrictions limiting one from making the most of his or her time on earth. To be an individual is to be original and independent from the often restricting thoughts of others. Uniqueness and originality are two greatly valued qualities that are attainable for every human being in existence. Examples from history and literature demonstrate that originality is entirely possible, given that one relies on his or her intuition as a guiding force.</p>
<p>During the 13th century in Europe, there was little room for scientists or philosophers to think openly. The influence of the Church in most states was overwhelming; any dispute of its authority was swiftly put down. However, the brilliant scientist Gallileo challenged the core of Church doctorine by asserting that the earth is not the center of the universe. Using the results of his experiments with orbital patterns and telescope images, Gallileo provided irrefutable evidence for his bold claim. The church was bewildered by this attempt to undermine its authority. Although Gallileo did not live to see the change his studies brought about in his lifetime, it was widely known in Europe in the 15th century that the world was indeed, part of a solar system. Had Gallileo not challenged the authority of the church by thinking independently and using original research, the progress of science would have been greatly halted.</p>
<p>In the novel The Scarlet Letter, by Nathaniel Hawthrone, the character of Hester Prynne similarly exemplifies originality by silently challenging the socital restrictions placed upon her. Though she is forced to live with the stigma of the scarlet letter representing “Adulterer”, she weakens its significance by refusing to behave as a social outcast. Rather, she integrates herself into the society that had shunned her by holding herself to the highest moral standard. Hester redefines her status in town by simplfy following her heart and disregarding the unfavorable opinions others have of her.</p>
<p>Despite the inherent difficulties of fighting against an established mindset, it is essential for one to believe in their own thoughts in order to be original. The reward of being unique and unlimited by others is truly fulfilling.</p>
<p>I don’t know…comparing our essays they should have received the same score. I actually like yours better-I’m not as focused in mine and I don’t really address the prompt.</p>
<p>Prompt: A person does not simply “receive” his or her identity. Identity is much more than the name or features one is born with. True identity is something people must create for themselves by making choices that are significant and that require a courageous commitment in the face of challenges. Identity means having ideas and values that one lives by. Adapted from Thomas Merton, Contemplation in a World of Action</p>
<p>Essay:</p>
<p>Identity is gained through both “nature” and “nurture”. Most psychologists of today agree that our personality attributes can be endogenous at birth, but often emerge later in life. A person’s upbringing can have a significant effect on how they are portrayed and identified.</p>
<p>But what is identity, really? The answer to this question is ambiguous and depends on the context. For example, in the book “The Inner Workings of India’s Caste System”, it is explained that most of India’s people strongly identify with their caste and their standing in society. One could say that India’s people don’t have much wiggle room to identify themselves as individuals apart from their castes.</p>
<p>In America, we have the freedom to portray and identify ourselves in any way we choose. We can challenge ourselves, work hard, and step outside of our comfort zones to change our perceived identities.</p>
<p>Above, I mentioned a certain kind of identity: the one that shows through for our peers and co-workers to see. But, there is also a more meaningful kind of identity that lies within. Our modesty, thoughtfulness, and other intangible characteristics also paint pictures of who we are.</p>
<p>The two types of identity, endogenous and exogenous, are interconnected and ultimately decide what we will do with our lives. Though our identities are not handed to us on a silver platter at birth, our “nature” definitely contributes to our selves as whole beings. Just like psychologist Joseph Grafford of UCLA once said, “our identity is altered with every choice we make and every action we take”.</p>
<p>whatiscollegeok - i think your essay is pretty good…actually all 3 of the essays on here are. haha some of your “catch phrases” are ones I like to use when writing (like inherent difficulties, established mindset etc.) </p>
<p>It seems like filling up the 2 pages is pretty important for the 12, and I’m pretty sure the basic 5-paragraph model + 2 pages can guarantee it (I’ve had a few friends that cant write, but got 12s because they did that).</p>
<p>@ cliffhanger - I agree with the previous post, you can improve on your sentence structure. Analysis-wise, no one really puts forth literary journal-type analysis on the SAT, so I think you’re fine. You just need to make it sound as sophisticated as it is, like more “Despite” “however” “since” “moreover” etc - transitions + logical progression through subordination</p>
<p>@mj93 - it seems like your essay is sort of short, but apart from that, maybe just expand upon your examples. I personally would shy away from a more “personable” style of writing (“I mentioned a certain kind of identity”) — it almost is like the dreaded “Today I’m going to write about this” that teachers always frown upon. However, this style can be perfected and made very persuasive. Ending with a quote is nice, since it makes the conclusion easy/potentially very good :P, but usually conclusions shouldnt be someone elses thoughts.</p>
<p>Ok guys this wasn’t a thread for YOU to post your essays, it was for me to get feedback on MY essay. Thanks for hijacking my thread…</p>
<p>anyway thanks, I guess i’ll vary my sentence structure more. and yes it is possibl eto get a 12 with only one page writing, if you write small but beautifully…a girl did it before on this board.</p>
<p>You give extraneous information that sounds pedantic and repeat yourself. Although I might be giving too much credit to abilities of the essay graders. Anyway, examples of my points are.</p>
<p>“known to many as “the Mahatma””. “This ideology had not ever been actually practiced before Gandhi initiated its use. No one before his time had ever accomplished such a thing; what he did was truly original.”</p>
<p>In addition, I’m sure most essay graders have read Civil Disobedience by Henry David Thoreau. Thoreau was the first to practice it, not Ghandi. </p>
<p>So be happy you got a 10, essay doesn’t count anyway.</p>
<p>I knew Thoreau was the first to THINK of it, but I thought Gandhi was the first to actually PRACTICE it? Guess I was wrong. Thanks for clearing it up for me..</p>