Why don't my parents understand?

Parents Forum
1

<p>Every time the issue of what college to go to comes up my mom tells me to go to the place that is cheapest that has my major (which is probably going to be engineering). I tell her that I want the full college experience, which I already feel I have missed out on because my parents made me stay in town and go to the cc that is here because its cheap. She thinks that 'college experiece' means party all the time. She has a negative view on college life because my dad was a big partier in college and took 7 years to graduate (after leaving and changing his major). My dad is a little more understanding but he still thinks I'd party too much, even though I rarely did in highschool and the only time I do now is when my friends come back into town. They expect me to go to the nearest school and finish up my studies in 2 years and get a job. How do they expect me to know what I want to do with my life at this age? I've never lived on my own, I have no idea what the world has to offer and they don't want me to explore my options. If I'm going to be working for the rest of my life what does it matter if it takes me an extra year or even 2 to graduate? I would much rather make sure I'm in the right major and graduate late than graduate on time and 15 years down the line realize that I hate what I'm doing.</p>

<p>How can I get them to understand that I need to get out and explore what my options are?</p>

2

<p>If you are going to finance your own education, then do whatever you want. If you expect your parent's to finance your education, then you have to figure out a fair compromise. Ask them how much money they are willing to put towards your education each year for the next two years. After you have their answer, you must decide if you're willing to find a school that fits into that budget or if you're willing to finance the additional amount needed to pay off the cost of the college that you feel will give you the "college experience". </p>

<p>By the way, you have some attitude to think that it's OK for your parents to pay for you to spend an extra year or two in college so you can explore your options.</p>

3

<p>Explain to your parents that although you intend to major in engineering (which is something they seem to encourage), you want to go to a university where you are challenged academically. You parents seems to be encouraging doing the minimum and getting a high paying job. Explain the pros of going to a college where you are challenged.</p>

<p>Also if they are contributing, offer to make up the difference between the college of their choice and your chosen college.</p>

4

<p>How much have you saved from your job while going to cc, assuming you worked the past two years? Use that money to make up the difference between your choice and theirs.</p>

<p>You sound unsure what you want to study. I can understand their hesitation, especially in this economy, to fork over big bucks for an expensive school when you aren't clear about goals and are heading into it with the idea you need an extra year or two to "explore." I'm not saying everye kid m ust go off to college with a goal in mind and never change, but I pick up on a bit o entitlement in your post.</p>

5

<p>I don't like your parents' approach any more than yours. You both need to consider fit and affordability. Surely you can find a place that offers "the full college experience" in the context of a school not known for its party atmosphere. If they don't think they can afford such a place, you need to have a serious talk about what they can afford and give some thought to what you and the college you hope to attend can come up with to fill the gap.</p>

<p>Now, about the partying, "...even though I rarely did in highschool and the only time I do now is when my friends come back into town." If by partying you mean drinking alcohol or doing any sort of drugs, I would say their fears are well founded. You cannot concurrently, and logically, complain both "how do the expect me to know what I want to do with my life at this age?" and "I hardly ever party" (not a direct quote, but rather the gist: "I only party when I have the opportunity"). To do so shows immaturity that justifies their concerns a good deal more than it alleviates them.</p>

<p>The way to make them understand that you need to get out and explore what your options are is to begin to responsibly explore them now: do the math, research some majors and some schools and the aid they are likely to offer you.</p>

6

<p>The difference in taking an extra year or two to explore can mean 30-60,000 dollars! That is a lot of money. I do think that your parents have a very valid about getting out in 2 years. You are right too, you might not know what you want to do. There are several ways to approach that problem. You might get some work experience for a year to find out. You might just study what you would like to study, and then get a job and explore different fields after graduation. You could work for a company that will pay for grad school courses if you would like a degree in something else. Your parents need to worry about their bills, and their retirement. Perhaps there is another child to educate, or elderly parents that they need to help. It proabably is not easy for them either. Try to understand their position as well as your future.</p>

7

<p>Read up on the parent threads where the student flunked out/got poor grades/lost their scholarships, etc. If you can pay your own way, go wherever you want to. If it's on their dime, you have to negotiate but they have the final say because they're paying the bills.</p>

<p>You'll also see the threads where the kids are doing well, the parents are proud and grateful and permit their child a lot of latitude. That degree of freedom has been earned by the child.</p>

8

<p>
[quote]
How can I get them to understand that I need to get out and explore what my options are?

[/quote]

You're 20 years or so old. You have 2 choices:
1) Go to the school your parents are willing to pay for and get your degree, and then go out and explore your options on your own dime.
2) Don't go to the school your parents are willing to pay for, don't get your degree, get a job and go and out explore your options on your own dime.</p>

<p>Repeat after me: "It's their money. They decide how to spend it. When it's my money, I can decide how to spend it." Repeat as often as necessary.</p>

<p>And don't think that you now have to know what you want to do for the rest of your life. I have a bachelor's, a master's and a professional degree, and I'm on my third career. </p>

<p>Nothing you do is wasted if you look at it with the right attitude as a learning experience. It may not be the one you ideally want, but you will learn from it nonetheless.</p>

<p>You cannot change your parents; you can only change yourself. Attitude is everything.</p>

9

<p>
[quote]
I tell her that I want the full college experience, which I already feel I have missed out on because my parents made me stay in town and go to the cc that is here because its cheap.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>What "full college experience" are you missing? Are you looking for the 8 years to work your way through college experience? How about the night school part of the experience? What about the "I joined the military so they would pay for my college" experience?</p>

<p>The purpose of college is to get an education. If you can have a fun time while doing it, so much the better. If you need time to "find yourself", there are cheaper ways to do that.</p>

<p>
[quote]
How do they expect me to know what I want to do with my life at this age? I've never lived on my own, I have no idea what the world has to offer and they don't want me to explore my options.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Maybe you are not ready for college. A lot of kids enter college as "undecided", but by their Junior Year, they better have an idea of what degree they want.</p>

<p>If not, maybe you should take some time off, and get the full experience you are looking for. Get a job. live on your own. Explore your options. Figure out what you want to do. Then go back and finish college.</p>

<p>By year 3, I expect to see a plan from my kids to finish by year 4, or a good explination why I should pay for year 5. Good luck on getting me to pay for year 6, unless it is for Grad School.</p>

<p>
[quote]
my parents made me stay in town and go to the cc that is here because its cheap

[/quote]
</p>

<p>If my kid didn't know what they wanted to study in college, that would be my response. Take your distribution classes to make progress towards a degree.</p>

<p>BTW: I come from an Asian household where it is the unspoken assumption that you go to college. You go, and figure out how to get out in 4 years. You don't necessarily go to the best colleges. You go to college. Any college. Some kids I know had to go the community college route. It is not the end of the world.</p>

10

<p>OP, there's not enough information here for anyone to give you useful advice. We know nothing about what kind of student you've been so far. We don't know your grades, your study habits, the difficulty of the courses you've taken. We don't know how responsible you generally are in managing your own life. Can you manage your own money, get yourself places on time, cook and clean for yourself? We don't know where you are thinking of transferring. Many schools may not allow you to take multiple years to decide what you want to major in. And we don't know what your parents' finances are like. They may simply not have enough money to pay for a higher-priced school, regardless of your level of maturity. </p>

<p>Even with the "right" major, there is no guarantee that 15 years down the line you won't want to change careers. Or have to change careers, for that matter!</p>

11

<p>You can find out more about him by looking at his other posts. After reading a few of those posts, I'm leaning towards his parents making the right call.</p>

12

<p>You're pretty tough BCEagle, I saw nothing in Chuck's posts that seem any different than 90% of college kids.</p>

<p>The only thing that does confuse me is that in one post he writes that he would not want to live on campus because his mom waits on him. Given that, I think it's an excellent idea for Chuck to fly the coop and see a new place.</p>

<p>Chuck, tell your parent's what you're willing to do here. Summer jobs, school year jobs, student loans can reduce their burden, show you're mature and that you really want this.</p>

13

<p>1 & 11 & 12. LOL, ROFL. You kill me. :)</p>

14

<p>Good parent posts. Engineering means a tough college experience, regardless of whether or not the student picks a dull campus or one known to "study hard, party hard" such as UW- Madison (it only takes a minority to make a reputation). But this student isn't from Wisconsin- we don't have "community colleges" like other states, a concept I have trouble with. We have technical colleges and many state schools, but not the concept of a two tiered system such as California does (and I don't understand what I believe from CC their policy is- if you get into a good, but not top, 4 year UC college you are ineligible for transfer to the top UC schools, whereas you can go to a cc and get in?? doesn't make sense).</p>

15

<p>ROTC scholarships may be a consideration. Otherwise go to your state school & pay for it yourself by working & taking out loans. Your parents either do not want to invest in your education, can't or don't think that you are mature enough to live away from home. The only way to convince them otherwise is to get a job, take out loans & pay for school yourself.</p>

16

<p>You've been going to college 2 years and you want to take an extra year or two to graduate, for a total of 6 years? I think you'd have a better time convincing your parents to support your college ambitions if you made a plan to graduate in 4 years total.</p>

17

<p>It seems to be very typical for the CA community college kids, especially in engineering to require the extra year at the UC. And right now it's worse than ever in terms of getting the classes needed to graduate. Maybe the fact that you can probably finish faster OOS would help them see the bright side.</p>

18

<p>2 years CC + 3 years UC should still be less than OUS.</p>

<p>The cost of CC in California is about $30/credit or $500/semester.</p>

19

<p>I’m more on chuck19’s side than on his parents. Our kids didn’t ask us to give birth to them; it was our choice, wish, desire or whatever to have them, to raise them, to enjoy their first smile, step…We want to have their unconditional love, to be needed, to be busy and enjoy the things again which we enjoyed a long time ago being kids ourselves.
Therefore it’s our responsibility to make their life easier and happier. They will face a lot of challenges in future and cope with them alone, but right now they need our emotional and financial support. Maybe it’s our Russian tradition, maybe we feel more responsible for our kids because we took them away from their environment, schools, friends, relatives, but it’s a common among our friends' families to consider paying for kids colleges as a first priority. Of course, we have to make some sacrifices because of that like renting a small apartment instead of having own place for long time or making minimums on 401, but it’s our choice. </p>

<p>And I want my D. to have “the full college experience” because it’s really the best and the most important time of our life. Even now and here, on the opposite side of the Earth, my best friends are my university classmates; and I can not imagine my life without them.</p>